So You Want to be in Smut: A Shooter’s Guide to “That Girl”

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010 by Mich Masoch

Posted in Lip SerVICES |

So you want to be in alt/fetish smut or good old fashioned porn? You’ve seen sexy photos or video and think, “I can do that!” Maybe you can and maybe you can’t … in the end, the judgement that counts is not yours but in the hands of someone like me, somebody who shoots photo or video as a job, not a hobby. More importantly, for you at least, the judgement will be made by someone like me who will decide to work with you or not.

We’ve talked about the “interesting” habits of shooters to help you figure out who is or is not “That Guy”. Unfortunately for we shooters, all of you people on the other side of the camera are not exactly wall-to-wall sunshine and perfection in your habits either. So, in the sense of fairness you fucking love about me (you know you do), let’s talk about how to not be “That Girl” (and I’m not talking about 70s Marlo Thomas sit-coms here). And, in that same sense of fairness and realism, we’re pretty much talking about the womenfolk here. That’s who most of us shoot, so turnabout is fair play.

Like shooters, you pretty much can’t turn a lens in any relatively urban setting without some aspiring model/performer being captured in it. Adult content, whether naughty or flat-out dirty, is getting more and more play on the internet and even showing up a bit here and there in mainstream media (I’m looking at you Jenna, Sasha, Katie, and Dita) and many of you out there want to grab onto your 15 minutes. Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you? Modeling and performing may be work, but it’s not exactly slinging cocktails or data entry or any variety of crap jobs that pay crappier and … here’s the important thing … don’t involve being adored and flattered and gushed over.

And that’s not even taking into account the possibility of making serious money, transitioning to even better paying gigs in more mainstream outlets, having your own website generating income from your photos and videos, much less the Big Kahuna … maybe getting discovered FOR REAL. Yep, even the most remote possibility of fame is a huge light attracting lots and lots of hopefuls to the fetish and porn ranks.

So … here’s the big SO … do you have what it takes to be asked for time and again? Or, perhaps, are you doomed to linger at the outskirts of the pack, wondering why you don’t get repeat calls? Maybe this simple guide can help.

It is a basic fact of life, no matter what your field, you are not THAT unique. No one is irreplaceable. That’s just reality. Those of us who work with models and performers will never, and I mean NEVER, work with someone a second time if they are difficult. We have a job to do, one which really only begins for us after the shoot is over. We also have expenses, which often include paying rental for a location, keeping makeup artists and/or stylists on hand, other performers, etc. So, it stands to reason, we have a low sense of humor about anything that puts our shoot into extra time.

When push comes to shove, we have shit to do and don’t take kindly to wrenches thrown in our works.

So, how can you avoid this fate? Check out these Not-So-Desirable types and see if it sounds a bit too familiar. If so, you may be “That Girl”.

Ms. Personal Hygiene

I don’t want to get too graphic here, but there is an undeniable reality about shooting adult content. Close contact happens. If you’re doing a girl/girl or boy/girl scene, your scene partner will most likely (even in a soft-core shoot) be near pits and naughty bits. We’re showing titillation and sexy situations so, even if you’re not going all the way downtown, you’re still in the neighborhood. So, it’s just a matter of consideration to make sure everything is fairly fresh in the smell department, especially down there in vag-land.

Even if it’s a solo shoot, this doesn’t lessen the need for being fresh. Trust me when I say … if you’ve not been taking care of your hygiene, I’ll know it. There are lots of arms-up poses, not to mention that, when you’re nude, there is no barrier between the air I’m breathing and whatever you might have going on in your nether regions. I’m not right up in there but, believe me, a few feet away is plenty close enough. I had a model over to my studio once that, I shit you not, I could smell from across the room. It was a bad shoot to have to endure … really bad … and, needless to say, I would never shoot that model again for any pile of cash thrown my way. There are twenty other models I could call for her specific type who won’t assault my senses, so they’ll get the call instead.

Ms. Straight-Jacket

Let’s face it, some of us out here in the world are not right in the head. Some of us have some major issues to sort out before we should be allowed at the grown-ups’ table. Unfortunately, some of these interesting specimens find their way into the adult industry, in some cases in a bizarre bid to replace the counseling they desperately need with acting out. Needless to say, this does not make for the pleasant and productive environment one wants on a set. Crazy begets crazy and turns a perfectly good scene into a fucking whirlwind trip down the ragged road to Crazytown. Other performers get uncomfortable, things go wrong, and we wind up with content with little to no value outside a clinical study. Some men seem to think crazy chicks are hot and, honestly, they can keep them. I’ll stick to nice, sane women, thanks, and keep my shoots from turning into the heart of fucking darkness or some homage to Plath.

