VICES Goes Green!

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010 by Mich Masoch

Posted in Lip SerVICES |

Got to say, we here at Lip SerVICES love us some St. Patrick’s Day! What other holiday gives one the principal tradition of open, public drunken debauchery? … Well, except Cinco de Mayo (oh, yeah, there’s tacos and beating the crap out of piñatas, too. … Hmmm … beating the shit out of leprechauns …) … oh,  4th of July (but then we blow up shit, too. Hmm, exploding leprechauns? maybe…) … and Memorial Day (but then we barbeque, too. … Nope, not going there!). Oh hell, YES there are quite a few holidays that we’ve kind of made about getting ripped, but St. Pat’s is the king, the Mack Daddy of them all.

Sure, St. Patrick’s Day is about some other stuff … being Irish (or somthing like that …), silly green hats, wearing of green in general, the song Danny Boy … stuff like that. You know, here’s someone better equipped to tell you about the non-drunk part … Take it away, Coco!

Granted, we’re here to talk about drunk. Not just a little tipsy, not wasted, even. I’m talking about some liver-blasting, mind melting supersonic drunk! Well, kinda like this guy. Seriously, how champion degeneate is going for MORE beer when you’re that fucked up. And, awesome add, somebody’s given the video the epic score it richly deserves. Enjoy Drunk Guy!

Haven’t had enough of stumbling, embarassing public drunkenness yet? Okay, here’s a little more before we move on …

How does one achieve the good, olympic drunk? Unless you really like bloat and trips to the head a LOT, I’d avoid the beer unless you’re going Guiness (with some whiskey, perhaps).

Poteen:

The old school Irish used to head for a bit of the poteen (or poitíne). Think of it as Irish moonshine, with more kick than Sister Mary Francis on a bad day. It’s been said that poteen could cause blindness and even sometimes kill people who end up suffering from alcohol poisoning. It is, I shit you not,  also common from elder people to rub poteen on their skin to help with arthritis … well, at least that’s the excuse Gram used to use.

Not feeling quite so hard-core? Okay, ya wee lassie … here’s something a bit more dainty for your delicate constitution …

Whiskey!

First distilled by monks about a thousand years ago, whiskey is a definite go-to! Whether neat or on ice (whiskey buffs recommend just a wee splash of water, by the way), you can’t go wrong with the classics … Old Bushmills, Tullamore Dew, Power’s, Paddy’s and Jameson’s. Granted, the export varieties could never hold a candle to the real Irish stuff. But, let’s remember, since we’re only PRETENDING to be Irish, we can pretend we have the good stuff, too … Right? And … if you can get a leprechaun to pour it down your throat? Irish WIN!

Still too aggro for your poor little tummy?

Okay. Here are a few girlie drinks for you to enjoy …

Irish Kilt

2 oz. Irish Whisky
1 oz. Scotch
1 oz. Lemon juice
1 oz. Sugar water
3 dashes of Orange bitters

Combine all the ingredients in a shaker filled with ice, shake well and strain into a martini glass.

Leprechaun 





2 oz. Irish whisky
Cold Tonic water

Lemon Twist 



Pour whisky into a Collins glass filled with ice, fill with tonic water, stir gently and drop in the lemon twist.
top

And, if you’ve had a few too many of these …

Morning (after) with Leprechauns 



1 1/2 oz. Bailey’s Irish Crème 

1 oz. Irish Whisky 

1/4 oz. Cherry brandy 

3 oz. Cold black coffee (strength to your likeness) 



Combine all the ingredients into a highball glass filled almost to the top with crush ice and stir well.

One last thing before you go … just a little drunk, Irish humor …

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says,
“Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Oh, and, by the way … the priest didn’t get away with any and NEITHER WILL YOU! It may sound all not-so-degenerate of me, but … seriously … don’t drive if you’ll be drinking enough to be seeing leprechauns. You’d probably like to live to debauch another holiday.

Until the next time … keep it sinful!