A Smut Shooter’s Guide to “That Guy”

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010 by Mich Masoch

Posted in Lip SerVICES |

My name is Mich and I’m a shooter. I do a bit of fashion, a touch of live band stuff, but mainly I shoot smut. I’ve worked with some notable porn talent and fetish models and have more on the schedule into the summer. I’ve been and am rather fortunate. But, of course, I am not “that guy”.

 

Who is “That guy”, you ask? Let me briefly explain …

 

Lately, you can barely swing a riding crop without hitting somebody who calls themselves a photographer. Sure, they might have a camera, maybe even a pretty good one. But, let’s face facts here, owning a camera makes them a photographer no more than my owning a set of handcuffs makes me a cop. Models I’ve worked with have regaled me with stories of such “professionals” and their (not so) amusing antics … and, kids, I’ve gotta tell you, it’s not pretty.

 

Girls talk and, within the rarified borders of smut-land, there is a grapevine like you would not believe. At some point or another, many girls do scenes together and … you guessed it … chat about all sorts of stuff, including lots of industry talk. They compare notes and tell their horror stories, too. They make sure that everyone they know knows not to work with ________, that guy who _______. Soon enough, that guy will never be able to get a decent calibre model/performer again. Trust me, you don’t want to be “That guy”. It’s a kiss of death and all his own fault.

 

*Oh, and by the way, you might be tempted to cry sexism because I have made my “fictional” unprofessional male. This is neither sexism nor an accident. I have never, ever heard one horror story of any note about a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they’re out there somewhere, but … let’s be real … it’s kinda like comparing the prevalence of unicorns with cockroaches.*

 

So you think you wanna be a shooter but don’t want to go that road? You actually want models to want to work with you again and not tell all their friends and fellow hot models what a douchenozzle you are? Here’s a handy-dandy guide to start you off on your way to being the favorite of all the models you encounter by not being “That guy”.

 

… You’re welcome.

 

DON’T BE…

Mr. Vants to Be Aloooone:

There are actually asshats, and a surprisingly large number of them, who have decided it’s a great policy to demand that models come to their “studio” (which, by the way, often just happens to be their apartment/house/whatever) alone. This might not seem weird at first blush, but think on this … Some guy you don’t know is going to take pictures of you naked, perhaps bound and/or in other helpless positions. You’d be okay with just hopping on over all by your lonesome? If so, you’re just as fucking stupid as the models who go along with this bullshit. There’s a reason escorts are a pretty standard thing … most models care about their safety and don’t want to trade the risk of hooking up to shoot with Ted Bundy for the chance of a few good photos.

Mr. Show Me Yer Tits:

I’ve seen this guy in action, when I went with a model I work with as her escort on another shoot. (By the way, the first sign this guy was probably “That guy” was that he only deigned to allow me along because the model told him I was her make-up artist.) She is a notable name, respected in another field, one which would not react well to naughty pics. I’ve shot her and know going in that nipples, bare booty, and (certainly) the lady bits are straight out … and so did this asshat. Yet that didn’t stop him from trying everything to get her to drop her kit; from cajoling to guilting and all the way to the photo/model version of “all the cool kids are doing it”, it got kinda embarrassing. Seriously, if you just want to see naughty bits, go to a fucking titty bar. If you want word to travel that you’re a dickhead and for even the models who merrily get naked at the drop of a hat to run the other direction of your douchebaggery, try to get a peek the hard way like “That guy”.

Mr. Big Shot

Oh, this guy is one of my favorites. He’s all full of stories and name-drops of all manner of fabulous and fabulously paying gigs. Yet, when asked, he is never quite able to produce a single thing he’s supposed to have worked on. In one case, this guy … I shit you not … emailed the tiniest and worst example of horrible photoshopped fake to the model … and that’s not even the worst thing! Next, he showed up for a “test shoot” without his fucking camera. Seriously. Yep, that’s the sign of a true professional … he doesn’t even need a camera to shoot pictures! *bwahh hahh haaaah* Yeah, you definitely don’t wanna be that guy.

Mr. Nice Try, Fucker

I imagine that it gets lonely there in the studio sometimes. Having a partner, I guess I’m saved the desperate need for human contact this guy suffers. It is, apparently, so profound that he can only abate it through having models come and suck his cock while he shoots it. Of course, he’ll tell you it’s just about the art and he’s a madcap creator or whatever other bullshit. But really, he’s just a sad, pathetic excuse for a human, much less a photographer. And he gets bonus points for most often working the “cool kids are doing it” and “you’ll never work in this town” two-fer gambit. Impressive in its fucked-up-ness, but you still do not want to be this guy … after all, it’s not like he actually GETS the blowjobs.

Mr. Oh … Did You Want the Pictures?

I have heard more tales than I’d prefer to recall about the guy who takes scads and scads of photos, sometimes even showing them to the model in the screen during the shoot, only to not send them. Maye he’ll send them in 6 months, 8 months, whenever the planets align, the moon is in 7th house, whateverthefuck. I know people get busy … hell, I get plenty busy, too. But I also understand that, for models, photographs are their stock and trade. Especially fetish models and adult performers with their own pay sites … photos are money and fresh photo sets are a do or die thing. Whether it’s because he’s busy or (as I oft-times suspect) the photos actually turned out to be crap once they could be seen larger, that guy is never getting another chance to fuck that model or any of her friends out of her photos (her currency).

Mr. Creativity (or not)

There is nothing a model LOVES more than coming to a shoot, only to find the “artist” has no idea what the fuck he wants her to do. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with just having a girl stand there, bored to tears, while you click away like there’s something interesting going on … Wait a moment! Yes there frick’n is. If there’s even a chance of being that guy? Seriously … stick to buildings and trees and crap until you’re ready to play in the bigs. It’s much less embarrassing for everyone.

Mr. (Too) Friendly

It should be fucking obvious that models are not coming to your studio because they want to be groped and leered at and generally made to feel violated. Again, it should be obvious (at least to anyone over the emotional development level of 11 or so) that, just because a woman lets people see her naked and does naughty things on film, doesn’t mean she’s down to do those sorts of things for anyone/to anyone./etc. It is not her job to be manhandled. Seriously, if you are that desperate to touch a woman, perhaps you should take a little trip to a certain ranch in the Nevada desert where that sort of thing IS their job.

Mr. Ugly-is-Beautiful (or just more ugly)

Yes, there are a few photographers who have made quite a reputation for stripping away the artifice of models’ images. They shoot from strange angles, sometimes not the most flattering ones and can work for a mussed, dark, or even haggard appearance. But the difference between them and this guy is simple … they know what the fuck they’re doing. There is a method to their seeming madness, a delicate beauty in the harshness. Without that, it’s really just a thinly veiled dislike of models and seeming need to make them look bad. Who wants to look like a roughed up pumpkinhead? Nobody, that’s who. No model will ever want another shoot with that guy. Ever.

 

Well, I hope this peek into smut photography and what not to do has been enlightening. I’ll be sharing some of my adventures among the beautiful and beautifully naughty in the next Vice when we explore the Secret Lives of Porn Stars.

 

Until then …