Archive for December, 2010

Anyone in Tokyo this XXX-mas? You are in luck. Japan is the capital of creative, experimental Gothic fashion — and there are several club events happening on December 25th!

Midnight Mess is the longest-running Goth Industrial EBM event in Tokyo. On December 25th, organizer Maya is hosting a † Nightmare After X’mas † party, featuring performer Chaos Royale. For maps, instructions and details, I have a big fat Tokyo club guide on La Carmina blog.

Readers often tell me they feel intimidated to go to Japanese Goth parties alone, especially if they are new to Tokyo. Rest assured that everyone is very nice, and many of the hosts speak English. The crowd may be covered in piercings and leopard print, but they’re some of the nicest folk you’ll ever meet at a club!

Here I am with the Midnight Mess family. In addition to DJs, there are rope suspensions and live musical performers. Covenant, Das Ich, Spanking Machine, Skinny Puppy and more have graced the stage.

On Christmas, Tokyo Decadance is also taking place at J-Pop Cafe in Shibuya. DJ SiSEN and Selia are regular performers.

Organized by Adrien le Danois, Decadance is notorious for its crazy cyber rainbow club fashion. You’ll see every style tribe here — from Gothic Lolita to light-up body suits.

What if you don’t have a flamboyant outfit? You can buy fashion from the booths at the party, such as these custom eyelashes by ViVi.

What if you’re not in Tokyo for the holidays? No problem — the parties happen every month. And Decadance Bar — the hangout of space alien club queens – is open every night of the week.

How to get there? For addresses, RSVP info, maps and reports please check out my Tokyo club guide.

Excellent news - I’m in Los Angeles from December 28 to Jan 10th! Can’t wait to drop by Lip Service headquarters and say hi to the team.

On Saturday, Jan 1st, Sebastiano Serafini and La Carmina are hosting a party at LA’s spookiest nightclub, Bar Sinister in Hollywood.

Two indie-alternative bands are performing that night: Julien-K and The Dreaming. There will be fetish playroom stations, Goth EBM Industrial deejays, and copious amounts of absinthe… we hope you can come!!

WHAT: La Carmina & Sebastiano Serafini — party at Bar Sinister. RSVP on Facebook.

WHEN: Saturday, January 1st, 2011, 10:30pm to late. (Please note this is the evening of Jan 1st, NOT New Year’s Eve)
WHERE: Bar Sinister, 1652 N Cherokee Ave (between Hollywood and Selma), Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $16.50 advance / $20 at the door / $5 off with a MySpace flyer. Bring your receipt and ID (21+).
HOW TO BUY: Go to the Bar Sinister site, scroll down to Jan 1st and click Buy Now for advance tickets. Or just show up and get tickets at the door.

So excited to party with you on Jan 1st! Please save the date and tell all your Los Angeles friends. We promise not to bite… unless you want us to…

Itching for more Japanese Goth Lolita clubbing photos and fashion? I post daily photos and reports on www.lacarmina.com/blog – please check it out.

† Dark Wishes †
LA CARMINA

The new Cold Blue Rebels album is just about ready to go! It’s set for release on Jan. 11, with a badass party to celebrate at Bar Sinister on the 15th!

You can make sure you get your hot little hands on a copy ASAP by placing a preorder with Amazon now. Preorder Blood, Gits & Rock N Roll

Until then, you’ll just need to satisfy yourself with the treat Mickey gave us for you … Enjoy!

The video for “Cold, Blue, and Beautiful” (by Plastic Hassle):

Cold Blue Rebels – Cold Blue & Beautiful from DesignerJim on Vimeo.

PEACE ON PLANET EARTH
(And to all other planets I visit.)

This month I’ve decided to give you the gift of rock-n-roll music. After all, it is the silly season and consider this my X-Mas present to the fiends who believe in the power of music. Oh, and to all who know looking fabulous in Lip Service clothing means you’ll get more presents this year. L.S.Clothing makes your naughtiness; a nice thing hehe. Yep, yep. And it contributes to the whole peace on earth, good will to mankind, be cool to others thing as well … The power of good fashion … It’s there for you my friends.
Cheers to all … I say love and respect shall lead the way every day and not just through one certain time of year … Let it be an ongoing thing and shine with it my brothers and sisters. We are all in this together. Rise above and be beautiful to each other. YEYEAH!!!!!!

