Section: Lethal Style

The summer sun was glaring down oppressively, pushing its blinding rays onto my face and neck. Despite its irritating nature, the light felt warm and invigorating against my pale skin. I was picnicking at the gate of the garden, encircled by colorful foliage, and although the surroundings were indescribably beautiful, I was still feeling a bit empty. There was one taste which could not be sated by the delights of this enclosure, and it was that of a delicious, sugary, donut. Oh, how I yearned for the smell and texture of that circular bit of dough; the vivid colors and sprinkles beckoning my senses to indulge. In fact, I believe I could just die for donuts.

see full size in gallery below

But alas, there was not a bakery for miles! I was hopelessly out of luck.

However, at that moment a very strange thing occurred. From far across the lawn a giant ant was marching towards my position. Typically, I think that giant insects would incite panic within ones heart, as they are generally hideous and repulsive creatures. Oddly though, this ant had an adorable face and appeared almost plush in the gentle curves of his abdomen. Another thing to note about ants is they are very often the culprit of stealing food at a picnic. The large ant closing in on me was again in opposition to this stereotype, as it was actually bringing things to my picnic. How delightful this creature was!

see full size in gallery below

“Thank you ant, you are very generous” I said, as it drew near. I leaned down and kissed its ovoid head. The odd courier had brought a male on its back, assumedly to attend me at my lunch. The male was dressed in a fancy vest & pants, with strange, pointy hair which was not a staple of the men from this village. I giggled at his cute and unusual fashion sense. He was clearly from a foreign land and would make a fascinating lunch partner. “Would you like to join me for tea?” I asked politely. It seemed that he would. To my utmost surprise, the stranger and his cohort had brought chic donuts, in several of my favorite flavors, to nom on for desert as well. And so, that would be our afternoon; drinking tea, speaking of beautiful things, and dining on the delectable and elusive donut.

see full size in gallery below

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: “I live in Bird Scrotum, New Mexico and the closest goth/industrial club to me is 300 miles away”, or “I don’t go out and dress up because all the clubs play Rob Zombie and cater to barely legal little douchebags. It’s like a fucking mallgoth convention. I’m not paying $10 to go to a mallgoth convention”, or “Our local night closed because, as much as people like to bitch for hours on end on the Internet that their town has nothing to offer, they don’t support the night when actually starts up”. Yeah, sadly that’s the reality for many of us, including myself. I relocated to upstate New York from the NJ/NYC area in 2005 and upon first stepping foot in an Ithaca, ahem…nightclub, I saw some SCARY shit. It was like crashing a game of Dungeons & Dragons, played at a Renn Faire by a bunch of furries. Occupying the same space as these individuals felt wrong on 10 different levels. “Is this really the same scene I’m in?” I’d often ask myself. I like industrial, so why is there NONE at a seemingly industrial club. Is it necessary to play back to back Nine Inch Nails songs? Are people REALLY requesting trance and Cradle of Filth? Yeah, we were all at a “goth” club, but I felt little to no kinship with people who thought that the Three Wolf Moon shirt was cool (and NOT IN AN IRONIC WAY) and took part in things like Live Action Roleplaying. It felt TOO MUCH like crashing a party thrown by sexless nerds, doomed to dwell in their Mother’s basement forever. A sea of 30+ year old virgins.

I make no apologies for publicly admitting that I didn’t belong there.

The “scene” was in poor shape then and it’s even worse now, so I found myself traveling A LOT, just to go to a decent club. Some of us don’t have that option.

If the belle has no ball to go to, she must create one. Remember when you were a kid and you made due with the simplest of things for the sake of entertaining yourself? Tea parties thrown for Barbies and legions of stuffed animals, climbing trees, and/or building blanket forts.

When was the last time you’ve been to a picnic? No, not the corporate kind where your immediate supervisor gets obliterated and starts unloading his marital issues in your lap. And you’re forced into way too much awkward forced interaction with your coworkers. The kind of picnic I speak of involves peeling yourself off the couch, off the social networking sites (where you’re probably busy posting about how bored you are and how you wish that there was something to do in your immediate area) and into the party clothes. No use in letting your Sunday’s best become a moth buffet if you can help it. Buckle the boots, pile on the ruffles and pin on the falls; you’re getting out of the house. Oh and, kindly inform your other half that ‘tis the time for a break from his all weekend long Left4Dead zombie slaughtering extravaganza. The living dead will still need killing when you come back, but for now they’ll have to wait.

Pack a basket with fresh fruit, decadent desserts (you can always bemoan the circumference of your waist at a later date, but for now SPLURGE) and just to keep things CLASSY, some good old cheap champagne in a brown paper bag. Head for the local park or historical cemetery. Nom, explore, take goofy pictures (for Facebook, naturally) and talk about how lame everyone at the local goth dive is. Drink in your own fabulousness while sippin’ the discount bubbly. It’ll be the fancy first date you never had. Note: Most relationships of people I’m acquainted with began by mutual consumption of well drinks and/or PBR, and were cemented by drunkenly going home together.

The technicality of not having an actual man in your life still shouldn’t stop you from dressing like you’re trying to impress one. Grab a fashionable friend (Meagan always being my #1 choice) and seize the day in style. After all there is no law which forces all ladies that lunch to dress like dull country club crones.

Or take the chance and ask an ant to bring you a mate. It obviously worked for me.

Picnic Perfect

You can always bank on 1940’s inspired styles to be quintessentially feminine and flattering. Alas, since historical accuracy is never de rigeur here at Lethal Style, I favor shirts like the Lady is a Tramp II One for My Baby Stretch Poplin Cap Sleeve Top in the red/black colorway. It captures the lady like essence of the period, while maintaining a modern, gothy feel with its PVC red and black pinstripe trim.

A formal ensemble lacking a corset is not unlike a stripper without her 8” trademark lucite heels. Or a “Virgin Daquiri”. I guess the idea is there, but something just feels off. So lace up and sit straight! I chose a red satin underbust accented with black polka dots. It makes me think of tasty gourmet pastries. The kind you take a picture of before you chow down, because hey, you just spent fucking $7 on a tiny tart. So you might as well immortalize it for posterity.

P.S. Cleavage!

But what’s this, Vanity Kills? Is that a pinstripe top paired with a polka dot corset? Isn’t pattern mixing considered to be a hallmark of poor taste? Didn’t your Mother teach you any better?

Aight, so first and foremost, my Mama didn’t raise no fool (Well, that’s not completely true, since I AM a fool for baked goods and clothing beyond my budget). Secondly, obsolete fashion rules are obsolete. If the color palette matches(in this case both the pinstripe trim on my solid black top and the color scheme of my underbust corset is red and black), then mixed patterns will work like a charm. Alas if you attempted this with a rainbow neon leopard halter top paired with a zebra corset, both busy patterns would complete for attention, resulting in the kind of catastrophe that lands peoples’ candid shots in those “What Not To Wear” sections in the back of magazines.

Also: just because hipsters do it, it doesn’t make it a good idea. Keep that in mind and you’ll always come out a winner.

Black and red skull cameo brooch is the spookier-than-thou alternative to the traditional portrait of a lady. Note: Pinning a brooch against your throat adds an instant touch of refinement to even the most basic looking, office dress code approved, Plain Jane, refrigerator white collared shirt.

Floor length black PVC Victorian bustle skirt celebrates turn-of-the century high society opulence, while eschewing the notions of prudence, modesty and various other forms of joykilling that is generally synonymous with that particular bygone era. I mean, yeah, the damn thing covers your ankles, but would surely garner disapproving looks from church-y folks who think that it’s a woman’s job to shield the male population from their own impure thoughts and other proper hemline aficionados. Indeed, the hemline might say “holy”, but the fabric says “harlot”. The perfect balance, say I.

Proud owner of a Duchess de Sade II Victorian Mourning Skirt in the black colorway? This would be a prime opportunity to parade around in it, darling. It just fits with the whole idea of lazing about in a park, sprawled out on a picnic blanket in your pseudo-Victorian fetish glory, while cute boys shove glazed rings of fried dough into your waiting mouth.

Sadly, “dressing up” means wearing your LEAST faded (and therefore “best”) Wumpscut T-shirt to a lot of the boys. And so, dear, male readers, I challenge you to do better. No, I don’t mean copying Gary Oldman’s look in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Most men I know would rather be shot in the face at close range than dress like Count von Froufrou. My boyfriend calls his dressy look “old world gentleman”. I call it “old world gentleman LITE” or “old-world-gentleman-whose-entire-outfit-can-easily be-assembled-from-various-mall-stores”. Think vests, classic short sleeved button downs made out of breathable materials and pants you can get away with wearing inside a religious institution. Personalize with one or two carefully chosen accessories such as copper and bronze steampunk inspired pocket watch or a few subtle skull* or gear pins. Don’t ruin your “good clothes” with tawdry, cheap-looking spiked collars and a million black rubber bracelets (Not that you should own those anyway, if you’re reading this)

*When I say skull, I mean something tasteful. Think anatomical Victorian, not a scowling skeletal visage bearing vampire fangs, blazing red jewelstone encrusted eyes and a jester hat. A good way to measure if a potential new trinket falls into the “tasteful” category is asking yourself if an Insane Clown Posse fan would be likely to enjoy this piece. If the answer is a resounding “No”, then you’re in the clear, my friend.

All tressed up and nowhere to go

There’s no such thing as half assing at Lethal Style! ‘Cause you can’t just pull out all the stops and not getcha hurr did.

I have written detailed descriptions of the exact method of installing hair falls here and here.

Note: Tired of covering up your roots with goggles and bandanas when rockin’ falls? (You should be)

While I remain largely indifferent to mainstream pop icons such as the notorious Lady Gaga ( most of the time) I must say that these hair bows she popularized are a fucking godsend. They’ll hide that troublesome inch or two of root growth like nobody’s business. Please DO buy one that matches your own hair color as closely as possible.

Gilty Pleasure

(I have managed to avoid obvious clichés about “going for the gold”. I figured you guys would appreciate that)

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer, Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake-free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores, and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer to neutralize the colour of your lids, which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Vanity Kills’ Quick–n-Easy Golden Gaze

Eyes

You will need:

Rounded edge brush, golden pigment, eyeliner brush, matte white eyshadow, small eyeshadow brush, liquid black eyeliner, black mascara

1. Apply a high shimmer golden pigment with a dampened rounded edge brush across your entire eyelid from lashline to slightly past your crease. Tap your brush against your lid gently -DO NOT SWIPE- as you apply the product, for greater color payoff.
2. To score ultra electrifying lower lids, moisten an eyeliner brush slightly. Dab a tiny amount of golden pigment onto your brush, tapping off any excess color. Hold down your lower eyelid. Starting at the outer corner of your eye, sweep the brush along your lower lashline working your way inward.
3. Highlight your browbone by placing a hint of matte white eyeshadow directly under your eyebrows with the help of a small eyeshadow brush.
4. Starting at the inner corner of your eye, rim both your upper and lower lashline with liquid black eyeliner. For maximum application control, try an eyeliner pen.
5. Finish off the look by applying two thin coats of volumizing black mascara to your top lashes. Follow up with one coat to your lower lashes.

Cheeks

You will need:

Matte bronzer, petal pink blush, highlighter, blush brush

1. Swipe some matte pressed bronzer onto your blush brush .Starting mid-cheek, going towards your ear, apply the bronzer into the hollows of your cheeks using short, up-and-down vertical strokes. Darker shades will give the illusion of the hollows of your cheeks receding, thus giving your cheekbones a more chiseled look.
2. Using the same technique, add petal pink blush to the apples of your cheeks, which will cause them to protrude. Use translucent powder to blend between the two colors in order to avoid obvious lines.
3. For added glow, blend a small amount of highlighter into the tops of your cheekbones.

Lips

Nearly nude lips perfectly compliment this bold eye look.

You will need:

Medium nude brown lipliner, nude pink lipstick

1. Use a medium nude brown lip to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners. Filling in your entire lip area will not only make an excellent base for color, but will also prevent fading, feathering and general migration of your lip products.
2. Follow up with nude pink lipstick. Beginning in the center of your upper lip, gently press the tube into the flesh of your lip and then proceed to roll it over the entire top lip area, working toward the edges. Repeat the process on your bottom lip.

Credits:

Photography:Eye of Ra

Model(s):Vanity Kills
Dan Barrett
Stefan the Ant

Location: Northwest Washington DC

<3

Vanity Kills

MKSEARCH, Subproject 55

Story written by: Dan Barrett. Being the subject of the photos, I thought it would be fitting if he were to write a kick ass cyberpunk story.We make a pretty good team, eh?

It was 2:07:15 PM and the trains had stopped running. I don’t know why the trains continue to run, and I don’t think anyone really knows what they carry; they simply run autonomously in sync to some archaic schedule, a testament to an industrial age forgotten. For now, the silent air was all that accompanied me, save for the distant hum of automobile engines on the motorways far above. The fact that I was being followed was obvious; however, the magnitude of their operation was still unclear. In the shadow of a colossal pillar, I made a quick side glance down into the dimly lit concrete chasm behind me, but it was seemingly empty in its droning vastness. Any movement now would be easily detectable by ultrasonic sensors, so I remained stationary for a moment to catch some semblance of breath. In two minutes and forty five seconds the underground metro line should run through this area, providing a brief veil of noise to cover my bounding footsteps.