Ms. High-Maintenance

Oh, I could do a whole blog about just one multi-day experience we had with models who should have their photos next to the phrase “high-maintenance” in the dictionary. These girls (and I call them “girls” because they most assuredly were NOT grown-ups) turned a weekend event from a fun break in our routine to a living hell with their endless demands, irrational behavior, and whining. Imagine, if you will, going out of town and trying to pull off coordinating a naughty runway show from square one … for that evening. Then imagine the so-called professionals you paid money to bring to the event putting your show in danger of not coming off. They make you late by not being awake or packed, then spend an hour each to get their shit together. They make you later by demanding stops virtually every 20-30 minutes, then more stops for what they didn’t get or do at the last stop. They make you go on a wild goose chase through a strange city for shit they should’ve brought in the first place, or at least could’ve gotten at any one of the several extra stops on the road. Once you arrive, they don’t want to wear the outfits as styled … kinda important in a fashion show, yeah? Pile on top a mound of complaints and whining, plus … I shit you not … trying to take the hotel’s pillows because, “We do it all the time.” And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. All the while, they actually believed they were entitled to behave that way, once or twice even saying it out loud. Why did we tolerate it? We were over a barrel, in a sense, powerless to risk our event over our rightful indignation. We needed them, which is a situation I’d prefer to not have to face again.

Am I surprised to not see these models getting lots of work and being seen throughout the alt and fetish world? Nope. Because, to be fabulously blunt, I would never EVER deign to work with these impossible girls ever again. In fact, I would turn down a project flat if either of them were even remotely involved. I would imagine that, if the behavior I got the business end of is indicative of their norm, other professionals feel the same way.

Ms. Attitude

Okay, certain super-models who shall not be named can get away with their more-fabulous-than-thou attitudes for a time. They are famous and have developed a visual brand that other brands want to add shine to their own. You, however, are not a super-model. You are most likely a green unknown with a slim portfolio and no name or face recognition to counteract the reasons you give me to not hire you. So, how is it that some of you (and you know who you are) saunter onto the site with an attitude that would choke a fucking horse? While I understand you may think you’re as hot as any super-models, the reality is you will never get beyond seasoned amateur status if the people who select models don’t want to put up with your shit.

Sure, there are a few exceptions who may be able to sneak through and get a few more gigs, despite a crappy attitude. One model I recall from a couple of years back was a holy terror through the entirety of her shoot. She raged about the styling, the clothes, the shoes, the hair, the pace, pretty much everything involved, enough so that we started wondering, “If she hates all this so fucking much, why did she even bother to submit her portfolio for the job?” While this was going on, she bragged about all the shoots she’d been kicked off. If there were a possibility of replacing her, rest assured, she’d have been kicked off that set, too. Someone would have to be a serious masochist and care very little for their other models or performers to endure that level of bullshit. If you’re ever tempted to believe yourself so grand you can behave like a bitch on set, take a look in the mirror. If you aren’t seeing that face all over the place, in photos, covers, film, DVD boxes, magazine spreads, you may want to reign back before you see to it that you never will.

Ms. Wood

While it should be said that the person in charge of the shoot should know what they want from the models and performers, it is the minimum responsibility of those in front of the camera to make it look good. It goes almost without saying, someone being presented in a sensual or sexual context should be able to pose and move well. They should be able to present sexy in a physical context, emoting with not only their face but with their body as well. An arched back, lithe legs and arms, a graceful extended neck are critical to the appeal of the visuals. Obviously, stiff limbs and tensed muscles do not exactly present a sexy picture. They make the viewer feel their discomfort … not quite what’s going to inspire me to want another go-round with that model or performer at the risk of more useless content. We get paid for sexy. Anything else is money out the window … and your name off the go-to list.