I’ve just put some finishing touches on the new TLV record and I’m glad to say it’s on its way to completion with mix and mastering. This record has been a completely different studio experience than I’ve ever gone though. And it’s been the most work. (But some of the things that went down late night were quite a trip …Very tasty … I will let you in someday when you are old enough.) It’s everything you will want it to be. 100% TLV. Looking forward to the future as always. Can’t wait to unleash the monster and give you a wild and exciting ride into the depths of a band of five guys who want nothing more than to seduce you to the spooky groovy and make ya jump out of your skin to sex beats and hot leather attitude … Get ready.
Till then, here is the brand new single from our album Whatever Gets You Off … ‘Apologize’ … Download it for free. thelastvegas.com
And don’t miss out on the video. I threw up some stills from the shoot. Enjoy.

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Happy Holidaze to all and to all a devilishly R-n-R good time!!!!!! See you all in Los Angeles in January. (I’m not staying in Chicago for the damn winter time.) Joy! C.C.

We know you’ve got lots of shopping left to do and can’t bear the though of not getting the killer deals at our Bargain Basement store, even though you’ve kinda waited ’til the last minute.

That’s why WE’RE OPENING THE STORE THIS FRIDAY!

This Friday, December 24, we’ll open the Bargain Basement store for your holiday shopping between 10 AM and 4 PM! Cross off all the names on your gift list in style … and maybe pick up a lttle something for you, too. After all, at such great prices, you can afford to splurge a little.

Here are a few details:

The Bargain Basement store is at Lip Service HQ

130 South Anderson Street – Los Angeles, CA

Phone: 323.260.7308

Payment: Cash and Visa/Mastercard accepted

Please note: No web store exchanges, returns, or store credits may be used at the Bargain Basement Sample Store.

If you need some map/directions, here you go:

View Larger Map

Happy Holidays and Happy Lip Service Holiday Shopping!

For this fashion-crazed style blogger, 2010 was all about Giger-inspired prints, reach-for-the-sky strong shoulder accented silhouettes (Cyber Sniper, Das Bunker) and an excess of pinks (cotton candy, magenta, and neon-OH MY!)

As far as “the scene” is concerned, I believe pink became the new black sometime circa 1998, which not-so-oddly coincided with Marilyn Manson going through his Mechanical Animals phase. Outwardly ripping off David Bowie’s 70s glam-rock androgynous alien alter ego, Ziggy Stardust, seemed to produce an interesting trickledown effect. As if overnight, a new breed of “glam goth” surfaced, seemingly out of nowhere. You better believe that the very hordes of black-clad teens who’d scoff at the mere mention of pink just a month or so prior, declaring it unfit to wear for anyone who wasn’t a “prep”, started to sport fuchsia feather boas draped around their necks. The look was in no way complete without a heavy helping of good old-fashioned denial upon being questioned about the sudden change of heart (“Pink? I’ve been rocking that shit for years”). It goes without saying that just about every self professed “glam goth” would rather die than cite Marilyn Manson as a style influence. I know I’d publicly announce to anyone within earshot that “My look was heavily influenced by Switchblade Symphony” (Despite Switchblade Symphony’s signature ensembles being more “babydoll” than “glam”). Given the fact I’m turning 28 next month, it’s safe to say I am fully capable of looking back and finding endless amusement in the folly of my “gother-than-thou” youth. Oh, to be 16 again and think coupling pink with black was the ultimate fashion forefront.

“Glam Goths” came and went (it wasn’t long before the retina-hurting bright tribe of cybergoths filled the color void), Manson swelled with coke bloat, and yet the author’s love for this perky shade remained. Some things never change.

Nothing embodies the flamboyant essence of “glam goth” better than Nocturnal Rendezvous Ruffle Shrug in the black/magenta colorway. Princess-like puff sleeves, magenta PVC ruffles adorned with black lace overlay and ribbon detailing make for the most ultimate “Look-at-me-I’m-high-maintenance“ accompaniment to all those slinky New Year’s Eve Party gowns. Not exactly a garment built for comfort, but “glam goths” tend to attribute such things to those with more plebeian tastes. These vainglorious creatures are far more concerned with reeling in praise for their wardrobe choices :)

I love Space Age nostalgia. Yesterday’s tomorrow populated the collective minds of mid-century masses with visions of a high-tech utopia yet to materialize: Hover cars, colonizing the moon, traveling to far off galaxies and mating with hot space aliens. Not to mention the sex robots! Since NONE OF THIS will happen in my lifetime, I’ll have to settle for attiring myself in retro-futuristic pieces straight out of Judy Jetson’s closet, like this Cyber Sniper Skylab Zip Front Jacket in the black/neon pink colorway. Excuse me while my bubblegum hued pointy-shouldered jacket and I continue to long for “the future that never was”.