***

This was supposed to be my last job; something to grant me enough financial stability to finally move away from this festering cesspool of urban rot. A guy by the name of Ring (weird guy, probably ex-military, and trying to live off the grid) had called me up with his usual order of running some “initial reconnaissance” on a new, ‘secret’, government startup operation. These always turned out to be a case of the CIA getting an extra multi-thousand dollar bonus grant and setting up shop in a decrepit warehouse, in one of the more obscure districts, to test a new, experimental drug cocktail on a few unsuspecting suckers in need of a few bucks; these tests consistently seemed to fail, and the space would be sold through public auction several weeks later. This time, a supposedly black ops branch of the military, purported to be conducting shadowy activity related to the HAARP program, had bought some warehouse space in the SW harbor, and I was needed to find out what and why.

Unfortunately, from the look of things, this guy Ring had managed to stumble onto something ominous. The initial exploration is simply using my custom-built & untraceable ZYKLON terminal to probe their systems and sift through their cyber trails of ones and zeros to find some purpose for the establishment’s existence. Usually there is nothing of significance to be found: unclear consent forms, mildly censored results of lab work, or bios of staff members; but this time there was something else. The initial red flag was that the data was encrypted more heavily, much more heavily than usual. The typical low-level government agency was using 512-bit encryption, but these guys were using the nearly unheard of 2056-bit. It required the use of tools I’m not fond of, but it didn’t present too much of a problem. Beyond that, the type of data was different. There were a number of files whose types I was not able to identify, nor could they be recognized by any of my software. The things I was able to snatch were heavily corrupted from the cracking process, but the output files had recognizable fragments of text such as:

## SUBJECT B723 METACOMMUNICATION STAGE 4 #### SUCCESS #### ALL MEMBERS OF TEST FUNCTIONED AS PREDICTED ###

While not profusely indicative of anything nefarious, there could be something here. When I returned my report to Ring, he requested that surveillance be taken to the next level and placed a reasonable fee on the table. I was burnt out from endless identical days of political skullduggery and needed this way out.

Sneaking into the facility was relatively easy, considering the difficulty of obtaining information on the net, but this in no way meant their surveillance was lax. While inside, I managed to swipe a classified dossier from a locked filing cabinet before deciding that exit was of utmost necessity. Immediately upon subsequent reading, I knew that I should not have taken on this job. From the sheets the report contained I was able to ascertain that this building was set up to conduct a program similar to that of the MK Ultra program in the 1960s. However, the difference was that the tests for this new mind control project were able to be conducted from an undisclosed remote location and, most terrifyingly, were successful. One hundred percent of the time. This wasn’t something they were just going to let slip out the door.

Getting to the point of transaction to exchange these documents for money was the only stock I had in this operation. Although knowing that the government had perfected the ability to bounce amorphous electromagnetic particles off other unseen particles in the sky and redirecting them into your head where they would manipulate pulses in your brain was terrifying, however my employer or someone like him would be better at exposing this, not a mid-level cyberthief. I just had to make it out and erase any connection I had to these events.

There was a warehouse a few blocks away that a friend of mine had owned years earlier. He left town to pursue other business ventures, and the building had been abandoned ever since. Ring knew about the place, and if I managed to get myself inside I could stash it somewhere for him to pick up later. If, on the off chance, the datajacks and electricity were still hot, I could tap into the mainframe with my Hosaka deck and reboot the place’s security equipment.

I had no other plan, so the warehouse would have to be viable. The rumble of the metro came fifty three seconds ahead of schedule, and with little hesitation I booked in the direction of the crumbling edifice that would provide sanctuary, keeping the dark brown folder tight under my arm. Most of the journey was encapsulated in the dusty tunnels and vacant parking lots beneath the highway, so at least detection by aerial fixtures or satellite was at a minimum. It took about twenty minutes to get the warehouse through the void of the old metropolitan corridors which extended like decomposing entrails through the grim remains of the old industrial park. A brief, undisturbed run up a slight incline took me to my destination. The building remained boarded up for its long slumber, with no identifiable point of entry from the front. I went around back where it closely bordered another similar structure, and with the additional wall in conjunction with the shadow produced by the overhanging roof, I was virtually invisible to eyes or optical lenses more than ten feet away. I imagined that the hundreds of layers of terrible cheap paint, derived from a smorgasbord of suspicious materials, would mask infrared and/or x-ray sensors. There was a narrow service entrance in the back, sealed by two Baldwin locks that were easily picked. I was inside quickly, and was greeted by a stuffy and overwhelmingly immense emptiness. The discolored float glass windows were veiled by a thick layer of dust which let in just enough light to allow me to navigate through the warehouse, but little more. There was a room upstairs that had been an office, and inside it was a hole in the left wall which could be used to store this dangerous file. I dropped it off, satisfied that my work was complete, and decided I would place a call to have the folder picked up as soon as I could confirm that I was off the radar of any possible pursuing agency. I waited for about an hour in the stale air of that place, watching the darkened clouds move across the lifeless, static-grey sky, before I dared return to the outside and face any tailing entity.

At last, I decided that enough time had elapsed, and that I could safely exit the structure with minimal detection. For a brief few seconds I celebrated in triumph, but it quickly came to a crashing halt. Not halfway down the hill I saw them; there were so many of them, in every direction. Armed guards with automatic weapons and overhead ARDDs (aerial robotic detection devices) throughout my field of vision. And in the middle of them was my employer, although his military jacket now bore a new name on the breast: Renfield. The program had either gotten to him or perhaps he had always been affiliated, but their test was a success. They had not only controlled a single subject, but they were able to use that pawn to influence and direct the actions of others. The man in the Renfield jacket clapped his hands slowly. “Very well done.” He smirked, “The dossier you stole was obviously a prop, but the information contained within it is real, but just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, and you couldn’t possibly comprehend the full breadth of our work. But maybe you will shortly.”

The shock of the taser burning into my back brought me to the ground as the world drained out of my optic nerves.

Congratulations! You picked up a dog eared copy of Neuromancer at your local used book emporium, and somehow managed to devour the whole damned thing throughout the course of your typically miserable 9-5 shift. The completion of this task required secretively retrieving the aging paperback from the confines of your back pocket in the privacy your cubicle’s walls; taking advantage of your boss’s extended lunch break for once; and indulging in unnecessarily long bathroom breaks while filling your cranium with terms like “jacked in cowboys” and “razor girls”. And long before you lay your non-surgically augmented eyes on the phrase “He never saw Molly again”, your brain will suddenly come to a halt as you find yourself saying “Holy shit, Gibson is awesome”. This revelation will most likely dawn on you with within the cold confinement of the bathroom stall, as you seemingly barricaded yourself in for hours.

Matter of factly, you kind of want in on this cyberpunk thing. I mean hell-o, who doesn’t want a fucking brain-computer interface? And isn’t running from an evil megacorporation just slightly more exciting than those TPS reports?

Alas, before you rush back to your desk and type “cyberpunk fashion” into your search engine of choice, in hopes of forking over that sweet, sweet available checking balance to a random Internet purveyor of so-called futuristic wares, allow me forcefully push my sartorial opinions down your throat as usual.

Cyberpunk ≠ raver

A look based around literature, which primarily zeroes in on the denizens of a techno-scientific society’s seedy underbelly, doesn’t quite mesh well with Care Bears t-shirts and ten thousand neon-beaded bracelets. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there is a HUGE disconnection between Molly Millions and Rainbow Brite. Pairing humongous pants, tricked out with bondage straps, studs and zippers with glow-in-the-dark goggles, doesn’t make for a logical amalgamation of “cyber” and “punk”. It just makes you look like you belong in a room full of people on MDMA who play with blinky lights as they sway oddly to DJ Tiesto.

Cyberpunk ≠ post-apocalyptic

Some folks, in their “infinite wisdom”, use the terms interchangeably. You know, because all things that portray a futuristic dystopia are clearly indistinguishable. In mainstream cinema, the aforementioned genres are best exemplified by The Matrix(first film only) and Mad Max respectively. Thus, if confusion rears its ugly head, I highly recommend that the perplexed party rents both movies and plays a little game of “Spot the differences”.

And if you still fail to differentiate between the two genres, here’s a handy little “cliché cheat sheet”.

Cyberpunk = Socially awkward hacker pilfers sensitive data from a corrupt corporation which previously employed him , thusly leading to goons being hot on his trail and ruining his good time.

Overall aesthetic: Retractable razors conveniently implanted under fingernails, utilitarian-meets-fetish, post-human perfection, technology encroaching upon all facets of life.

Post-apocalyptic = Near extinction level event rips Earth a new one, leaving hordes of factionalized grungy outlaw biker gangs in charge. They loot, rape and pillage to their hearts’ content, which naturally ruins everyone’s good time.

Overall aesthetic: Not so artfully disheveled dreads and/or mohawks, deconstructed fabric, tribal body modification. Oh, and if we’re talking Beyond Thuderdome here, throw in the accompanying stench of manure for good measure.

Okay, so, what are you saying here, Vanity Kills? Are you telling me in a not-so-roundabout way that my UV reactive ventilator mask is more suited for the daunting task of house painting than looking like “high tech low life” antihero?

Why, yes, I am. Still…have no fear, future 1337 hax0r, here’s a (relatively) quick-n-painless guide to casual cyberpunk.

For the ultimate in versatile “cyber” menswear, get your hands on an Operation: Replicant Scanning M16-315 Organic or Machine Men’s Hoodie in the black/grey colorway. The neutral color palette combined with the hoodie’s zipped front, rib knit contrast, and mechanical snap tab details make for an easy to wear piece that is laid back enough for a quick trip to the post office in the afternoon, yet plenty industrial for your nighttime clubbing activities. The knives carefully integrated into the barcode screen print are neither tacky nor ostentatious; they steal just the right amount of spotlight without playing the whole “Look at me, I’m an attention whore, my shirt says ‘Fuck You’” card.

Oh, and I guess you can wear it while spending several hours trying to hax0r your ex-girlfriend’s Facebook account. That counts as +5 cyberpunk points right there, my friend.

Remember those “humongous pants, tricked out with bondage straps, studs and zippers” that I told you not to wear earlier. I was serious. Wear cargo pants instead. Why? Well, for starters, cargo pants contain large pockets that you can easily utilize as a portable storage facility for all your cool cyberpunk gear. Like magnets, which can be used to wipe out other peoples’ hard drives. Your roommate better watch what he says or the next time he insults your Justice League underoos, or there will be hell to pay. He can just kiss all those Suicide Girls .jpgs goodbye. You don’t fuck with a cowboy and his magnet. Discreetly stashed in the pocket of his cargo pants.

Black ankle boots with polished metal accents. That is all. Notice how they’re devoid of flames, chains, spikes and other mallgoth-esque tchotchke. The tactful simplicity is precisely what makes them glorious.

Accessorize with faux eyeglasses for the highly esteemed IDM producer look. This is proven to make you appear 50% smarter and 90% more pretentious. Take extra care to pose in front of high rise glass paned office buildings, while perfecting your best “I’m so fucking bored with you” look. NEVER look directly at the camera!

Get the skinny on Dan’s hair here.

Note: I feel that most of your garden variety emo/hipster/br00tal metalc0re dude hairstyles would work rather well with this look.

Skinjob

Even the most fashion-forward male isn’t likely to be dicking around with powders and foundations when the thermometer hits the dreaded 90 degree mark. Yet he needn’t forgo coverage and the illusion of flawless skin for comfort’s sake. Boy meets tinted moisturizer: behold the most critically acclaimed summer romance of 2010.

To apply:

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth.
2. (Optional) If you’ve got a particularly pesky blemish, feel free to gently pat concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
3. Dampen a clean cosmetic wedge with a tiny bit of water. Squeeze out any excess moisture.
4. Start by dabbing small dots of tinted moisturizer onto the center of your face, the same way you would apply regular foundation, and proceed to blend outward using even, circular motions.
5. If you’re feeling frisky (a.k.a. don’t mind undertaking an extra step) you can help to set the tinted moisturizer in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.

Tip: Prevent your face from turning into an oil slick by keeping blotting sheets in one of your cargo pants’ many pockets. They’ll soak up excess grease in a pinch.

Credits

Photography:Lanya B

Model: Dan Barrett

Location: Southwest Washington DC

<3

Vanity Kills

It’s usually fun and exciting to be a princess; it’s something pseudo-magical that people (usually girls) aspire to be. You get to live in a large castle, eat fancy food, wear overly-expensive garish clothing, and generally do whatever you want. However, this all ended for me when I was 17. That was when my mother, an important queen, died and her throne was usurped. The old and terrible Madame Frontenac, who took over the monarchy, cast me, being the only living bloodline to the rightful queen, down to live in the depths of the rotting, abyssal basement.

The disused shithole had always been off-limits to me during youth, and it was readily apparent why. Firstly, the stench of the entire place was face-melting (and not in the yummy MDMA laced baked goods way, either). Secondly, the place was dimly lit and covered with dust & cobwebs. Thirdly, there simply wasn’t anything to do down here. So, not only was I bored and trapped indefinitely in this dismal catacomb, but all my fancy clothes, save for one party dress, were revoked and given to the Madame’s obese, repugnant daughter.Not like she even fit them FML.

