Mile High Club
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 by Vanity Kills
see full size in gallery below
At last the departure guide updated and cheers of joy permeated the air. The luminescent phrase behind this commotion was “Original Cult Airways: 9:30am Gate H”. This one-of-a-kind, ultra-exclusive flight was a one way trip for East Coast Lippy Addicts to venture right to the heart of their true love (a.k.a. some unmarked warehouse in Los Angeles). But the true pay off of this trip was the gold which lay buried in that warehouse; for there was precious cargo carried on board of this particular airplane — prototypes of Lip Service’s most sought after upcoming “Holy Grail” lines such as Step In Time II, Das Bunker, and Brocade Piracy. This was going to be the only public display of these items until the official street release in Fall 2010.
The plane itself was nearly worth the cost of the trip; one view of the interior and a patron may believe they had died and been resurrected in Shamballah. For non Buddhists, they would instead feel like they have traveled back in time to what should be named “The Golden Age of Flying” – you know, back when taking a trip on an airplane was still something of a mystical feat, steeped in glamour and intrigue. The stewardesses were, of course, only the most fashionable of Lip Service models, and it seemed they had all recently gotten their BA in customer service. The ladies whose job was to remind you to fasten those seatbelts and put those trays in the upright position wouldn’t be caught dead in shapeless lima bean green pantsuits and blaher-than-blah brown jackets. You’d think the aisles in this flying machine were the runways of the sky. Sleek head-to-toe black paired with hats inspired by the hides of only the most exotic beasts were the standard here. Nearly all luxuries that could be brought aboard an airplane were at hand, and it was guaranteed to be a trip to remember.
Unfortunately, due to lax airport security, trouble was afoot. Due to bizarre and unforeseen circumstances, the fairly proficient magician known as The Great Ramon was scheduled to be aboard this flight in order to make a last-minute show in a nearby suburb of LA, performing at a small child’s 7th birthday party. Sadly, The Great Ramon would be unable to showcase his prized Grizzly Bear “Grizmo” at the aforementioned affair, for he was busy being tied up in the women’s bathroom at JFK airport. Even more unfortunate is the fact that he was not tied with women, but instead by their pantyhose. The culprit was none other than the infamous criminal mastermind Ramon “el Jamon” Perez, who had sneaked stealthily by the snooping security and boarded the plane under the guise of being Great.
Ramon, having his fingers firmly to the pulse of the crime world, knew that he must obtain these mystical prototypes in order to clothe his many voracious wives, ever hungry for the latest unattainable fashion. Through the grapevipe of misdeed he was able to hear of the last minute addition of the magician to the flight’s patronage, and was able to get one of his inside men to add a large dose of PCP to the bear’s tranquilizer. Once the flight begins, the bear should awaken in an angry stupor and disrupt the plane enough so that he may sneak down to the cargo hatch and parachute out of the hold with the stolen goods. Unfortunately for him, he was not counting on the cunning of the venerable stewardess Meagan.
***
The flight was proceeding as planned; lots of booze and memory-foam pillows were being doled out to the passengers. The skies were clear and giggles of anticipation filled the air. Ramon curled his 20s-ringmaster styled mustache and awaited the inevitable. No sooner had he begun twirling, there was an audible crash from the storage below. His grinned wildly as the upcoming scenario unfolded in his head. There was another, louder smashing sound as the hatch leading from the storage space to the fuselage tore open . The deranged bear, hungry for blood and meat, slashed through the main door into first class, all the while bellowing a terrible cacophony. Ramon clapped quietly as he heard the screams and thudding footsteps of those trying to outrun ol ‘Griz. He quickly rose from his seat and made his way toward the cockpit. He moved with unexpected swiftness through throngs of passengers curled in the fetal position and the disarray of ravaged carry-on luggage. Without significant ado, he entered the cockpit. Despite the obvious panic, he was still questioned by the pilot as to ‘what the hell” he was doing there. He began to fabricate a tale of a suitcase containing a tranquilizer to subdue the raging animal, but just as he was completing his thought, a gust of wind knocked askew his ringmaster mustache and his real 70s-porn star ‘stache was revealed!
The pilot gasped in awe…”wait a minute, you’re not the Great Ramon at all! You’re… El Jamon!” Sensing that the pilot had caught wise to his devious ploy, he attempted to re-create a move he had seen Jackie Chan perform in Drunken Master and kick the pilot in the head. He was slightly distracted because moments before, the sound of angry passengers had vanished, resulted in a mis-timed kick that went straight into the control board instead. He clutched his foot in agony and cursed the designer of such sharp altitude gauges. In his confusion, the ever-vigilant flight attendant Meagan had appeared from the writhing mass of chaos that was first class, and employed a move that will forever be known as the “Don’t Tase Me Bro”. Using her quasi-legal combination mace/taser gun, Meagan was able to pacify the villainous Ramon while maintaining her perfect vintage updo. “You may have stopped me, but that bear will bring down this plane anyway!” Ramon hissed. “Actually, the bear is in the back sleeping quietly. I gave it some of our best kobe beef laced with enough Xanax to incapacitate a bear on PCP” Meagan replied coolly. Ramon sighed and resigned himself to being taken back to the PMITA NJ State Maximum Security Penitentiary.