Adding a grimly dystopian touch to your casual get-ups without going full on Road Warrior is easier than you think. With their unmistakably Giger-esque flair, Erotomechanics Printed Leggings paired with a basic black or grey sweater dress make for a no-nonsense (yet still surprisingly high impact) day look.

Don’t let winter give you the cold shoulder! Stay stylishly warm indoors by layering the Erotomechanics Cropped Jacket over your favorite tank or tee. Swap your usual bulky sweatshirt for this sexy biomechanical wrapper and look just as hot watching Alien all cuddled up on the couch with your boy as you do tearing it up at the club when a good old school Hocico track comes on.

Action Shot:

My friend Lisa and I attired in our matching Erotomechanics Cropped Jackets at a Worms of the Earth show at Club Orpheus in Baltimore, MD. Since the photo is cut off at the waist, you can’t see that we wore matching Erotomechanics Printed Leggings and Oil Spill Skirts with Zip Front Garter and Pouch as well.

The Lolita Candy Snap Front Neck Collar in the black/pink colorway can really doll up an otherwise unnotable solid color button down, add a pinch of sweetness to a black lace blouse or freshen up a close-fitting spaghetti strap camisole. Or try it as a fun, fashionable alternative to a traditional scarf (though that’ll only work if your winters are more San Franciscan than Buffalonian).

Action Shot:

Photo by: Eye of Ra

I have made previous mention of indulging in mainstream fashion magazines on a rather regular basis. It’s no secret to consumers of women’s interest periodicals the content has the tendency to recycle itself fairly often. Statistically, there’s a very high probability of animal print being showcased in some form just about every year. Fishnet tends to make the rounds more infrequently, but it is known to make cyclical guest appearances every few seasons in fall fashion issues.

Let me note how much I do so love the borderline Puritan styling advice which usully accompanies either leopard print or fishnet (most glossy women’s rags hold the conviction only a lady who gets paid-by-the hour would dare to wear the two together) in the spreads featuring them. It’s always “For a classy take on this vixen staple, pair beige fishnets with long pants, leaving just a tiny flash of ‘netted ankle exposed” (thought this is fine advice for the corporate environment, but no fun for real life), “Fishnets and pumps are a surefire way to get mistaken for a streetwalker” and “To tone down the trampiness of leopard; limit the print to a sassy scarf or wild wrist candy coupled with understated separates in a neutral color palette”. I find it thoroughly hilarious.

I for one delight in the notion of taking trashy to the next level in my Lip Service Hosiery Leopard Fishnet Tights. Might even go the extra mile and don ‘em with my Trash Mini Skirt with Side Lacing and leopard print underbust corset. Rumor has it we tacky tramps have more fun ;)

I’m not going to tell you how incredibly exquisite the Blacklist Princess Tears Longsleeved Blouse is, because you can see it for yourself. What I will tell you is I spent an embarrassingly long amount of time trying to properly categorize the sleeves as either Juliet or Leg o’ Mutton. After my research left me with inconclusive data and a question still unanswered, I have determined them to be hybrid Leg o’ Juliet sleeves. Obviously coming up with a new and ridiculous classification used exclusively to identify parts of garments I don’t even own yet is the only way my brain will attain some semblance of peace, thus granting me the ability to successfully move on to other parts of this blog :)

Circuit City Zip Front Hooded Jacket in the black/neon green colorway turns synthesized glamour into an art form. The circuitry’s connotations of exposed android entrails, sexiness through artifice and strategically exposed flesh are all the things which initially attracted me to cybergoth nearly 10 years ago. Before it mutated into a hot rave mess. Personally, I’d forego the mask and goggles.

Will definitely pack this for my annual Kinetik pilgrimage.

Just because you’ve had the misfortune of spotting them on select overdramatic 14-year old Emilie Autumn fangirls (and no, I don’t get the hype around EA either), don’t be so quick to dismiss bloomers as a whole. Let it be known Lolita Candy Elastic Pants with Ribbon Trim in the black/pink colorway make for some seriously yummy sleepwear.

Sharp-peaked shoulder silhouette, epaulets and silver piping give the Das Bunker Cap Sleeve Top in the black/gun metal colorway a decidedly futuristic militant flavor. Matter of fact, I wore it out this past Saturday night and my boyfriend pointed out my shirt was reminiscent of something “space police” would wear. Space police? I’ll RSVP to THAT party :)

I think I’m gonna need a fabulous black military wedge hat with reflective piping accents to complete the outfit.