I lost track of time nearly immediately, since there was no way to tell the fluctuation of light from the outside world. Every so often, a maid would bring me some food and, occasionally, some cleaning materials, since my title had apparently been downgraded from princess to basement janitor. “Princess Bea” was now, and seemingly forever, “Janitor Bea.” Cleaning this ill-used compound was degrading and, as time passed, I harbored a growing resentment towards the evil Madame Frontenac, wishing only to escape so I could see the look on her face while I relieved her of her head.

For months there was no hope of retribution; that is, until I discovered the ancient wooden door, hidden behind a decomposing dresser. The door led to an unlit hallway, which appeared to spiral down into the infinite black nothingness of the earth and smelled like a sewer. At first the door was of little significance, until the C.H.U.D came. The door was, in fact, the gateway to the kingdom of the cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers! The C.H.U.D were very frightening in appearance, looking like mutant humans with glowing yellow eyes. They seemed unable to talk and, instead, made strange and terrifying grunting sounds. However, despite being utterly ghastly, they did not try to harm me. Instead, it was quite the opposite. The C.H.U.D would come out of hiding and gather around me like happy forest creatures while I did my chores in the basement. Eventually, the C.H.U.D adopted me as their own Princess, and my title was upgraded from “Janitor Bea” to “Princess Bea, Queen of the CHUD”.

The C.H.U.D were also angry at the Madame, who I assumed had something to do with the creation and subsequent imprisonment of the C.H.U.D, and they were willing to help me exact my revenge; for the C.H.U.D had tired of eating rats and rancid scraps of the underground, and they desired to dine on human flesh. When the time was right, we smashed our way out of our stygian tomb and set about reclaiming the fallen palatial abode. While the hired help were paralyzed by fear of the hideous mutants, the C.H.U.D dismembered and consumed them in vile and non-PC ways. These fiends from the dungeon depths quickly overran the castle and made short work of its inhabitants, all except for the Madame and her corpulent crotch fruit, who they trapped in the throne room.

At last I was set to have my revenge. I commanded the C.H.U.D to do away with the daughter and they set their ravenous teeth to her, ripping her limb from limb until not but a bloody pulp remained. For my own satisfaction and as payment for my banishing, I tore the Madame’s head off her very shoulders with uncanny C.H.U.D-inspired strength. The pleasant howls of the sated C.H.U.D. filled the blood-soaked room. I held the severed head above me at length and declared myself the proud and mighty Bea, Queen of the C.H.U.D.

For Mine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

The Abbatoir Aristocrat

Tattered cloth juxtaposed with pearls and restrictive corsetry make for fashions worthy of a present-day princess with a taste for both the refined and the macabre. The girl who’ll rip out you digestive system, have it bronzed and use it as a tiara rack.

Constructed from sexy sheer layers of ravaged fabric, the SlasHer Girl’s Long Sleeved Shirt gives a raw edge to even the most frilly sugarcoated layer cake of a skirt. As if it were tailor made for a true queen of the underworld whose ultimate storybook happy ending is laden with severed heads.

Shred your shirts, not your dignity. A black PVC underbust corset works double duty by providing curvage and coverage simultaneously.

*Insert pearl necklace joke here*

Har har har…now that we got that out of the way…

A strategically placed accessory typically associated with all the trappings of the upper class softens up the slashed n’trashed top and lends an echo of cultivated beauty to your reign of glamour and terror. Stick to a single strand of pearls or an off-centered jeweled brooch for an air of lady-like elegance. I said ELEGANCE. Did you catch that? This means don’t pile on all the bling you stashed in your accessory drawer at once.

If you find traditional royal headwear to be too MySpace-scene-kid-tacky for your discerning tastes, pin an oversized purple leopard print lily into your lush locks instead. Look the part of a princess, not a royal mess.

A black petticoat trimmed with purple ribbons and ruffles worn in place of a skirt is truly befitting for nightclub royalty who love to flaunt their flair for the dramatic. And so, the next time you’re faced with the daunting dilemma of figuring out exactly what a girl should wear to a formal garden party, thrown in her honor by grotesquely deformed sewer dwelling creatures, go with the crinoline. Skip the overskirt. Some garments technically classified as underwear are just too pretty to remain hidden.

What’s this? Floor-sweeping skirts aren’t exactly your flavor? Try one of these short, but still decidedly sweet alternatives currently in stock on Lippy’s website right now:

Style #73-300-001 Ghoul School Voile Mini Skirt in the Black/Purple colorway.

Style #83-3-02 Victorian Mourning Side Zip Layered Mini Skirt in the Dark Purple colorway.

Glass slippers might’ve worked in Walt Disney’s adaptation of Cinderella, but you’re just not that kind of princess. Fetish meets fairytale in the form of black PVC knee-high boots laced with alternating black and purple satin ribbon. Guaranteed to stay put on your feet before, during, and after the ball.

Bone printed stockings showcase the pride you hold in your majestic and dignified man-devouring C.H.U.D heritage. For the C.H.U.D are a proud and noble race.

The updo is DEAD! Long live anything but…

Unless you favor the PedoBear-approved kiddie beauty pageant contestant look, I’d say that it’s time to give those overly crispy curls shellacked on top of your head a rest. In the kingdom of Lethal Style, loose waves hold court. The creation of which I’ve previously discussed in further detail here.

Alternatively, you can try this no fuss quick n’ painless straightener method:

Or pay some nice people in Hong Kong to send you a wig :)

Royal Blush

De-prissify dainty pinks and pastel purples once and for all with a punch of charcoal. Y’know, in case you were secretly worried about looking like an Easter Egg.

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer, Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake-free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores, and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer to neutralize the colour of your lids, which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Eyes

You will need:

Eyeshadow Primer, Eyeliner that matches your hair color if you draw your eyebrows in, Makeup sealer (optional), Black eyeliner, Violet pigment, Charcoal pigment, Light pink eyshadow, Frosty off white eyeshadow, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Blending brush, Fluffy eyeshadow brush, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara

1. Prep your brows by filling them in with a pencil and softening the lines with a small brush or drawing them in if you don’t have them. Eyebrowless ladies like myself should make sure to use a pencil that matches their hair color. After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
2. Apply clear adhesive tape starting at the outer corner of your eye and extend to the end of your eyebrow. Press down gently with your finger to smooth it out. This little trick gives your eyeshadow an extremely pronounced hard edge, which creates a clean and defined shape.
3. Take an eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge and wet it a little. Dip your dampened brush into the violet pigment and gently tap — DO NOT SWIPE — the pigment across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease. Don’t worry if you get excess pigment on the tape. Once you’re done with your eye makeup and peel the sticky stuff off, I assure you that any messes you might have made will magically disappear.
4. Using a blending brush, add some charcoal pigment to the outer crease of your eye and bring it down to your lashline on the outer corner of your eyelid. This is also known as the “outer V”. Blend into the violet pigment from Step #3. If you shave and draw your brows on, you can extend the pigment past your crease and onto the lower part of your browbone, since you obviously have more room to work with. Once again, ignore any fallout that might have ended up on the area you previously taped off.
5. Starting at the inner corner of your eye, using a small fluffy eyeshadow brush tap some light pink eyeshadow outward toward the “V” of charcoal you applied in Step 4. Blend into the violet pigment you added in Step #3. Eyebrowless girls and boys have the option to extend the pigment past the crease and onto the lower part of their browbone the same way they did in Step 4.
   At this point, the outer part of your crease (and parts of your browbone if you’re brow-less) should be lovely shade of charcoal, while the inner part should be a light pink. Blend both shades into each other at their meeting point, which should lie somewhere at the halfway point in the crease of your eye.
6. Clean the fluffy eyeshadow brush you used in the previous step. Sweep some frosty off white shadow directly under your eyebrows (doesn’t matter if they’re drawn on or natural). Blend the frosty off white eyeshadow into the two colors that you’ve blended into your crease in Step 5, the charcoal and the light pink.
7. Line your bottom lid starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with your favorite brand of black kohl eyeliner. Most of the color should be concentrated in the outer corner. I find that it’s easiest to put on eyeliner after eyeshadow and before mascara. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.
   Now would be a good time to remove the tape and admire your eyeshadow blending skills!

Cheeks

You will need:

Blush brush, Rose pink blush, Bronzer, Highlighter

1. Swipe some pressed bronzer onto your blush brush.
2. Starting mid-cheek, going towards your ear, apply the bronzer into the hollows of your cheeks using short, up-and-down vertical strokes. Darker shades will give the illusion of the hollows of your cheeks receding.
3. Now, using the same technique, add a rose pink blush to the apples of your cheeks, which will cause them to protrude. Use translucent powder to blend between the two colors in order to avoid obvious lines. This ain’t Ru Paul’s Drag Race, where such things might be more acceptable.
4. For added glow, blend a small amount of highlighter powder into the tops of your cheekbones. This will enhance the definition of your bone structure.

Lips

You will need:

Rose pink liner, frosted fuchsia lipstick

1. Use a rose pink lip liner to fill in your lips, starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners. Filling in your entire lip area will not only make an excellent base for color, but it will also prevent the bleeding and feathering of your lipstick.
2. For some delicious lips reminiscent of sugary baked goods, grab your frosted fuchsia lipstick and beginning in the center of your upper lip, gently press the tube into the flesh of your lip and then proceed to roll it over the entire top lip area, working toward the edges. Repeat the process on your bottom lip. Being spotted with lipstick on your teeth is considered a major beauty blunder! Prevent potential slippage by placing a finger in your mouth, closing your lips around it and then removing said finger. This will remove any excess lip junk.

Photography:Alas Vera

Model- “Princess Bea: Queen of the C.H.U.D”: Vanity Kills

Location: The terrifying basement of my old apartment in Buffalo, NY

<3

Vanity Kills

The story of Easter

By: Dan Barrett (because he has to do something with that writing degree he acquired in college. Also “poetry” is in no shape or form a forté of Vanity Kills)

One day the Easter bunny came to earth
to bequeath upon us delicious chocolate
cast into fun and cute shapes
and also EBM.

Then he set about his work
to give every angry rivethead a basket of eggs
but not the new APOP album
(because it’s emo)

Some say Easter has something to do with resurrection
like the second coming of Skinny Puppy
Because everyone knows that Cevin Key
writes a better synth-line than Jesus.

It is a time to look up to the Rose-Coloured Skies
and Praise the Fallen
to put aside our Inhumane Amusement
and listen to that Wumpscut song Rise Again.

Anyway, the Easter rabbit gave out candy and tickets to Kinetik
to all the cybergrrls/cyberbois
because they love neon colors
and high sugar foods.

The number of eggs per basket
was directly proportionate
to the number of things that are not hair
in their falls.

April got a basket of green eggs
which matched her skirt
which came from Lip Service
Oh look kids, a plug!

Sadly, her Beloved puppy,
who happened to be wearing bunny ears for some reason,
appeared from the depths of the mist
and descended upon the treats faster than Rudy R.

So, with the spoils of the holiday lost,
she crushed an egg-shaped effigy
to curse the Eevil Young Flesh
and yelled out to the bunny that she was still talking but he wasn’t listening.

Also swords

Ahhhh…Easter. A blessed day devoted to the celebration of that which is most important in life, namely chocolate and zombies. It also heralds the imminent arrival of sweltering summer months. As the ye olde nuclear furnace in the sky causes temperatures to spike, many Lippy Addicts of the goth/industrial persuasion find themselves reliving the melting flesh scene from Robocop on a daily basis. Our friend, the mighty sun, greatly limits our wardrobe options and forces many of us to forsake being fashionable in the name of keeping our cool.

I’ve read several articles which tackled the issue of beating the heat without trading in your I’m-only-wearing-black-until-they-find-something-darker ensembles for khaki shorts, pastel tank tops and those god-fucking-awful monstrosities-in-shoe form called “flip flops”. While breezy linen skirts with black lace accents and dark colored camisoles embellished with standard gothy fare, such as the ever popular skull motif, were suggested as sensible alternatives, that still didn’t really solve the issue that plagues the inquiring minds of the style conscious spooky socialites amongst us, “Just what the fuck do I wear to the club when it’s still like 90 degrees at night?”

Well, since you asked….

While I dare NOT come between a goth girl and her arsenal of tight n’shiny fetish wear, I feel like it is my duty as a fashion blogger and fellow club goer to advise you to rock your infamous “historically accurate” Marie Antoinette gown reproduced entirely in pastel PVC in more moderate weather. Mostly due to the fact that I don’t want to smell your festering BO all the way across the bar. With that said, YES YOU CAN, wear vinyl when Mercury rises. You just have to “Use Your Brain And Think About It” (Thanks for letting me rip that phrase directly off my T-shirt, Feindflug).