After a brief celebration, Meagan realized that something was still amiss. It appeared that the pilot had been roughed up in the scuffle and his right hand might be sprained. Unable to use both hands to steer the plane, the future of alternative fashion was uncertain. Meagan quickly jumped into action and shoved the temporarily crippled pilot aside. She was well versed in calibrating instruments and steering, as she had had quite a bit of intimate time with her husband, a less wussy pilot who could fly a plane with not but his teeth, in a similar cockpit. She made the necessary adjustments and guided the plane on a rapid but meticulously guided descent as she asked for clearance from the tower at the Los Angeles International Airport.
At last the ravaged plane, with its cargo intact, had arrived at its fateful destination where another adventure would begin shortly. As consolation, the first 100 passengers to disembark got to have their picture taken with Meagan and the bear, which would later be hand-signed by both. The rest got to punch “el Jamon” in the gut as they walked by.
Fashion Takes Flight
Stewardess style has never looked hotter. Cure your fear of flying once and for all with a look that’s one quarter easy breezy. Three quarters kitschy cool with high-flyin’ fashionista written all over it.
Meagan is ready for takeoff in her Lip Service *snap front poplin shirt in the black colorway. The double buckled black PVC belts push the traditional boundaries of professional attire by infusing this classic top with a smattering of fetish.
*Hot Topic version is shown.Get the original Looks That Kill Corporate Fukker Poplin Shirt!
Form and function converge in the shape of the Smashin’ Fashion Knee Skirt in the black colorway. This knee length retro Lippy number features a covered zipper which runs up the entire center of the garment’s front, thus allowing you to control how much skin you feel like showin’ at any given time. Perfect for a quick romp in the lavatory of an aircraft.
Note: Lethal Style does not condone nor condemn in-flight bathroom sexual intercourse.
Work some animal magnetism into your otherwise monochromatic ensemble with a pinup inspired zebra pillbox hat.
Infuse your attire with some mid-century flair and harken back to a time when accessories were dainty and ladylike by experiencing the power of glove with a standout vintage white pair.
Sheer nude thigh highs camouflage the bad (like the aftermath of a leg shaving massacre) without upstaging the good(like your fabulous ink).
Sky’s the limit in these classic comfy cute suede black wedge peep toe heels.
For a vintage inspired ‘do that’s JUST PLANE SEXY!
- Dampen your hair.
- Spray damp hair with setting lotion.
- Roll dampened sections of your hair with long sponge curlers.
- Allow hair to dry COMPLETELY (this is key!)
- Remove the curlers.
- Finger brush the curls (smoothing with fingers helps to battle the wonky curls!)
- Roll and pin up hair ends to create a “bob”.
- Spray liberally with a medium hold hairspray.
Siren of the Friendly Skies
Accentuate your eyes with hints of gilded glamour mixed with no-nonsense neutrals. A juicy raspberry hued pout reminds the boys that you’re a first class gal and should be treated as such.
General Prep Work
You will need:
Moisturizer ,Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer
- Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
- Before proceeding any further allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
- Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
- Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
- Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
- Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
Eyes:
You will need:
Eyeshadow Primer, Brown eyeshadow(for the brows),Small angled brush, Makeup sealer(optional), Gold eyeshadow, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Neutral nude eyeshadow, Blending brush, Black liquid eyeliner, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara.
- Dab some brown eyeshadow onto a small angled brush. Tap off the excess. Starting at the widest part of the brow, near the nose, and using short strokes, apply brown eyeshadow directly to the natural hair of the eyebrow. Repeat on the other side. Make sure to use a shade that matches your hair color (in Meagan’s case brown was used since she is a blonde). After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
- Using a brush with a round/tapered edge apply gold eyeshadow across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
- With the help of a blending brush add neutral nude eyeshadow to the browbone area directly under your eyebrows. Blend the neutral nude shadow into the gold shadow that you applied in Step 2.
- Starting at the inner corner of your eye, rim your upper lashline with liquid black eyeliner. Extend the line upward as you approach the outer corner of eye. This produces the much sought after winged “cat eye” effect.
- Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.
Cheeks:
You will need:
Blush brush, Peach blush
- Swipe some peach blush onto your blush brush.
- Apply the peach blush to the apples of your cheeks for a healthy, natural glow.
Lips:
You will need:
Mid-tone pink lip liner, Raspberry pink lipstick, Small tapered lip brush, Clear lip gloss.
- Filling in your entire lip area minimalizes fading, blurring and feathering of lip color. This greatly reduces the amount of time you’ll spend re-applying lip products and leaves more time for important things, such as blowing kisses to cute boys. Use a mid-tone pink lip liner to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners.
- With a small tapered lip brush apply raspberry lipstick to the center of your lip and then proceed to distribute it over the entire lip area.
- Finish off with a coat of clear lipgloss.
Credits:
Photography:Umbriel Finite Images
Model:Meagan Kyla
Location: Buffalo, NY
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Vanity Kills
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