And this concludes my personal Top 10 of 2010. I don’t know about you, but I’m already itching to see what Spring, Summer, Fall, and Holiday 2011 have to offer!

<3

Vanity Kills

Here you are, coming fatefully close to the deadline for picking up cool holiday gifts for all your favorite people. Yet, you still have that one special person left uncrossed on your list. What’s a prospective badass Santa to do?

Maybe we can help. You know they love Lip Service, but aren’t quite sure which stylegroups would be the ones to make their heart beat just a little faster. Well, here is a little quiz to help you over that hump and find the Lip Service gift that’ll make them thank you in extra-special lovey ways.

If you know just a few things about their favorite stuff, we can narrow down those choices and make your job that much easier. Check out the options and mark the answer you think suits them best. At the end, check out your results. Then follow to the links to check out all the hottest gear to find the perfect gift.

What would they consider an average fun weekend?

A – A fabulously dark club filled with vintage Victorian décor.
B- Rat that hair and rock out with your cock out, baby!
C – Discipline and more discipline.
D – A girl party? Burlesque show?
E – It all about otaku … hacking, manga, gaming and cosplay
F – Polishing their wardrobe and heading to the dungeon club
G – A seedy dive of a pool hall and maybe a car rally
H – Building gadgets for their pirate airship

What are their favorite movies or TV shows?

A – Edward Scissorhands (anything Burton, really), The Crow, Tales From the Crypt, all things vampire, The Addams Family, Dark Shadows
B – Rock n Roll High School, This is Spinal Tap, Rock of Love, VH1 Behind the Music, The Great Rock n Roll Swindle, Foxes (Cherie Curry … helllooooo)
C – Full Metal Jacket, Old Klaw reels, Secretary, The Night Porter, 1984, Lawrence of Arabia, Apocolypse Now, Excalibur
D – Behind the Burly Q, Gypsy, Some Like it Hot, The Josephine Baker Story, The Night They Raided Minsky’s
E – Blade Runner, Metropolis, Max Headroom, A Scanner Darkly, Cowboy Bebop, Ghost in the Shell, Escape from New York, Tank Girl (even though the movie kinda sucked), Tron, Videodrome
F – Secretary (a kinky people two-fer!), The Hunger, Blade, Kill Bill, Boogie Nights, Wild at Heart, Real Sex, 54
G – The Wild One, Twilight Zone, Jailhouse Rock (pretty much any Elvis movies), High School Confidential, Drag Strip Riot, Hot Rod Rumble, Rebel Without a Cause, The Blob, Untamed Youth
H – The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, anything Sherlock Holmes, The Time Machine (not the crap one with Guy Pearce), Time After Time, The Wild Wild West, The Prestige, The Golden Compass

Most of the music on their iTunes?

A – Bauhaus, The Cure, Joy Division, Sisters of Mercy, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Alien Sex Fiend, Nico
B – The Ramones, Black Flag, Elvis Costello, Patti Smith, Iggy & the Stooges, Ozzy, Classic Van Halen, AC DC, Metallica, The Last Vegas
C – Nine Inch Nails, Ministry, Thrill Kill Cult, Marilyn Manson, VNV Nation, Kraftwerk, Skinny Puppy, Combichrist
D – The Stripper (old school bump and grind music in general), Sinatra, Dean Martin, Tony Bennett, Etta James
E – Angelspit, Deus Ex Machina, Front Line Assembly, Devo
F – Enigma, Soft Cell, Kraftwerk, New Order, Cabaret Voltaire, The Chemical Brothers, The Crystal Method, Propellerheads
G – Johnny Cash, X, The Cramps, The Blasters, Tiger Army, The Chop Tops, Elvis, Carl Perkins, Cold Blue Rebels
H – Abney Park, Doctor Steel, The Men That Will Not Be Blamed for Nothing, Unextraordinary Gentlemen, The Clockwork Dolls

Okay, here’s where all your deep thinking and pondering pays off. Which option, A-H, is closest to their tastes? Have you made a choice? Cool! Just scroll down to the right letter for some awesome gift suggestions and links.

A – Blacklist

The Blacklist Fashion Freak has a penchant for the dramatic sartorial flourish, particularly with a dark edge. They love black and deep blood-like colors, especially in old-school fabrics like brocade, velvet, antique lace. Virtually anything in the Blacklist division would be ideal, but the actual Blacklist group is the best choice. Great basics and extravagant accents make this the go-to group for any gothic wardrobe.