Without further ado, here’s how to look hot without dissolving into a big sticky puddle of grossness:

Haute Heat

The key to making perspiration producing synthetic fibers such as vinyl, rubber, and latex work in the scorching summer season is to simply wear less of them. In other words, send those sexy but impractical dresses and catsuits on a much needed vacation until October. It should go without saying that sticking to separates will not only prevent you from lookin’ a hot boiled mess, but feelin’ like one too. Opt for a top or bottom of the PVC persuasion, but avoid wearing them AT THE SAME TIME. For maximum ventilation, try a simple black vinyl zipper-front sleeveless crop top, like April’s. Oh yeah, and don’t skimp on the antiperspirant.

Create a texture contrast by pairing your second skin-esque top with a more utilitarian-chic stretch twill olive cargo skirt such as this Lip Service Hot Topic style 29 79 (ht cut 14560) mini.

Covering your hands after Memorial Day might seem like a counterproductive feat at first, but trust me you’ll be glad you shielded your mitts after being forced to shake hands with a rather damp and odiferous friend-of-a-friend you’ve just been introduced to. The one that danced to the DJ’s back-to-back- set of old school EBM for the past 45 minutes. Then you’ll catch yourself thinking “Wow…that Vanity Kills was right. Short gloves in the summer really aren’t a bad idea”.

Petrified by the thought of having your feet encased by buckles and PVC for hours on end as you punch and kick your way across a sweaty crowded dancefloor? Then get out of the scene!

Two things:

1. Gladiator sandals or other “breathable” footwear commonly associated with the season will never be seen as a suitable substitute for boots here at Lethal Style. You’ll sooner see me touting the Olsen Twins as style icons.
2. To minimize chafing and discomfort, which can occur when moist skin comes in contact with material such as vinyl, apply talcum powder onto any exposed bits of your calf or thigh that touch the inside surface of your boot.

I have written detailed descriptions of the exact method of installing hair falls here and here.

Soylent Greens

If you’ve only limited yourself to sporting this hue to your annual St. Patrick’s Day pub crawl and the all Boy George 80s throwback night, then you my dear friend, haven’t been living at all. Spring into the green in 2010 (No, not in the granola-crunching Earth Mama sort of way either).

General Prep Work

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.

Eyes

1. Dab some brown eyeshadow onto a small angled brush. Tap off the excess. Starting at the widest part of the brow, near the nose, and using short strokes, apply brown eyeshadow directly to the natural hair of the eyebrow. Repeat on the other side. Make sure to use a shade that matches your hair color (in April’s case brown was used since she is a blonde). After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer.
2. Lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments, and liners.
3. Take an eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge and wet it a little. Dip your dampened brush into yellowish-green pigment and gently tap, DO NOT SWIPE, the pigment across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
4. With the help of a blending brush, deepen the crease of your eye with dark green shadow.
5. Using a smaller eyeshadow brush apply a layer of vivid green eyeshadow over the color you added in Step 3 to add dimension to the look.
6. Grab your blending brush again and blend the same vivid green eyeshadow you added in Step 5 into the dark green that you added to your crease in Step 4 to avoid harsh lines. Make sure to blend up and outwards.
7. Highlight your browbone with shimmery white eyeshadow applied with a small eyeshadow brush.
8. Line your bottom lid starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with your favorite brand of black kohl eyeliner. Most of the color should be concentrated in the outer corner.
9. Last but not least, add extra depth and drama to your gaze with a pair of false eyelashes. To apply, add adhesive to the back of the eyelash strip. Grab a false eyelash with a pair of tweezers and adhere to the outermost part of your eyelids, keeping them as close to your own lashline as possible. You know that they’re in the right place when they’re sitting right on top of your natural lashes. Gently hold them down in place with your finger for about 30 seconds or so until the glue dries.

Cheeks

1. Swipe some mauve blush onto your blush brush.
2. Apply the mauve blush to the apples of your cheeks.
3. For added glow, blend a small amount of highlighter powder into the tops of your cheekbones. This will enhance the definition of your bone structure.

Lips

1. For a sheer wash of pretty spring time pastel color, use a mauve lip liner to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners.
2. Finish off with a coat of clear lipgloss.

Credits

Model, Photography and Styling: April Mayi

<3
Vanity Kills

see full size in gallery below

I think it was about 3 years ago when I first met Mrs. Hendrickson. I was an amateur collector of all things Tiki, and new to town. I had heard through a colleague that she threw the absolute best Tiki-themed parties this side of Rapa Nui, so of course I could not turn down an opportunity to indulge in pseudo-Polynesian fare. It wasn’t long after I had moved that I was invited to one of her infamous shindigs. Her lounge was everything that I expected it to be: a densely packed space, filled to the brim with exotic foliage, strange & questionably legitimate artifacts, and all forms of carven Pacific rim deities big and small. In fact, the cluster of things was so heavy that no trace of the outside world had a chance of seeping in and ruining the experience. And what an experience it was. These wildly popular bashes were always crowded with new and returning faces, and there was no shortage of excellent rum-based drinks nor hedonistic activities to partake in. It was always a great place to go to escape the terrible events of the week and lose yourself in a strikingly realistic world of wooden gods, potted palms, hula dancing and of course the trademark of a Hendrickson party: the shrunken head drinking glasses.

Of course there were always rumors about the place, most likely spoken by those who weren’t adventurous enough to actually attend one of these alcohol-soaked affairs, and instead preferred to shit on other people’s good times from afar. The word on the street and resting on the lips of party-goers, though never spoken outright, was that Mrs. Hendrickson’s shrunken heads were just a little TOO realistic. She would never tell anyone where she purchased these curious vessels, or how she came to acquire such a collection, and instead insisted that their origin was mundane and the knowledge of it would ruin the mystique.

see full size in gallery below

At first I, like the other guests, simply brushed off these rumors as silly urban legends invented by petty kill-joys who were jealous of Mrs. Hendrickson’s success. However, after attending these suburban island getaways for several years I started to notice things that were in fact a bit strange. Mrs. Hendrickson would introduce a new shrunken head on the last weekend of every month, and I swore some of them resembled attendees of days past, for example: someone who’s hair you vaguely remember staring at on the way to get another Mai Tai. But perhaps this was in some sort of odd tribute to an honored guest who moved away. There were other things too; I couldn’t help but think that the gaunt, leathery features on these heads were a bit TOO lifelike. In retrospect, they were a bit scary until you got a few drinks in your system (luckily which didn’t take very long at all). And if you had the honor of using the newest addition to the collection you would notice that it was oddly warm to the touch. For all of these things I found some sort of rationalization to ignore them, and of course a slice of bright fruit mixed with rum was always helpful in keeping my mind on more hedonistic matters.

see full size in gallery below

However, after several years of enjoying the local interpretations of crab rangoon and pig roast, I came to know that the rumors of the shrunken heads was all too true. It was late in the year, one of the autumn months. I had been exploring the local dive bar scene while waiting for the next luau to commence and on several occasions had met a rather annoying young woman who attempted to wow me with stories of tribal life in Tahiti that were so full of gaping mistakes and inconstancies that she may as well have read me an amateur Hollywood script. The point is not that she grated on my nerves, but the fact that I knew her rather well and could recognize her juvenile countenance in any setting. Needless to say, when that fateful Tiki party I was rather pleased to get back to drunkenly arguing about the construction and transportation of the ancient Moai over Mrs. Hendrickson’s signature cocktail “Cannibal Concubine”. Since it also happened to be the end of the month, a new shrunken head was due to be announced. I had grown a bit weary of this tradition after bearing witness to it for so long, so I choose to talk with some friends rather than gaze upon yet another withered trophy. I thought nothing of this new cephalic chalice until it came into my field of vision later than night. Normally I would hardly have paid it any mind, but when I saw this ghastly abomination I couldn’t help but scream in fright. For the new head bore the exact visage of the girl from the bar!

Needless to say, that was my last encounter with Mrs. Hendrickson and her grandiose gatherings. I left town not too long after and never looked back. Sometimes I wonder about those parties though, as I am sure they continue in my absence. Despite everything, a part of me hopes that Mrs. Hendrickson is still there, throwing lavish soirees and pouring one of her trademark mixed drinks for a cute young girl with a memorable face.

Her most famous drink: “Cannibal Concubine”

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 oz white rum
• 1 1/2 oz dark rum
• 1 oz pineapple juice
• 1 oz orange juice
• 1/2 oz fresh blood
• grated foreskin
• severed finger or eyeball wedge

When the word “luau” springs to mind, what sort of wardrobe options does your mind conjure up? Grass skirts and coconut shell bras? Bikini bottoms and flip flops? Or perhaps the ubiquitous Hawaiian shirt with an updated feminine cut? While that’s mighty fine for a pig roast on the beaches of Oahu, dressing the part of this hula homemaker with a vicious streak calls for a sexy spaghetti strapped frock that will leave her party guests drunk with desire. Accessorize it with care and the boys will simply lose their heads!

Scratch the seven seas itch with a mainland-friendly cocktail dress suitable for suburban hausfraus struck by island madness .Think sinister hostess with the mostest in this elegantly simple Lip Service 92-186-HT cut 17643 style made for Hot Topic.

A must for the modern day June CLEAVER, whose love for decapitation and head shrinking is matched only with her love of baking that perfect pie. ( I love when the jokes write themselves)

A black, wide elastic waist belt nips and defines your midsection (Note: When wearing a dress without a well-defined bodice such a belt aids in creating an extremely figure enhancing babydoll shape)

Forget those ridiculously overpriced cocktail rings. Try pairing wooden Virgin Mary and Memento Mori bracelets as a darkly kitsch and, quite frankly, cheaper alternative. Because every fashionable domestic goddess sure does love a bargain!

Nude Cuban heeled black back seamed pantyhose! Legs just don’t get anymore pinup perfect than that!

The lady of the house can’t be gallivanting about in some of those 7” inch stilettos that nudie dancers wear when she’s running around with a hors d’oeuvres serving tray in one hand, and a scorpion bowl in the other. But a pair of these adorable black patent 3” pumps will do just fine!

Head Huntress Hair

Straight, sleek and voluminous. Not a strand out of place.
Hotter than the fires of Pele lighting a volacano bowl. Cooler than a “Singapore Sling” on a blistering July afternoon. Deadlier than a “Scorpion’s Sting” chased by a “Zombie”.

• Coat hair with a layer of heat-protective spray.
• Grab a flat iron and clamp it down on your hair as close to the roots as possible.
• Pull flat iron through hair slowly and away from the head.
• Part hair at crown and proceed to pull up and away from the face.
• Place Bump-It under part.
• Arrange hair in such a way that it covers the Bump-It and pin it back into place.
• Place two black hair flowers in hair where the Bump-It begins.
• Use smoothing cream to keep the remaining hair, (which is not “Bump”-ed up) fly away free.
• Apply a liberal amount of hairspray to keep hair in place.

Orchids of Hawaii

Bring out your inner “Tease of the Seven Seas” and channel the beauties of Leeteg’s black velvet paintings with an eye and lip palette inspired by the perfect pinks and lush purples of a Polynesian paradise.

Skin

1. Meagan applied a tinted moisturizer all over her face using a cosmetic sponge to enhance her natural skin tone. This is a great alternative to wearing heavy foundations in the sweltering summer months!
2. Using a powder brush, she added a dusting of translucent powder to set the tinted moisturizer in place and nix any potential shininess.

Eyes

1. Dab some brown eyeshadow onto a small angled brush. Tap off the excess. Starting at the widest part of the brow, near the nose, and using short strokes, apply brown eyeshadow directly to the natural hair of the eyebrow. Repeat on the other side. Make sure to use a shade that matches your hair color (in Meagan’s case brown was used since she is a blonde). After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer.
2. Lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
3. Using a fluffy brush apply purple eyeshadow across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
4. Hold down your lower eyelid. Using a small eyeliner brush, dot plum (or any shade of purple that is darker than what you used in Step 3 ) shadow directly underneath the eyelash line of your lower lid, beginning at the outer portion of the eye.
5. With the help of a blending brush, add the same plum shade you added in Step 4 to the crease of your eye.
6. Highlight your browbone with soft shimmery beige eyeshadow applied with a blending brush.
7. For extra pronounced lashes top off with 3 coats of black mascara.

Cheeks

1. Swipe some peach blush onto a medium sized blush brush.
2. Apply the peach blush onto cheekbones and blend into temples.

Lips

1. Meagan applied a cotton candy hued pink lipstick straight from the tube all over her lips and then blended the edges with a lip liner brush.
2. She finished off the look with a coat of sheer pinky gloss she added on top of the lipstick.

Credits

Model and Photography:Meagan Kyla

Location: Buffalo, NY

<3

Vanity Kills

see full size in gallery below

The style industry is a brutal one indeed. There are so many things which must be made pristine: the eyes shadowed, the chin brushed, the cheekbones accentuated, the hair angled, the nails trimmed & painted; so many things to keep track of and so many things that could go wrong. So many things…
It is inevitable that sculpting perfection day-in and day-out would take a toll on the artisan; especially when they themselves are falling, unavoidably, into the withering grasp of age.