Now, I don’t know about you but, when I’m doing my professional thing, I’m not exactly thrilled with getting the bare minimum. Some flexibility is more mental and creative than physical. I like to work with models and performers who bring something more to the table than just a baby-step above showing up. I look for and bring back the ones who realize this is a creative industry and bring their ideas on set, too. Mind you, there are shooters and producers who don’t want your input but those exceptions to the rule are just that … and not too common. For my money, and it often is (my money at stake), a performer or model who comes in excited about a concept enough to have put thought into how they can make it better is golden. She’s going to be a go-to in my book and, I dare say, quite a few others. The converse, a model without ideas or input? She doesn’t excite me and, again I dare say, probably won’t excite my target audience either. Boredom or lack of investment in the shoot shows. And the flat, lifeless result is not going to get your phone ringing with calls for more uninspired zombie routine.

Ms. Excitement

There is such a thing as too much. And there is definitely a point of much too much. Yeah, I know I just said that being disengaged and not emoting was a bad thing. But, guess what? So is its evil fraternal twin, over-emoting. Nobody needs more of the ubiquitous belly-clutching, doubled-over, face contortions of Ms. Über-alt. And we certainly don’t need any more adult performers frantically clutching their own hair at the sides of their head with an expression that, instead of looking like ecstasy, brings to mind padded rooms and straight-jackets. It just ain’t sexy, ladies. And … once again … we get paid for sexy.

Can I ask that we place a moratorium on a few tired-ass unsexy clichés of over-emotage? Please, for fuck’s sake, no more bugged-open eyeballs with big-O mouths … please! Unless you are a kewpie doll or a certified adorable Japanese schoolgirl in Lolita drag, it’s just done … to fucking death. On the more smutty side, can we skip the sucking air through gritted teeth thing? You all know what I’m talking about. And, while we’re at it, can the ever-present nasal whine of “yeeeah, yeeeee-ah” go to the undignified death it deserves? You’re not fooling anyone … really, you’re not. Considering every other woman in porn has been doing that exact intonation for decades? Not sexy. And a few over-the-top poses we can do without … the afore-mentioned belly-clutching, of course. The opposite of sexy … off-putting, really. Let’s also can the bent over and do-me face looking back next to the thigh; I know it’s a standard, that’s why it needs to fucking go already. And last, but not least, if you are not capable of discerning your come-hither look from slack-jawed, your innocent gaze from dazed and confused, your smoldering from painful constipation, and your “O” face from raw terror, please do us all a favor. Try those expressions out in front of a mirror, then maybe for some friends who will be honest with you, and … here’s a novel concept … in front of somebody else’s camera (that doesn’t have a job to do) before you bring that bad drama school crap to my shoot. A good expressive face is sexy, but what kinda qualifies as making faces? Not sexy … just … NO.

Ms. Delicate Flower

I appreciate that some of you are new to this whole naughty, sexy world. You’re prone to have a nerve or two coming into doing a shoot. That’s understandable and we all empathize. We’ve all been novices once ourselves and had to get over that hump, often with the calming influence of veterans who empathized with us. But, like all things, there is a limit. A good gauge is how much of my time you’re taking up trying to be ready to do the job you were hired to do. I’m a patient person, really, I am. But, at the end of the day, I have a location I’m probably paying for, other performers or crew who have come (sometimes from pretty good distances) ready to work, a fucking life to lead and a job to get done. Jitters are fine, but nobody wants to have to hold anybody’s hand or feel like they’re dragging you and your inhibitions along for the shoot.

I recently worked with some first-timers who had never been before the camera. Certainly, they were nervous at first. We all felt for them and took a few extra minutes to help them feel comfortable. We took the time to go through the full vignette so, once we got to each scene, there would be no surprises. But, the moral of the story (in this decadent tale) is this: They pulled through like seasoned veterans and, if you were to watch the videos or check out the photos, would never guess they were new to it all. The bottom line is, you’re either ready to go or you’re not. You should know this before you’ve put other people’s time and investment at risk. Anything else makes you “That Girl”, the one we don’t want back.

So there it is. You want to not be “That Girl”? Stick to avoiding these pitfalls and others like them and you’ll safely stay in the graces of those who rely on your skill and professionalism to make their projects go smoothly and make everyone money.

Trust me, those of us behind the camera may be a taxing lot at times. But we appreciate you when you make our jobs easier and our sets a fun place to be, we really do. We’ll keep calling you back and recommending you, building your portfolio, resume, and reputation which could lead to even better projects and paychecks, not to mention the adoration.

Sounds much better than sitting home, waiting for the jobs that aren’t coming, doesn’t it?