B – Classic Lippy

Whether it’s punk, old-school rock, or metal, Rock-n-Roll represents the first roots of Lip Service and is still at the heart of Lippy fashion. Do they lean toward the punk side? Check out the tasty treats in Punk and Disorderly and hot basic (and not-so-basic) jeans in the Rock n Roll Jeans Hardcore.

Old school and glammy hair bands more their speed? Look to the Lippy über-classics, like the Dagger-emblazoned 25 Years (now 10% off, too, SAVINGS WIN!), the more daringly fashion-forward Rock n Roll Jeans Street and the newest rocking styles for her in Batz N Bones.

Is their rocking self a bit darker, more intense? Try our Rock n Roll Jeans Classics and, for him, the brand new Dead-Nation jackets and shirts.

C – Military and Fetish

So they’re all about the clean line and put-together look of military gear? A bit more challenging in their fashion, with a touch of hardcore fetish? Check out our fantasy military group, Das Bunker, or the clean-lined Fallout (now 50% off or more … sweeeet!), and, for him check out the badass Dead-Nation with all that awesome hardware and straps!

D – It’s a girl thing … Burlesque, frills, and lace

She’s all about being a girl, lots of frills, bows, and femimne touches, but she’s also got a distinctly naughty side, which you REALLY dig. Give that naughty side something delicious to wear from the brand new Nocturnal Rendezvous or Lolita Candy (now ON SALE!) or, if their girliness has a darker side, try the slinkily vinyl Black Diamond Dynasty. Or maybe just go for the gusto and pick her up a super-sexy ensemble from our hot leopard lingerie, Cat’s Meow.

E – Cyber Sexy

They’re not just fashion forward, but fashion WAY forward? Giger and Gibson make their heart go pitter-pat? We’ve got a lot of great sexy cyber looks, from fetishy to cyberpunk. Check out the futuristic looks of Cyber Sniper or Dead-Nation, the fetishy futurism of Desensitized (on sale!), or the colorfully club-friendly Circuit City (on Sale!) Or, you can go full-tilt cyber fetsish sexy with the Giger-inspired fishnet slice of awesome that is Erotomechanics (now 10% OFF!).

F – Shiny, shiny sexy

So they like a little taste of the fetish, but just a hint. They like to let their freak flag fly at chic clubs with slinky, shiny, sexy gear and whimisical dress-up looks. Mmmm yeah, we dig that, too, and have lots of killer looks to cross the lines between fashion, fetish, and funky in style. Check out the eclectic groove of our Patent Vinyl collection, the naughty fun of Looks That Kill, club-friendly monster fur and vinyl of Burning Fur You, and straps and only straps of Caged. Or, for a classic crossover look, check out the classy clingy pinstrips of Gangsta Pranksta our hot fishnet styles in Fash-ist Fishnet or the studded hotness of Pretty Woman.

G – Retro Chic

They’re all about the fashion flashback? She’ll adore the slinky, tulle-fluffed, and polka-dotted pin-up looks of Pin Me Up. He’ll dig the retro gearhead classics of the Service collection: badass tees with killer graphics, work shirts, jackets, hoodies, and straight-leg Greaser fit jeans.

H – Steampunk and Steam Pirate Flashbacks to a Future Past

Their Victorian era is filled with speculative visions of gears, steam, and airship pirates? We have just the thing for their sartorial pleasure. Try looks from Step In Time for the height of steam fashion, from the casual to dress pieces and brass-decked accessories. They lean more toward a more nefarious character? Check out the badass looks of Brocade Piracy.

Here at Lip Service, we’re kinda like your Nana, but not in a crotchety old lady sort of way. We get a little misty and choked up when our family of Fashion Freaks comes home. So, we thought we’d sweeten the deal … and not with some assy fruitcake!

If you’ve ordered from LipService.com before, we kinda consider you part of our funky, little family. So, you should receive a special holiday card with a tempting invite to come home.

Just think of it as the Lip Service NICE LIST!

How does a 15% discount on everything in the webstore until the end of 2010 sound? Yeah, we know … beats the hell out of that fucking snuggie Uncle Melvin is about to foist on you, eh?

To use your 15% discount, check your inbox for our special email. It will have the code inside but, just in case, we thought we’d capture the moment here, too. The code is:

RETURN15

Here’s the deal:

First – You must have ordered from LipService.com and received the special email (if you think you have NOT received the email and should, please email us through the site’s contact form).