Kyla Breen was well known for her pursuit of absolute perfection when it came to styling for her clients. It was an amazing rush at first, watching as she turned the young women from fairly-good-looking-to-a normal-guy-on-the-street into radiant, statuesque beings which embodied the virtues of the human form. Of course, she was young and beautiful herself; no different really from the results she created on a daily basis. But time and age are cruel masters, and they creep up on the best of us. Kyla’s clients never seemed to age; it would be the same girl for a year or two until she was replaced by another of the same stature and facial structure, perhaps with some subtle difference – maybe this one had shorter hair and higher cheekbones than the last – but the flow of time was lost within Kyla’s studio. Always entering young, always leaving beautiful. Time, however, continued to flow for Kyla, and the realization that she was not immune to its destructive nature simmered in the back of her mind, growing stronger and more vivid with each passing year. In the past, their faces would blur together; glowing, flawless, smiling countenances which were ever approving of her. But recently she knew they saw her differently. The faces could see her getting older, dated. Under veiled mutters they called her washed-up, irrelevant, replaceable. She simply could not allow this to happen.

see full size in gallery below

The first kill was easy. Her company was putting her and a potential client up in a hotel overnight before a big premier. Kyla was a lexicon of nearly every cream, powder and/or tonic known to man, and human blood, she determined, was the most effective anti-beauty treatment. She had never felt so invigorated, nor had her skin felt so smooth from any other moisturizer. Fuck these dime-a-dozen pop models and actresses; the secret was hers. She had later dumped the corpse down the garbage chute and told the company that the girl was too fat to fit their needs. They unflinchingly agreed, and it was not long before another girl made an appearance in Kyla’s studio.

The initial taste of blood opened the sealed gateway to the promise of unending beauty, and once unlocked, it could not be closed…not that she would have wanted to close it anyway. She had eventually relocated to a moderate sized room in a hotel downtown; the epicenter of commerce. The place had been recently renovated, but still contained the subtle musk of dilapidation. The basement was the worst; the exposed piping and cracked walls remnants of harsher times. In the beginning, most of the killing took place there; she thought the space fitting for the vile act of ending a life, however she quickly realized that this was unnecessarily increasing her workload. Once she discovered the magic of poisoned eyeliner she was able to move the haute-homicide into her personal studio. It only took a few seconds of direct application (which couldn’t be more commonplace) to put the client into a paralyzed state from which she could gut them to her heart’s desire. Often, she would use the girl’s blood mere hours later for an evening cleansing ritual, but sometimes life got in the way and she would have to bag it (she bought a series of cute bags with red crosses from Neiman Marcus) and store it in the refrigerator until appropriate time could be made for the bath.

see full size in gallery below

Eventually, she had lost count of the number of girls who “didn’t fit the requirements” of the company’s latest project. The company’s business was ever-increasing, and there was no drought of women in need of styling. After long days of painstaking artistry (also killing), Kyla spent most of her nights in the bath, sipping pinot noir and marveling at her flawless skin tone. Her clients were consistently amazed at how young and energetic she appeared, despite having worked for the company for what seemed like ages, and the company kept giving her promotions, citing her strong work ethic and unwavering professionalism when it came to quality control.

Recently, the company has decided to open a new European branch and they are looking to fill a position for experienced stylist who has no qualms about sorting the wheat from the chaff…

Laced with Madness

For an updated take on Elizabeth Bathory’s Sunday Best, forget the aged, dusty costume shop gown and join the Thrill Frill Cult. Today’s Blood Countess forsakes Renaissance frippery and trades in bling-ed out shoulder rolls and five pounds of petticoats for delicate floral patterned jackets, touchable velveteen minis, and cascading ruffles. Lace leaves the boudoir and takes the streets by storm. You too can work some sheer magic without feeling like:

• Your own grandmother.
• Stripper working the day shift at the titty bar by the airport (“Stripper chic” is fine by me, alas not everyone loves sleaze as much as I do)
• Something found in the drapery section of Bed, Bath and Beyond.

A long sleeved stretch black lace shirt manages to simultaneously conceal and reveal. Shows enough skin without turning you into a tacky tramp (which once again is okay by Vanity Kills…but I realize that not everyone shares my sense of aesthetics…blah blah blah). A girl needs to keep some degree of mystique. As any burlesque queen worth her sequined pasties will tell you: always leave them wanting more.

Note: Unless you’re willing to put up with dudes in Ed Hardy shirts attempting to rent you out for the hour, please wear a bra. A black one being the best and obvious choice.

For a full-on vintage vixen vibe, pair with an open Vaudeville Vamps #25-94 Long Sleeved Jacket in the ivory/black colorway. This tasty little cover up prevents you from being mistaken for a sex worker, while still managing to lead the boys unto temptation.

Deck your neck out with a black lace ruff for extra oomph. Attention statement necklace: You’re officially fired!

Note: Even if you loved Prince in Purple Rain, I wouldn’t advise taking too many style cues from a man famous for his assless chaps. When rockin’ the ruff, make sure to keep that jacket open. Otherwise, you run the risk of your friends breaking into a chorus of “When Doves Cry” as you walk by.

Topping off your locks with a vintage cage veil velvet hat embellished with flowers and feathers is almost as decadent as bathing in the blood of models to retain your youth. Almost…

Brassy, bejeweled wrist candy adds elegance to any outfit.

A high-waisted tulip skirt such as the Transvision Velveteen #82-157 Speculative Mini Skirt in the black colorway is a flattering option for both your belly and legs. The fabric gently drapes over your mid-section, narrowing at the hemline which successfully camouflages trouble spots and creates curves in the right places.

+ 10 to fashion snob: Spending countless hours of my time doing research and collecting empirical data (errrr reading fashion blogs) lead me to believe that just about every haute couture guru showcased velvet in their Fall 2010 collection. So track this baby down and bring some of the catwalk into your closet for a mere fraction of the price.

Note: Nobody likes a Sloppy Sally, so tuck that black shirt into your mini.

Avoid looking like a doily by balancing out the lace heavy top with a pair of sheer black pantyhose. Contrary to that Mae West quote you might have read somewhere on a sassy T-shirt, too much of a good thing isn’t necessarily wonderful at all times.

Step into timeless style in a perennially classy pair of black oxford heels.

Countess Curls

What sort of do would a murderously egotistical degenerate sport to Fashion Week? A perfectly accessorized loose, curly bun, of course.

1. Dampen your hair.
2. Spray damp hair with setting lotion.
3. Separate into 1- 1 1/2 “ sections.
4. Curl with a medium barrel curling iron
5. Finger brush the curls (smoothing with fingers helps to battle the wonky curls!)
6. Pull the curls back into a ponytail.
7. Form a loose bun.
8. Secure with hair pins.
9. Hat up!
10. If you wear bangs brush them off to the side to off set the placement of the hat.

Making “Bloodthirsty Depraved Bitch” Look Good!

“Her lips so sweet
Every word cuts like knives
I feel the wounds as if self-inflicted
Broken porcelain beauty
I still long to touch
I prick my finger to paint her lips” -Die Sektor “When Porcelain Bleeds”

Skin with a porcelain finish and vermillion E. Bathory herself would (and did!) kill for are the focal point of this look!

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer ,Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
2. Before proceeding any further allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.

Eyes:

You will need:

Eyeshadow Primer, Brown eyeshadow(for the brows),Small angled brush, Makeup sealer(optional), Light purple eyeshadow with a slight bronze sheen, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Neutral nude eyeshadow, Blending brush, Black liquid eyeliner, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara.

1. Dab some brown eyeshadow onto a small angled brush. Tap off the excess. Starting at the widest part of the brow, near the nose, and using short strokes, apply brown eyeshadow directly to the natural hair of the eyebrow. Repeat on the other side. Make sure to use a shade that matches your hair color (in Kyla’s case brown was used since she is a blonde). After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
2. Using a brush with a round/tapered edge apply a light purple eyeshadow with just a slight hint of a bronze sheen across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
3. With the help of a blending brush add neutral nude eyeshadow to the browbone area directly under your eyebrows. Blend the neutral nude shadow into the gold shadow that you applied in Step 2.
4. Starting at the inner corner of your eye, rim your upper lashline with liquid black eyeliner. Extend the line upward as you approach the outer corner of eye. This produces the much sought after winged “cat eye” effect.
5. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.

Cheeks:

You will need:

Blush brush, Peach blush

1. Swipe some peach blush onto your blush brush.
2. Apply the peach blush to the apples of your cheeks for a healthy, natural I-just-bathed-in-virgin-blood glow.

Lips:

You will need:

Matte liquid foundation (optional), Neutral flesh toned lipliner, Mid-tone berry pink lipstick, Small tapered lip brush, Red lip gloss

1. For all night budge proof lip color, prime your pout with a small amount of foundation. Filling in your entire lip area with a neutral flesh toned lip liner minimizes fading, blurring and feathering of lip color as well. To do so, start at the center of your natural lip line move toward the outer corners of your lips.
2. With a small tapered lip brush, apply a mid-toned berry pink lipstick to the center of your lip and then proceed to distribute it over the entire lip area.
3. Finish off with a coat of red lipgloss.

Credits:

Photography: Umbriel Finite Images

(with editing by Mich Fisher – Plastic Hassle)

Model: Meagan Kyla

Location: Buffalo, NY

<3

Vanity Kills

see full size in gallery below

At last the departure guide updated and cheers of joy permeated the air. The luminescent phrase behind this commotion was “Original Cult Airways: 9:30am Gate H”. This one-of-a-kind, ultra-exclusive flight was a one way trip for East Coast Lippy Addicts to venture right to the heart of their true love (a.k.a. some unmarked warehouse in Los Angeles). But the true pay off of this trip was the gold which lay buried in that warehouse; for there was precious cargo carried on board of this particular airplane — prototypes of Lip Service’s most sought after upcoming “Holy Grail” lines such as Step In Time II, Das Bunker, and Brocade Piracy. This was going to be the only public display of these items until the official street release in Fall 2010.

The plane itself was nearly worth the cost of the trip; one view of the interior and a patron may believe they had died and been resurrected in Shamballah. For non Buddhists, they would instead feel like they have traveled back in time to what should be named “The Golden Age of Flying” – you know, back when taking a trip on an airplane was still something of a mystical feat, steeped in glamour and intrigue. The stewardesses were, of course, only the most fashionable of Lip Service models, and it seemed they had all recently gotten their BA in customer service. The ladies whose job was to remind you to fasten those seatbelts and put those trays in the upright position wouldn’t be caught dead in shapeless lima bean green pantsuits and blaher-than-blah brown jackets. You’d think the aisles in this flying machine were the runways of the sky. Sleek head-to-toe black paired with hats inspired by the hides of only the most exotic beasts were the standard here. Nearly all luxuries that could be brought aboard an airplane were at hand, and it was guaranteed to be a trip to remember.

Unfortunately, due to lax airport security, trouble was afoot. Due to bizarre and unforeseen circumstances, the fairly proficient magician known as The Great Ramon was scheduled to be aboard this flight in order to make a last-minute show in a nearby suburb of LA, performing at a small child’s 7th birthday party. Sadly, The Great Ramon would be unable to showcase his prized Grizzly Bear “Grizmo” at the aforementioned affair, for he was busy being tied up in the women’s bathroom at JFK airport. Even more unfortunate is the fact that he was not tied with women, but instead by their pantyhose. The culprit was none other than the infamous criminal mastermind Ramon “el Jamon” Perez, who had sneaked stealthily by the snooping security and boarded the plane under the guise of being Great.

Ramon, having his fingers firmly to the pulse of the crime world, knew that he must obtain these mystical prototypes in order to clothe his many voracious wives, ever hungry for the latest unattainable fashion. Through the grapevipe of misdeed he was able to hear of the last minute addition of the magician to the flight’s patronage, and was able to get one of his inside men to add a large dose of PCP to the bear’s tranquilizer. Once the flight begins, the bear should awaken in an angry stupor and disrupt the plane enough so that he may sneak down to the cargo hatch and parachute out of the hold with the stolen goods. Unfortunately for him, he was not counting on the cunning of the venerable stewardess Meagan.

***

The flight was proceeding as planned; lots of booze and memory-foam pillows were being doled out to the passengers. The skies were clear and giggles of anticipation filled the air. Ramon curled his 20s-ringmaster styled mustache and awaited the inevitable. No sooner had he begun twirling, there was an audible crash from the storage below. His grinned wildly as the upcoming scenario unfolded in his head. There was another, louder smashing sound as the hatch leading from the storage space to the fuselage tore open . The deranged bear, hungry for blood and meat, slashed through the main door into first class, all the while bellowing a terrible cacophony. Ramon clapped quietly as he heard the screams and thudding footsteps of those trying to outrun ol ‘Griz. He quickly rose from his seat and made his way toward the cockpit. He moved with unexpected swiftness through throngs of passengers curled in the fetal position and the disarray of ravaged carry-on luggage. Without significant ado, he entered the cockpit. Despite the obvious panic, he was still questioned by the pilot as to ‘what the hell” he was doing there. He began to fabricate a tale of a suitcase containing a tranquilizer to subdue the raging animal, but just as he was completing his thought, a gust of wind knocked askew his ringmaster mustache and his real 70s-porn star ’stache was revealed!