Second – You must complete your returning customer order before 11:59 PM December 31, 2010.

Third – You must use the code RETURN15 at the time of checkout

Fourth – You get 15% Off and … we’re so happy you decided to come home, we won’t even make you kiss Aunt Selma!

Happy Holidays to our fabulous family of Fashion Freaks and a safe and not-so-sane New Year!

Okay, you got us. So what if there’s only a couple weeks left in 2010 … they’re a frick’n epic couple of weeks of 10% OFF all your web orders at LipService.com!

Well, we were thinking about what we wanted to give all you Fashion Freaks and it just seemed right to do what we know you REALLY want, more hot Lippy gear for less money. So, that’s exactly what we got you …

10% OFF EVERYTHING ON ALL WEB ORDERS UNTIL THE END OF 2010!

The only thing you need to do to be on this awesome “Nice” list is to use the special Holiday Discount code at checkout:

HOLIDAY10

That’s it! Order some new gear for you, for your favorite Fashion Freaks, too, at LipService.com before 11:59 PM December 31, 2010, enter the discount code HOLIDAY10 at checkout, save money! You’re welcome.

Happy Holidays, everyone, and a safe and not-so-sane New Year!

Well, December is here and, whether it brings you joy or gives you the blues, we all have to get through it to get to the biggest party of the year, the 31st! Although I have gone through years of bah humbug and anti Xmas days, I somehow or another have grown to be all good with the holiday season and all the sentimental memories it arouses in me. We all know times are tough, but most of us also have something to be thankful for. Be it family, friends, that special someone, or a new pair of Lip Service jeans, giving thanks for another year of life is something we all need to take the time to do.

That said, here’s a quick rehash of the last few weeks.

The LS design team has been busy completing our line for next year’s Summer and Fall seasons, as well as 25 new packaged costumes, which are on display at the International Halloween Show in New York City this week. Keep in mind, the LS retail website is the place for your one-stop shopping, with plenty of great deals and speedy shipping options to get you your gifts quicker than Santa!

November came and went with a calming trend in business here at LS as well as my music, with my band taking a few weekends after non-stop shows almost every weekend this year! The mandatory turkey was cooked, the hot cherry pie baked, and many cervezas helped ensure the food coma would sink us deeply into the couch for a long winter’s nap.

Not to be idle too long, the day after Thanksgiving found us on our way to Sin City for a gig at the notorious Double Down bar, celebrating 18 years being more punk than you! We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel and, much to my delight, in the entrance they had a new display featuring Shawn White, Olympic gold medalist, from his Rolling Stone magazine cover shoot lighting his snowboard on fire while wearing his American flag Kill City Jeans, courtesy of The Original Cult!

Our show rocked, the rest of the weekend was complete debauchery, and the traffic heading home on Sunday was brutal, logging 8 hours but all worth it, as we had plenty of fun stories to exchange on our way home. Finishing the year for the Cold Blue Rebels, we have this Friday in Bakersfield, next Friday Fresno, and a benefit 12/18 for the Rocketz, who totaled their van on tour, with everyone walking away …  literally! They need new wheels! Then we will take a break until our record release party at Bar Sinister on 1/11/2011, which will be a fun party complete with Lip Service giveaways!

This week we have welcomed to our endorsement family the hard working Koffin Kats, hailing form Michigan. These guys tour constantly and, after playing a few shows with them, I can say they deliver a fun show every night! Enjoy the clothes, guys, and don’t stop ’til you’re in the grave!

Well that’s all for now. Enjoy the holiday season, be thankful for what you have, and remember … a little kindness can be the best gift to someone in need, as well as yourself!

Have a happy one and please drink responsibly and remember …
Fashion+Music=life
Mickey Finn

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I’m a big fan of hunting down the very best gfts, finding just the right thing for my unusual friends (who, of course, have very, very unusual tastes). Knowing how time-consuming this can be, as well as how frustrating, I thought I’d give you guys a head-start by showing you some of the more … shall I say … unique finds I’ve come across in my web travels. Of course, some stuff I come upon is so bizarre, so ridiculous, just so plain fucking wrong I couldn’t NOT share them with you as well.

Think of it as a nice holiday prezzie of laughs from your Auntie Mich.

Lastly, there are some things I’ve found which are just so fucking cool, I must share the word they exist so others can enjoy their splendor, as well! You may not necessarily agree with some of my selections, but that’s the fun of gift-giving, isn’t it? Taste (like opinions) is like assholes … everyone has it and thinks everyone else’s stinks. Grain of salt, anyone?

Because I’m not about shilling, I’ve mostly not put links into the text. There will be some exceptions but they’re rare. But you all are resourceful, little suckers so I’m sure you’ll have little trouble finding stuff here on the inter-webs if you are so inclined.

So, here goes!

Stuff That’s Kinda Awesome

Who doesn’t need a Turbotronic Headgear with X-ray Spec Goggles? Certainly not me or virtually anyone I know. Sure, we’re all frick’n geeks … that just makes the world more fun, right? Also in the fabulously geektastic category? How about a Darth Maul Double-Bladed Lightsaber (see Coolest Shit for something EVEN BETTER)? A Laser-scoped AirZooka? Maybe a deliciously mathtastic “Money is the Root of All Evil) Tee?

Want even more brainy? I have just the thing … Great Scientists Finger Puppets! Now, you can imagine stimulating conversations between Tesla and Darwin … the interplay between Freud and da Vinci, as he probes the deeper meaning of his works … even Schrödinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog get in on the action. AWESOME

A little less cerebral? Try a candy-pooping Santa! I mean, really! Santa … pooping candy! I think anyone who doesn’t love that has HAD to have a senseofhumor-ectomy!

Think they’re the badassiest of badass? Give them their very own Action Figure … and I don’t mean a plain old action figure … I mean an ACTION FIGURE OF THEM … carved custom from your photos! Honestly, if they were just a skosh better-looking, this would be a gimme for Coolest Shit, Ever. Still, check it out, they’re pretty damned good, anyway.

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Also in this category … I must admit, I have a HUGE geektastic chub for all things word play. Here are a few of my favorites, from among the Kinda Awesome ranks. Some Spinal Tape? Yes! There are also Bacon-flavored Mmmvelopes (groovy!), Freudian Slippers (Oh YES!), and a Jesus Saves Bank (*hee hee*). but there is one which REALLY stood out as the BEST …

Do you want to give a FLYING FUCK? Because, seriously, now you can. How fucking awesome is that? Really fucking awesome, that’s how much! I mean, COME ON … it’s not only a Flying Fuck … It’s REMOTE-CONTROLLED, the freaking Mama Cass of Awesomeness!

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Picks for the Lazy Bastard

Are your friends lazy? Now, I’m not talking about a little slacky … I mean I’m talking about chronic, superbly, lazy on a massive scale. I’m talking in the range of Jabba the Hut lazy. You’ll see what I mean when you see the “interesting” treats I’ve found.

Apparently, super-taxing things like, say, stirring choloate milk, cracking eggs, turning pasta on a fork are just too much work for some people. So, now these thoughtful makers-of-crap have solved those important problems once and for all!

And, yes, some people do things like make s’mores, eat ice-cream cones, play catch with the dog, and make snowballs because … well … they’re kinda fun to do. Evidently, even these activities are too much for some people because there are devices made to do just those things. Really, they are devices made JUST to do that one thing. One would think having to find places for all these absurd unitaskers would make it a zero-sum kinda game, but, then again … if you are the sort of person who thinks it’s JUST TOO MUCH WORK TO TURN AN ICE-CREAM CONE TO LICK IT, you probably have bigger issues at play, anyway.

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WTF?!?!

While exploring the wilds of the inter-webs, one invariably comes across some really fabulous WTF. So, it stands to reason, while surfing the web for gifts, one would find some really fucked up shit. Things that make you think, “Really? Was there really a hole in the product world which needed to be filled by … what the FUCK is that?” I’m sure you’ll enjoy these as much as I. They’re really crazy and unecessary and fantastic wastes of money … so feel free to get some for all the frenemies on your list!

Have a friend who is, tragically, turning a shade too hipster (*eek*) but, sadly, doesn’t have the hirsute growing-power for that all-important ironic facial hair (*gads*)? Then, the 6-way Stache is just the thing! Not only will they have ironic facial hair, they’ll have ever-changing ironic facial hair! Y’know … that might be almost too fun and stupidly silly to be hipster …

Almost made the word-play category, but really was a bit too Ewwwww to hit the kinda-awesome bar … but I submit to you, The Wine Rack! Get it?!? Rack! A shirt that holds booze in your rack HAWHAWHAW! *sigh*

I actually found a wide array of very weird products designed for children … showing the biblical frick’n plagues of Egypt. Really … how would you have felt if YOUR parents burned one of those Hanukkah gifts on a Boils finger-puppet? Plague bowling … anyone? The best … choco-plagues! Ewww!