The pilot gasped in awe…”wait a minute, you’re not the Great Ramon at all! You’re… El Jamon!” Sensing that the pilot had caught wise to his devious ploy, he attempted to re-create a move he had seen Jackie Chan perform in Drunken Master and kick the pilot in the head. He was slightly distracted because moments before, the sound of angry passengers had vanished, resulted in a mis-timed kick that went straight into the control board instead. He clutched his foot in agony and cursed the designer of such sharp altitude gauges. In his confusion, the ever-vigilant flight attendant Meagan had appeared from the writhing mass of chaos that was first class, and employed a move that will forever be known as the “Don’t Tase Me Bro”. Using her quasi-legal combination mace/taser gun, Meagan was able to pacify the villainous Ramon while maintaining her perfect vintage updo. “You may have stopped me, but that bear will bring down this plane anyway!” Ramon hissed. “Actually, the bear is in the back sleeping quietly. I gave it some of our best kobe beef laced with enough Xanax to incapacitate a bear on PCP” Meagan replied coolly. Ramon sighed and resigned himself to being taken back to the PMITA NJ State Maximum Security Penitentiary.

After a brief celebration, Meagan realized that something was still amiss. It appeared that the pilot had been roughed up in the scuffle and his right hand might be sprained. Unable to use both hands to steer the plane, the future of alternative fashion was uncertain. Meagan quickly jumped into action and shoved the temporarily crippled pilot aside. She was well versed in calibrating instruments and steering, as she had had quite a bit of intimate time with her husband, a less wussy pilot who could fly a plane with not but his teeth, in a similar cockpit. She made the necessary adjustments and guided the plane on a rapid but meticulously guided descent as she asked for clearance from the tower at the Los Angeles International Airport.

At last the ravaged plane, with its cargo intact, had arrived at its fateful destination where another adventure would begin shortly. As consolation, the first 100 passengers to disembark got to have their picture taken with Meagan and the bear, which would later be hand-signed by both. The rest got to punch “el Jamon” in the gut as they walked by.

Fashion Takes Flight

Stewardess style has never looked hotter. Cure your fear of flying once and for all with a look that’s one quarter easy breezy. Three quarters kitschy cool with high-flyin’ fashionista written all over it.

Meagan is ready for takeoff in her Lip Service *snap front poplin shirt in the black colorway. The double buckled black PVC belts push the traditional boundaries of professional attire by infusing this classic top with a smattering of fetish.

*Hot Topic version is shown.Get the original Looks That Kill Corporate Fukker Poplin Shirt!

Form and function converge in the shape of the Smashin’ Fashion Knee Skirt in the black colorway. This knee length retro Lippy number features a covered zipper which runs up the entire center of the garment’s front, thus allowing you to control how much skin you feel like showin’ at any given time. Perfect for a quick romp in the lavatory of an aircraft.

Note: Lethal Style does not condone nor condemn in-flight bathroom sexual intercourse.

Work some animal magnetism into your otherwise monochromatic ensemble with a pinup inspired zebra pillbox hat.

Infuse your attire with some mid-century flair and harken back to a time when accessories were dainty and ladylike by experiencing the power of glove with a standout vintage white pair.

Sheer nude thigh highs camouflage the bad (like the aftermath of a leg shaving massacre) without upstaging the good(like your fabulous ink).

Sky’s the limit in these classic comfy cute suede black wedge peep toe heels.

For a vintage inspired ‘do that’s JUST PLANE SEXY!

1. Dampen your hair.
2. Spray damp hair with setting lotion.
3. Roll dampened sections of your hair with long sponge curlers.
4. Allow hair to dry COMPLETELY (this is key!)
5. Remove the curlers.
6. Finger brush the curls (smoothing with fingers helps to battle the wonky curls!)
7. Roll and pin up hair ends to create a “bob”.
8. Spray liberally with a medium hold hairspray.

Siren of the Friendly Skies

Accentuate your eyes with hints of gilded glamour mixed with no-nonsense neutrals. A juicy raspberry hued pout reminds the boys that you’re a first class gal and should be treated as such.

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer ,Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
2. Before proceeding any further allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.

Eyes:

You will need:

Eyeshadow Primer, Brown eyeshadow(for the brows),Small angled brush, Makeup sealer(optional), Gold eyeshadow, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Neutral nude eyeshadow, Blending brush, Black liquid eyeliner, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara.

1. Dab some brown eyeshadow onto a small angled brush. Tap off the excess. Starting at the widest part of the brow, near the nose, and using short strokes, apply brown eyeshadow directly to the natural hair of the eyebrow. Repeat on the other side. Make sure to use a shade that matches your hair color (in Meagan’s case brown was used since she is a blonde). After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
2. Using a brush with a round/tapered edge apply gold eyeshadow across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
3. With the help of a blending brush add neutral nude eyeshadow to the browbone area directly under your eyebrows. Blend the neutral nude shadow into the gold shadow that you applied in Step 2.
4. Starting at the inner corner of your eye, rim your upper lashline with liquid black eyeliner. Extend the line upward as you approach the outer corner of eye. This produces the much sought after winged “cat eye” effect.
5. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.

Cheeks:

You will need:

Blush brush, Peach blush

1. Swipe some peach blush onto your blush brush.
2. Apply the peach blush to the apples of your cheeks for a healthy, natural glow.

Lips:

You will need:

Mid-tone pink lip liner, Raspberry pink lipstick, Small tapered lip brush, Clear lip gloss.

1. Filling in your entire lip area minimalizes fading, blurring and feathering of lip color. This greatly reduces the amount of time you’ll spend re-applying lip products and leaves more time for important things, such as blowing kisses to cute boys. Use a mid-tone pink lip liner to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners.
2. With a small tapered lip brush apply raspberry lipstick to the center of your lip and then proceed to distribute it over the entire lip area.
3. Finish off with a coat of clear lipgloss.

Credits:

Photography:Umbriel Finite Images

Model:Meagan Kyla

Location: Buffalo, NY

<3

Vanity Kills

see full size in gallery below

The streets are dark and decrepit. The oppressing grey haze of ashen sky looms above, and the clicking of broken biochips underneath feet permeates the alleyways below. It is the year 2053 and most, if not all, of your dystopian fantasies have come true. Humanoid robots have long since lost their appeal as a novelty item and are now firmly integrated into society. These bio-machines work alongside humans in every profession from prostitute to police officer. Of course, robots are known to specialize in many an illegal task which is oft too dangerous or terrifying for tenuous mortal tissue…

The trend wagon everyone is hopping on currently is every 1980s-sci-fi-writer’s wet dream: organ replacement. And “organ” is used in the loosest of terms. 50 years ago it might have been spectacular if you could get a new liver or lung, but now it’s quite common to purchase a new arm, torso or complete body. Any part, organic or not, can be had for the right price…or barter. Now most people would be perfectly complacent to replace their hands and arms every few years after a scaling pot of molten lead falls on you at the factory; or to peruse for a brand new face at the local chop shop after the last model was eaten off by the rock squids on SR117, but there are always those die hard thrill-seekers, or perhaps the stupidly-rich who want something more exciting. And what could be more exciting than installing a fresh new set of lungs or eyeballs? Ingesting them! The newest underground craze is to buy fresh organs, from simple detached fingers – for the thrifty spender – all the way up to still-warm human brain – for those whose near limitless credit chips are burning a hole in their carbon-fiber astro pants. But you can’t just buy them of course, that would be silly — the real pleasure is derived from eating them. The eating part is simple, but obtaining them can prove to be more difficult…

see full size in gallery below

If you happen to live in the Roppongi district of Tokyo and are itching to indulge your corporeal desires, you may be in luck. Working under the cover of laboratory researchers in the Matsutaka #1 Implant Factory are two of the best and most mysterious organ-thieves in the world. The two robots are known only as [pink] and [black], and if you were to do a root search in R.NET9 of their S-ID numbers, you wouldn’t exactly be looking at a Wikipedia article. Made with the sturdiest and most durable bio-steel framework, they’re able to seduce any man into giving up his organs, willingly or not. They would be widely feared if any of their organ donors had lived to remember their faces; instead, they are confined to the throes of mystery (although the boys do seem to love a mysterious fembot). They had been successfully carrying out organ couriering for a number of years, causing the region to be known for its high number of indiscriminate and painful-looking deaths; unfortunately they had yet to land their big score. Lungs, intestines and the intermittent heart brought in a livable salary, but they had been on the lookout for a client who had wanted more…the rarest and most valued piece of meat: the human brain.

—

see full size in gallery below

At long last, after years of waiting, the request had come… from one of the richest men in the history of the planet, no less. No name of course (that’s how it usually worked), just a request, a payment and a drop spot. Getting the brain was simple enough, seduce enough men and eventually one will be well-endowed in that area. It wasn’t difficult pulling that scientist away from his lunch break, act interested in how many millions of eV will be released by a successful bout of nuclear fission and they you’ll have them drooling all over your newest pair of emerald-alloy hoverboots. Blind them with your nuclear lexicon long enough, and the opportunity to snatch a few organs is bound to arise. A good thief can remove a brain in apx 76 seconds; 90 if a nail breaks in the process. But the problem with brains is that you have to preserve them delicately or they will get mushier than the shit that passes for “beef and broccoli” these days. Luckily, the lab had created the perfect delivery bag to solve this problem with equal amounts of professionalism and cuteness. Judging by the location, it should come as no surprise that the bag was a sleek leather/polyester blend in the shape of a Hello Kitty doll. Using custom Matsutaka air-tube technology (patent-pending), it would stream a steady supply of oxygen to the brain to keep it pink and juicy until dinner time.

The mission was going according to plan, until a malfunction in [black] robot’s programming reared its ugly 01101000011001010110000101100100. She had shown continuous disdain about accepting a share of the payment. The money had to be split between robots and the lab, but that was not good enough. She, of course, wanted more so that she could buy a new circuit-board and leg rockets. It’s neither here-nor-there, but leg rockets totally went out of style in 2033. It was inevitable that she would cause drama when the money to be made was this much. And inevitable it was…

As soon as the brain was safely sequestered in the hello kitty case, [black] robot stole it and made a dash for the drop spot! [pink] robot, luckily, had her fingers to the pulse of modern society and had bought the hottest plutonium hoverboots in Harajuku at the end of last year. Hoverboots outran leg rockets 3:1 in 99 out of 100 trials, and this was no exception. [pink] robot grappled with [black] robot and finally managed to rescue the package. [pink] robot, having acquired the goods stood over [black] robot and…

(please insert your bio-view card into your cerebral slot and select outcome)

• If you would like to see [pink] robot douse [black] robot with metal eating spores, please select choice A now
• If you would like to see [black] robot shoot a giant missile at [pink] robot, please select choice B now
• If you would like to see both robots seduce several men and then kill them, please select choice C now
• If you would like to eat a ham sandwich, please remove bio-view card at this time

Delve into the realm of Bio Threat II. Fashion forward space age separates for a look that is classy cyborg not costumey. Yes, it’s possible to resemble a futuristic femme fatale without resorting to wearing soap bubble dresses and ensembles constructed entirely out of Kermit the Frog’s spare parts like a certain attention whoring pop star that inundates us with her obnoxiousness on a daily basis.

Double your dose of biomechanical madness with a “Choose Your Own Adventure” guide to android chic for the flesh-and-bone girl.

Be in perfectly plastic in [pink] or badass in [black].

Dress

You don’t have to wait until 2053 to infuse your life with a little artificial post-human flavor. Work that synthetic sex appeal in a Bio Threat II Alert State Mini Dress(available in both solid black and black/pink colorways) as you carry on with your normal daily activities including, but not limited to: navigating the seedy world of black market organ trading, blowing your rent money on leg rocket prototypes, and cursing the fact that your club night isn’t held in a Blade Runner-esque, UV-light-and-phosphorescent-paint-bedecked “night club of the future” — but rather in a basement somewhere in the hood.

This flexible frock kicks maximum ass whether worn as a standalone piece with the conversation starting [:C≡N:] formula unapologetically advertised on its back or paired with matching Bio Threat II cincher and jacket.

High voltage pink highlights the utilitarian pocket of the Alert State Mini Dress. Handy for storing breath mints, a credit card and scalpels for on-the-go-tissue extraction.

Or

High tech cuts accented by fastenings sewn with exposed zipper tape are the perfect union of structured and raw edge.

Jacket

Up in arms about showing a little a shoulder? A cropped, fitted, long sleeved Bio Threat II Chemical Warfare Jacket (available in both solid black and black/pink colorways) makes the perfect cover for your fragile flesh. The classic cut gets an upgrade with a twill tape front closed front, mesh accents and chemical warfare screen print displayed prominently on the back.

Hot pink details give this dystopian doll ensemble a shot of color.

Or

The clever construction (fabric breast plates make it easier to stash contraband human cardiac muscle) of this jacket makes the black colorway anything but basic.

Cincher

[pink] is anything but prissy suited up in her Bio Threat II Chemical Warfare Waist Cincher* seen here in the black/pink colorway. Tough meets girlie-glam with hardened textiles spliced with Day Glo prints and piping.

*For ultimate waist reduction, wear a plain steel boned underbust corset under fashion cinchers such as this one.

Or

A sleek black PVC cincher emphasizes [black]’s shape while adding visual interest to her achromatic get up. When rockin’ head to toe solid color, change up the textures to keep your monochrome look from becoming tediously repetitious.