Speaking of Ewwwwwwwwww … how about a Vibrating Mitt Chair which has “easy to clean fabric”? An ashes urn of the deceased’s head (kinda cool, yeah, but just too fucking creeptastic, really)? An Aromatherapy Eye Pillow … does it smell of dog … yuck? A visor for your va-jay-jay? Or perhaps … the biggest Ewww … a Succu-Dry! An artificial beej-in-a-can with fangs? Just too f’n strange.

Speaking of disturbing … I’ve found a very interesting sub-group of really fucked up stuff made to service the (apparently) crazed need for all things (*gak*) Twilight. Please enjoy the gallery I like to call, “Twi-Shite”! (I’ll leave it to you and your imaginations to figure out what’s under that “covered” bit – since we like to keep up a maximum R-rated sort of ‘zine – but I’ll give you a hint from the manufacturer’s ACTUAL marketing copy, “Updated by popular request… Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.” Can I just say … Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

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There is one WTF thing which deserves a bit of special attention. Not only because it’s the epitome of fucked up and unecessary, but it’s almost (I said ALMOST) weird enough to qualify as Kinda Awesome. Ladies, Gentlemen, and Fellow Degenerates, I give you … Dress-Up Squirrel Magnets! WTF?!

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The Coolest Shit, EVER!

Okay, you’ve suffered through plenty enough other stuff … it’s time for the grooviness payoff! Here is the stuff you want to give and absolutely want to see in wrapped packies with YOUR name on them!

In the geektastic category, we have an Aliens USB drive. Not only is it shaped just like a Geiger alien, it has a working inner-freakin-mouth! Fucking COOL! We also have a megahub … 24 Ports OF EXTERNAL JOY! The best, I think, are the Mythbusters Science Kits. Yep, you read it right! Myth-fucking-Busters experiments to enjoy right there at home! SO DAMNED COOL!

Now, we have some über-geek … Do you need a full-tilt replica (working) Darth Vader Force FX Lightsaber? Of course, you do! An 1:1 freakin’ replica Inigo Montoya sword? Hell yeah! Everyone in my way, “Prepare to DIE!” Love to note the … shall I say … temporary nature of Red Shirts? Now you can wear your very own RedShirt! YEA! You can also train in the Force with your very own Force Trainer! Speaking of training … are you preparing for the impending zombie apocalypse? Do it tastier with Tactical Bacon in a Can! Seriously, delicious bacon which will keep in the can for up to 10 years to give you a smoky, yummy reason to fight and WIN! Gore geek? How about a simply awesome Pool-of-Blood Lamp. Seriously, I think I need one of those right away.

Many of you might have already checked out the fabulously disturbing art and jewelry of the fabulously disturbed Ugly Shyla. For those of you who haven’t, here are a few treats to give you an idea of the creeptastically awesome stuff she creates. Caged Dolly White Formal Art Purse … Broken Doll Face necklace … Conjoined Twins Necklace. You can see them in thre gallery … you’re welcome!

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Three things stood out to me as the very coolest of the cool … stuff you simply should not have to do without … enjoy!

Really stuck on what to get the “fringe” of the list? You know, those people who you like enough to want to do something but not really quite enough to cough up the scratch for a real present.

Want to become an instant Secret Santa legend? Give the gift everyone will bring up as the Best Secret Santa, EVER for years to come?

I have just the very thing … spend cheap but be the giver of everyone’s favorite thing this year with the Nelson Mandela Air Freshener. Seriously, it’s an air freshener with Mandela on it. Better still, it says, “Damn Nelson Mandela, you smell so good!” As an owner of this small slice of pure awesome, I can attest to the hours of fun and chuckling whenever you’re near your Mandela.

And, a little something you might not have already known. Apparently, Mandela smells like delicious fresh-baked cookies. Somehow, I just sort of knew he would …

First, in the category of delisciously fucked up … Canned Unicorn Meat. Insead of telling you about it, I’ll let the fabulously twisted mids at ThinkGeek to do the honors:
“Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don’t know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn’s outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat.”

Awesome! Somebody BETTER get me some!

But, I think I might be able to forgive them, should I get …

a Floating Arm Trebuchet!

Dude! I so need one of these … a real freakin’ trebuchet! Just for me! There are no words … honestly, none are needed. It’s a fucking honest-to-f’n-goodness trebuchet! Who DOESN’T need one of these?!? Nobody, that’s who!

So, if you don’t see me turn up to talk about sin and perversion next month, you’ll know why …

I’ll be laying seige to the fucking neighbors!