Stockings

If you don’t dare to go bare, opt for an always flattering and leg accentuating pair of simple black fishnets.

Afraid of looking too polished? Add a hint of sleaze with layers of artfully disheveled deconstructed fishnet and diamond net stockings held up by visible garters.

Footwear

Shoes big enough to destroy Tokyo. Always relevant.

Or

[black] fraggles up her legs with some can’t-miss’-em-if-you–tried furry legwarmers. (Note to the ever vigilant “Fur is Murder” watchdogs: No Yeti, Sasquatch or Bigfoot was harmed in the production of the aforementioned garment)

Extras

I can give you a 10,000 word dissertation about incorporating organic elements such as cartoonized skulls and blindingly bright green lilies adorned with neon pink leopard print into an otherwise synthetic wardrobe to symbolize the amalgamation of flesh and technology. Or I can tell you why I’m really wearing them. I’m wearing them because they’re “cute”.

Cyborg Cuts

Hair So Hot They’ll Think It’s Genetically Engineered

For [pink]’s pin-straight low ponytails:

1. Coat your hair with a layer of heat-protective spray, cause fried hair isn’t sexy.
2. Grab your flat iron and clamp it down on your hair as close to the roots as possible.
3. Pull flat iron through hair slowly and away from the head.
4. Part your hair down the middle from front to back.
5. Pull one of the sections behind your ear.
6. Secure with rubberband.

Optional: Incorporate “organic elements such as cartoonized skulls and flowers into an otherwise synthetic wardrobe to symbolize the amalgamation of flesh and technology”.
For [black]’s Aeon Flux inspired coif:

1. Direct your browser to Google.com
2. Enter “Aeon Flux hairstyle” into Google image search.
3. Print out a photo that suits your fancy.
4. Take the aforementioned photo to a trusted beauty professional.
5. Point to said photo while saying “I want that”.
6. Maim them if something goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Machines, mayhem and makeup!

General Prep Work
You will need:
Moisturizer ,Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
2. Before proceeding any further allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer, whose job is to neutralize the colour of your lids which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

[pink]

A gaze into the future reveals a metallic charcoal gaze as cold as a mechanical heart and unapologetically bold pink lips.

Eyes:
You will need:
Eyeshadow Primer, Eyeliner that matches your hair color if you draw your eyebrows in, Makeup sealer (optional), Metallic charcoal eyeshadow, Metallic taupe eyeshadow, Frosty white-gold eyeshadow, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Blending brush, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara.

1. Prep your brows by filling them in with a pencil and softening the lines with a small brush or drawing them in if you don’t have them. Eyebrowless ladies like myself should make sure to use a pencil that matches their hair color. After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
2. Everyone’s favorite flirty feline look gets a 21st century makeover! With the help of a tapered edge brush add a healthy amount of metallic charcoal eyeshadow to the outer portion of your upper eyelid. The closer you get to the outer corner of your eye, the thicker the line should become. When you get to the corner, flare the line up using a sweeping motion. This will re-create the classic cat eye shape with a modern futuristic twist.
3. Hold down your lower eyelid. Using the same brush dot the metallic charcoal shadow you applied in Step 2 directly underneath the eyelash line of your lower lid, beginning at the outer portion of the eye. Apply shadow to the outer three quarters of your eyelid, only. Otherwise you run the risk of making your eyes appear smaller than they actually are.
4. Blend a metallic taupe eyeshadow into the inner portion of your upper eyelid right up to the crease using a blending brush.
5. Clean that blending brush and highlight your brown bone with a generous helping of frosted white gold eyeshadow. So simple yet oh-so-stunning!
6. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.

Cheeks:
You will need:
Blush brush, Rose-red blush, Bronzer

1. Swipe some pressed bronzer onto your blush brush.
2. Starting mid-cheek, going towards your ear apply the bronzer into the hollows of your cheeks using short, up-and-down vertical strokes. Darker shades will give the illusion of the hollows of your cheeks receding.
3. Now using the same technique add a rose-red blush to the apples of your cheeks, which will cause them to protrude. Use translucent powder to blend between the two colors in order to avoid obvious lines.

Lips:
You will need:
Shimmering light pink lip liner, Barbie pink lipstick, Small tapered lip brush, Iridescent pink lip gloss.

1. Filling in your entire lip area puts an end to fading, blurring and feathering lip color. Use a shimmering light pink lip liner to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners.
2. To get lost in the neon glow of electric pink lipstick apply the color to the center of your lip and then proceed to distribute it over the entire lip area with a small tapered lip brush.
3. Finish off with a coat of iridescent pink lipgloss.

[black]

In 2053 eyes will be full of sparkle, iridescence and electricity.

Eyes:
You will need:

Eyeshadow Primer, Eyeliner that matches your hair color to fill in your eyebrows, Makeup sealer (optional), Metallic blue-green pigment, Shimmery neon green eyeshadow, Frosty white eyeshadow, Black liquid eyeliner, Black kohl eyeliner, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Blending brush, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara.

1. Prep your brows by filling them in with a pencil and softening the lines with a small brush. After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
2. Dampen a brush with a tapered/rounded edge and dip it into the metallic blue-green pigment. Gently tap, DO NOT SWIPE, the pigment across ¾ of your outer eyelid from lashline to crease. Tapping the pigment on gives the color higher concentration. Leave the inner ¼ of your eyelid bare.
3. Using a blending brush add shimmery neon green eyeshadow into the inner ¼ of your eyelid. Blend well into the blue-green pigment that you added in Step 2.
4. To draw attention to your highlight, place a frosty white shade directly under your eyebrows with the help of a clean blending brush.
5. Starting at the inner corner of your eye, rim your upper lashline with liquid black eyeliner.
6. Line your bottom lid starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with your favorite brand of black kohl eyeliner. Most of the color should be concentrated in the outer corner. I find that it’s easiest to put on eyeliner after eyeshadow and before mascara.
7. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.

Lips:
You will need:
Clear lip gloss

Because with lips like [black]’s all you need is a coat of clear gloss

1. Beginning in the center of your upper lip, gently press the gloss wand into the flesh of your lip and then proceed to roll it over the entire top lip area, working toward the edges. Repeat the process on your bottom lip. To ensure that your gloss sticks to your mouth and not your teeth put your index finger in your mouth, then proceed to slide it out slowly with your mouth still closed. This will remove any excess lip gunk.

Credits:
Photography: Bill Tracy Photography

Models:
[pink]
Vanity Kills

[black]
Lisa G.

Location: Montague, NJ

The Reaper

(Or “Reaper Stripper” if y’all please)

The name’s Candy. When I first entered the adult cabaret biz, I tried goin’ by Licorice and work the whole dark ‘n’ delicious angle, but my boss couldn’t spell none of ‘em big college words over five letters, so I was christened “Candy”.

see full size in gallery below

Walkin’ into my former place of employment, the Shake N’ Squeal (just a spittin’ distance from Goose Creek, Kentucky) was like fallin’ headfirst into a Jerry Springer episode after a weeklong meth bender.

Sister-on-sister chicken grease wraslin’ every last Friday of the month?

Check

Sixteen year olds in their third trimester liquored up on Wild Turkey rollin’ around on the stage?

Check

Multi-generational granny-mother-daughter triple threat “feature dancers”?

Check, check, and check.

Let’s say that my childlessness, lack of Tony the Tiger caliber stretchmarks on my rear and my unwillingness to swap spit with my blood relatives for a shiny new penny always made me the odd woman out.

I spent nearly ten years of my life entertainin’ the crème de la crème of the Bluegrass State who happily pissed away their welfare checks either in this here ole’ dump or at the racetrack. Sometimes the high rollers who just got done holdin’ up a 7-11 in town would pass through our humble gates. It would always be a glorious day for all us hard workin’ gals, since we’d actually be seein’ cash money that day. Nearly daily someone would try to pay us in WWE ticket stubs(“Come on baby…they’re good till next July”) and deer jerky. My greatest admirer even tried to gift me his dentures, before passin’ on to the great NASCAR track in the sky this past summer.

see full size in gallery below

There had to be more to life than Cletus Toothless III shouting “Hey Elvira, I’ll give you 5 dollars for a l’il extra sumfin’ sumfin’” in my general direction. And if that don’t bother you none, just imagine the local preacher stumblin’ in come Saturday night, tryin’ to give you  grief for not bein’ a frequent visitor to the house of worship on Sundays. Tryin’ to scam free lap dances, since he’s a man of God ‘n’ all. Yes, Jesus himself told him that it was his moral duty to exorcise the demons out of me in the privacy of his pickup. I was pushin’ 30 and here I spent the best years of my life grindin’ on hill jacks reekin’ of Jim Beam and failure in a peach-colored lace thong. A quarter does not a sufficient tip make, and a girl can stand hearin’ the details of Billy Bob’s latest ploy to rip off worker’s comp, by means of fictitious injury, only so many times before bein’ driven to madness. Could you shake your ass to Lynyrd Skynyrd four times a week while some inbred yokel named Bubba tossed nickels and dimes at you?

So wouldn’t ya know, one day I decided that the grass here just ain’t blue ‘nuff no more and I did what so many folks done did when their bar tab climbed too high – skipped town.  So, I had never really been too far from town before and I must admit, the country was lookin’ mighty fine to me. I had nowhere to go, so I just plain drove the ol’ ’83 pickup ‘til she couldn’t drive no more. Eventually, she conked out lazily on the side of one of them back roads (how can ya tell ‘em apart?). Seems that lady luck was smilin’ her golden smile on me that day ‘cause what-da-ya-know, there was a couple o’ nice old-lookin’ shacks, or remnants thereof, not far from the road that hadn’t been lived in for years. This seemed like as good a place as any for a retired exotic dance professional to set up shop.

They say you can take a girl out of Kentucky, but you can never take Kentucky out of a girl. Well I’d let you know how true that is, if I could ever manage to get out of here. I thought I’d be able to live the nice quiet life in my shack, alone, but you know how these parts are. All the Billy Joes and Cletuses just can’t seem to mind their own damn business.

see full size in gallery below

See, one day I’m sittin’ on the porch scrapin’ mud and spider guts off my heels when I notice a couple of good ol’ boys approachin’. These didn’t appear to be any of my dear ‘fans’ per say, but they looked as broken-down and depraved as they come. I imagine that they came out this way in search of some poachin’, or perhaps just a bit of gropin’ each other’s genitals out-of-sight to get ‘em roused up for stickin’ in one of their foul-smelling hogs later. The sight of these greasy, half-retarded bumpkins made my blood boil.

I knew that if they saw a woman their jaws would go slack, dripping saliva and god-knows-what-else as they fantasized about bending my fine ass over next ta’ one of those aforementioned piglets. Ugh. Well, shit, I don’t need ta take anymore comments nor stares from worthless sacks a’ horse dung anymore. I told you that I was staying in a shack. What I didn’t mention was that the previous resident was some kind’a butcher o’ sumthin’ ‘cause they left all these big hooks and pitchfork lookin’ things everywhere. I fig’er if it can waste a cow, it can end a braindead, moonshined-up ‘man’…

It didn’t take long, but they spotted me.  I could’ve written the whole conversation before it played out, because it was so nauseatingly typical. “Hey there hunny, whatcha doin’ out here by ya lonesum?” “Wouldn’t you like sum company? You look like a stripper or sumthin’, I bet you could show me a reeel good time”. Oh, and what a time I would show them.

I acted lady-like enough to convince them to drag themselves into the innards of the shack, nearly as dilapidated as the men entering it. After that, well you know how that rage gets ya’ acting like you ain’t even the same person no more. “Hey boys, how much do ya like hooks?” Figure I could lure ‘em in with the promise of sum’ a dat ‘kinky shit’. They were practically foaming at the mouth at that premise. Well, I led them into my ‘special room’ and let the fun began.

see full size in gallery below

I let the bigger one, I dubbed em Cletus A, sit in an old wooden chair and tied him down with grubby rope. I was even so kind as to let the other one, Cletus B, watch as I took a giant meathook to his friend’s face. It was like Hellraiser in 3D. His mottled skin peeled off like an orange peel, or like the wrapper of a condom. Blood shot out everywhere like one of them big geysers. I guess his friend was so gone from years of moonshine that he thought this was some kind of magic trick. He hooped and hollered and even gave a little clap at the demonstration.

His crooked teeth and the reek of pigshit were infuriating enough, but this last bit put me over the edge. I grabbed one of the heels I had just finished cleaning and jammed it right into one of his dead-fish-like bulging eyes. With a sudden ‘pop’ sound, the blissful hooping mutated into shrill screaming. He was on the floor sputtering jibberish and vomiting what was probably raw deer meat, while his friend was sputtering up the last bits of blood and mucus that would ever pass through his filthy body.

I was tired of this yokel crawling and grimey-ing up my floor, so I reached up and found some sort of weighted club waiting for me. It looked like something they used to bash in the heads of cows before people cared about that ‘humane death’ shit. Well, unfortunately for Cletus B, humane death didn’t live here, and so the bashing begin. Some number of minutes later I noticed that the far wall had a lot more chunks on it than usual. I was surprised to find that any living matter came out of his head. I wondered: if I left this here would a stray deer maybe wander it and eat this up? That sure would be a time saver. I had to get my shoes cleaned up.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, but the brothers Cletus weren’t the only ones dumb enough to venture out here. Fortunately, a girl can really get used to killin’, especially when everyone reminds her of past clientele.  I’ve done lost count by now, but I’ve used almost every implement in the shack. But there are still some untainted cleavers which beg to cut again.

The name’s Candy.

But you can call me “The Reaper”.

see full size in gallery below

Embark on a wave of brutal butchery…without becoming a fashion victim yourself.

Notorious Hollywood franchise villains come complete with a signature look; Michael is a fan of Shatner chic, Freddy has been rockin’ the Christmas- sweater- and – Dick Tracy- headwear combo since the year I was born while Pinhead prefers shopping for accessories at Home Depot. Even when a girl is busy converting her town’s redneck population into ground hamburger she needn’t look like she just pilfered Jason Voorhees’s wardrobe.  Lest not forget that you’re a lady first & foremost, and that “style” makes up 50% of “execution style” indeed.

Beauty meets beast in ultra feminine tops, contour-hugging pencil skirts, extreme waist reduction and footwear likely to earn the seal of approval of Vlad the Impaler himself.

Get hooked on Lady is a Tramp II One for My Baby Stretch Poplin Cap Sleeve Top in the red/black colorway. The juxtaposition of the seemingly wholesome retro- flavored “girl-next-door” cut of the shirt, paired with traditionally “adult” fabrics like PVC is a seductive mix of sweet and dirty. Who doesn’t love a good girl doing bad things?

+

The addition of a perennial fetish favorite, like a black PVC underbust corset, spices up almost any outfit, instantly transforming it from so-so to supersexy.

+

When it comes to the fine art of showcasing your assets without lettin’ everyone and their half-retarded cousin Bud ogle what you’re working with, don’t skirt the issue. Gangsta Pranksta Bettie Bruiser mid length skirt in the black/white colorway is right on the money, honey.

+

Sleaze up the pencil skirt’s conservative silhouette with fence net stockings for that authentic “I moonlight at the gentlemen’s club to pay the bills” feel.

Stripper shoes, modded with killer spikes, guarantee that wasted fratboys will be less likely to get fresh with you, as none will be too eager to be on the receiving end of a groin kick from one of these puppies. Bonus points for being the most popular girl backstage at a Gwar show. Provided you can actually walk in them.

Maniacal Mane

Gravity defying tresses that splice Nikki Sixx with Nivek Ogre.

I confess. My hair arrived in a tan colored standard shipping envelope directly from Hong Kong. Alas, fear not. You‘re only a few steps away from rockin’ the frazzled rooster look yourself. Provided that you meet the following conditions:

-Your hair is cut into choppy layers ( No amount of teasing will make layers magically appear on top of your head).

-You’re not one of ‘em hippie granola types who worry about strippin’ the Earth of its ozone layer. Or cry about the insects that will meet an untimely end upon landing on your ‘do after you’ve shellacked it into submission.

Alright, let’s get this show on the road:

1) Despite seeming somewhat counterintuitive, straighten all of your hair using a flatiron.

2) Apply a good quality root lifting spray directly to your scalp.

3) Alright! Time to divide and conquer! Separate the back of your hair into sections. Then proceed to grab any of the sections on the top of your head, spray it with a liberal amount of hairspray and proceed to backcomb the ever-loving fuck out of it. No, this isn’t good for your hair in the slightest. Tease your hair starting at the ends all the way to the roots. Secure with freezing spray.

4) Continue upon this path of teasin ‘n’ sprayin’ until you look like a pissed off porcupine.

(You might want to leave the front alone.  Just sayin’. That way you can sweep your pin straight bangs over your eyes for that ever popular Old English Sheepdog look all the “alternative” kids are sportin’ nowadays)

DEATH BECOMES HER

The 80s gave rise to two very important cornerstones of popular culture: high-impact, boldly-colored makeup and slasher films with minimal character development, over the top kills and gratuitous nudity. Give nod to iconic camp that defined the decade of excess with technicolor eyes, maximum cheek definition and Barbie-pink lips slicked with more gloss shinier than a mirrored strip club stage.

General Prep Work
You will need:
Moisturizer ,Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
2. Before proceeding any further allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer, whose job is to neutralize the colour of your lids which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Eyes:
You will need:
Eyeshadow Primer, Eyeliner that matches your hair color if you draw your eyebrows in, Makeup sealer (optional), Teal eyeshadow, Shimmery medium purple eyeshadow, Frosty off-white eyeshadow, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Blending brush, Fluffy eyeshadow brush, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara.

Prep your brows by filling them in with a pencil and softening the lines with a small brush or drawing them in if you don’t have them. Eyebrowless ladies like myself should make sure to use a pencil that matches their hair color. After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.

Using a brush with a round/tapered edge apply teal eyeshadow across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease. See Figure 1.

Figure 1

1. Hold down your lower eyelid. Using the same brush dot the teal shadow you applied in Step 2 directly underneath the eyelash line of your lower lid, beginning at the outer portion of the eye. Apply shadow to the outer three quarters of your eyelid, only. Otherwise you run the risk of making your eyes appear smaller than they actually are. This defeats the purpose of puttin’ on makeup to make yourself appear prettier.
2. With the help of a blending brush add some shimmery medium purple eyeshadow to the outer crease of your eye and bring it down to your lashline on the outer corner of your eyelid. This is also known as the “outer V”. Continue contouring the crease of the eye by blending more purple shadow up into the lower portion of your browbone and into teal eyeshadow from Step 2. See Figure 2
   

   Figure 2

3. Sweep some frosty off white shadow directly under your eyebrows [doesn’t matter if they’re drawn on or natural] with a small fluffy brush. Blend the frosty off white shadow into  the shimmery purple shadow that you contoured your crease with that Step 4.
4. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.

Cheeks:
You will need:
Blush brush, Rose-red blush , Bronzer

To achieve faux capillary dilation:

1. Swipe some pressed bronzer onto your blush brush .
2. Starting mid-cheek, going towards your ear apply the bronzer into the hollows of your cheeks using short, up-and-down vertical strokes.Darker shades will give the illusion of the hollows of your cheeks receding.
3. Now using the same technique add a rose-red blush to the apples of your cheeks, which will cause them to protrude. Use translucent powder to blend between the two colors in order to avoid obvious lines.

Lips:

You will need:
Shimmering light pink lip liner, Most obnoxious shade of pink lipstick you can get your hands on(preferably a color favored by cock rock groupies of the 80s), Small tapered lip brush, Iridescent pink lip gloss.

1. Filling in your entire lip area puts an end to fading, blurring and feathering lip color. Use a shimmering light pink lip liner to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners.
2. To get lost in the neon glow of electric pink lipstick apply the color to the center of your lip and then proceed to distribute it over the entire lip area with a small tapered lip brush.
3. Finish off with a coat of iridescent pink lipgloss.

Credits

Photography:

Bill Tracy Photography

Model

Vanity Kills

Location:

Abandoned building in Otisville, NY.

<3

Vanity Kills

see full size in gallery below

My ambitions were always bigger than what the shitty suburbs of Maryland could hold. I got my first hat at age five. I don’t mean a stupid baseball cap, I mean a replica soviet-revolutionary cap. I got my first sword at age 10 – again, not a medieval broadsword as most children may have interest in, but something more akin to battle in the U.S. Civil War. I built my first podium at age 13 – to give uplifting speeches of progress to my peers. Well, not that I had any actual peers of course; a great leader has few equals.

Some years later, as the cacophony of continuous Techno Body Music smothered the airwaves, telling me who the bitch was and asking how I wanted her, I decided that the only thing a true leader could do was to start a music project of his own to fight against the stagnant monotony of contemporary club music. Suicide Commando was due for a successor and who better than myself? I had spiky hair, a long evil coat and a copy of Cubase…the choice could not be any clearer. Terror EBM would live again.

Now, I quickly realized that no normal recording studio would suit my project. Anyone can sit at their home computer and write a masterpiece, but a true leader would need something more fitting, more…grandiose. Which brought me to Pelican Island, the home of a massive abandoned bunker (or, as I had already nicknamed it, Bunker Gate 7). I decided that this place was the only fitting home for my studio. Imagine: 10 rooms of old world glory, with no purpose but to reverberate the evil and terrifying sounds of terror. And to seal the deal, any blood in these rooms was totally legit. I knew it would be difficult to set up shop here (I’d have to transport the laptop and midi controller all the way out here), but it would be well worth it.

Once the studio was finished there was pretty much no reason to leave the glory of my fortified haven. Months went by, filled with not but the synthetic sounds of digital synthesizers and the clanking of drum machines. Not a day went by that lacked harsh, pounding beats and a fistful of slamming synthlines. I even ordered a Boss SE-50 for my pitch-shifted vocals, but it seems the mailtruck can’t make it out to the bunker…so I haven’t recorded any vocals yet.

see full size in gallery below

Several more months went by and my album progressed. At last, all it needed was vocals. Apparently I would have to leave the bunker at last to find the lost mailtruck which held my precious package…the very package containing the future voice of the world’s most powerful and influential terror ebm artist! Upon exiting, however, I learned the world had suffered from a dire fate. Apparently the mail truck wasn’t the only thing that was not making deliveries on time. The smell of charred corpses in the air brought visions of a great war into my head. What was the cause of this destruction and chaos? Surely the world was be ensnared in a global conflict! Unfortunately, there was no particular evidence to prove this theory. Where was the sound of bombers flying overhead? The distant thud of tanks and mortars firing on the enemy? The screams of soldiers dying? Well, in any case something had gone wrong…on a massive scale. People were gone; buildings were broken and decaying; the air reeked with a strange putridity. What the hell was going on?

Actually, “this is fantastic” I thought to myself. It seems that in my time alone, shielded from the outside world (literally!), I had risen through the ranks to become, in fact, ultimate dictator of the world!

—

Walking through the ruins of the world, I stop to observe my territory. I climb the ruins of an old house and survey all that lies before me (aka my dominion). The world is desolate, and more than ever it needs a strong leader. I raise my hand and give an uplifting speech. We must not fold, but carry on and rebuild! With me at the helm, we will refurbish this build into the ultimate club! It will be nothing but Terror EBM, seven days a week. I could never tire of Tactical Sekt and TV screens showing Hellraiser 2.

The journey is long and the goal is vague, but I will prevail. Along the way, even the most glorious of leaders needs to eat. Unfortunately the local grocer seems to have been demolished. Fortunately, a leader must possess skills that allow him to remain stalwart even in uncertain times. I am a seasoned woodsman, and so I easily forage for delicious berries to keep me alive until I can find some mortar to patch up these ruins.

Each night I dream of progress and the future of my dominion as a sprawling sanctuary of glorious terror ebm. In my dreams, I see myself standing above the masses; beside me a cute blonde haired girl in a red vinyl dress who is beautiful and strong enough to be my right hand. What sort of omen is this? I must not give up the struggle…the wheels of progress will turn once more!

World Domination is serious business. Dress accordingly.

Pay homage to your inner megalomaniac with an updated rendition of propaganda poster fashions.

Dictatorial by design Chick’s Colonel Uniform Jacket in the red/black colorway from Lippy’s 2005 Achung Playtime line redefines power suiting for a post-Apocalyptic future. The coat’s strong shoulders and sleek cuts blur the gender line while commanding attention and power.

Note:  Our decidedly male hero is of rather slender stature (Read: I want that skinny bastard’s metabolism), thus he can get away with fetishistic militant androgyny. For your big, burly men may I suggest the Coat of Arms Long Coat from Division LS III (currently on closeouts) instead?

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The club is a battlefield! Crush the enemy (and absorb their power) to the tune of Tactical Sekt’s “Give me Violence” in buckled boots.

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A basic black stretch poplin top conceals the coat’s peek-a-boo front, thus allowing for more male friendly wear.

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Hair Victory!

The key to styling Dan’s hair lies in:

-Wetting it

-Rubbing it with a towel.

-Spraying it with a freezing spray that promises “screaming hold” and comes in an airhorn shaped container.

-Haphazardly trimming the ends that are too long to stand up on their own.

And then washing it all out in order to adhere to the business casual dress code of his government IT job.

see full size in gallery below

Real Men Wear Guyliner (and Manscara)

Drop the macho bullshit, boys and get kohled out. Alas please DO resist the urge to draw vines, inverted crosses or anything previously seen in a motion picture starring Brandon Lee on your face.

Face

You will need

Moisturizer ,Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush.

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
2. Before proceeding any further allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward].
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.

Eyes:

You will need:

Black eyeliner

Line your bottom lid starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with your favorite brand of black kohl eyeliner. Smudge slightly with Q-tip for a pseudo disheveled look. You’re a man after all!

Credits:

Photography:

Umbriel Finite Images

http://www.modelmayhem.com/umbrielfinite

Model & Guest Writer:

Dan Barrett/Worms of the Earth

http://www.myspace.com/wormsoftheearth

Article:

Vanity Kills

http://www.modelmayhem.com/vanitykills

Location:

Long Pond Ironworks State Park in Hewitt, NJ

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Vanity Kills