editor’s note: We know you guys can often have some difficulty in getting parents to endorse (through buying) your choice of gear. The hurdles you face, however, are not as high and fraught with emotion as the womenfolk. For that reason, while you will probably find just as helpful of information to your cause, the guide is addressed mainly to female Fashion Freaks.
To parents out there in Lippyland. Honestly, if you’re here reading our webzine, you’re not the parents we’re talking about here. We thank you and hope, for the sake of the younger Lippy Addicts out there dealing with the same parental angst we did back in the day, your attitude is contagious.
We know you really want to find some hot new Lip Service gear in pretty wrapped boxes this holiday season. But, we also know, sometimes parents are not as open to your kind of fashion. They can get a little sticky on things like length of skirts, sheerness of materials, overall looks of the clothes you want to wear. What you think is the most awesome thing, ever, they cringe at, thinking it’s a little odd. Or worse, they think it’s a bit too sexy to want to endorse their little bundle of joy (namely YOU) wearing it.
But you still want to get your Lippy … the Lippy you will get without having to use your own money.
What’s a Fashion Freak to do? Sure you can ask for what you want and hope for the best. But, as we all know, that can backfire. How would you like to wind up with no Lippy and, possibly worse, a lame watered-down version of the styles you want? Not good. No, just relying on luck and parental hipness alone is often a recipe for crappy clothes or no clothes in your prezzie haul. Parents, like any other people, need to be *wink* helped to find the right inspirations for doing the desired thing, in this case buying you some Lip Service gear.
This is where PsyOps comes in.
Military.com defines “PSYOPS” as (paraphrased): Planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to influence emotions, motives, objective reasoning, and ultimately behavior. The purpose of psychological operations is to induce or reinforce foreign attitudes and behavior favorable to the originator’s objectives.
See what I mean? You need to get yourself a suitable PsyOps strategy to shift your parents from the camp of “probably not going to buy Lippy” to “feeling good about buying Lippy”.
The main thing to keep in mind is, no two sets of parents are exactly alike. You will better know what their triggers are, what freaks them out a little, and (very importantly) how far is too far. We’ll explore particular fears or objections your parents may have to picking you up some sweet Lippy gear, a fine strategy of ops (utilizing visual imagery and stimuli), and examples of where your bending their will might cause them to break.
Ready to jump in?
The first thing to remember in PsyOps is, you’re using the attitudes, emotions, and (most importantly) fears of the subjects to create the stresses which will induce the change in opinion and action. If you don’t know for certain where the pressure points are for your parents, it is very important to find that out … and for each one of them. It does no good to push on a non-pressure point, right? So, check out their responses to various stimuli. See which is more open and use them against the other (many of you already have quite a lot of experience in this tactic) and without hesitation … this is a war of wills, so squeemishness is not welcome. This is a zero-sum game, ladies and gentlemen … it’s all in or no go.
Let’s do this thing!
Here are a few examples of parental objections/fears and how to overcome them with PsyOps
Cyber-punk
You might be thinking the reason your folks don’t like your cyber gear is the foreignness of the looks and their discomfort with advancing time they represent (which means more aging for them). You’d only be part right and in a way which doesn’t help us. What they really have a problem with is the sexiness of much cyberpunk gear. You dig it for the kickass modern feel and out-of-this-world looks, but they’re just thinking, “My, isn’t that skirt a little short? And why are there pieces cut out? I don’t think I like this on my baby.”
Even with leggings or the like, parents react viscerally to skirt length and what it means to them (our little girl is a woman) the moment you rock over that line from cutesy little girl to hot chick. And forget clever panels in your gear … that just starts to make them think of exposure, which can never lead anywhere good, either.
So, what to do? Show them what you actually want, say a Cyber Sniper mini dress. Sure, it’s got a fairly short skirt and has some open bits, even a strap which really calls attention to your rack. But, remember, you’re not showing it to them in a vacuum. Give them something to REALLY think about. Show them a few “diversion” pieces which are even shorter, have naughtier cut-out panels, make their pulse rise a little imagining their little girl going out to clubs in them. Don’t go too far, or you risk poisoning the well against ALL your picks and winding up with some lame “safe” crap you’d not be caught dead in.
If you play your cards right, they’ll be adding up the possibilities. If they get you the “safest” of the options, they have a greater probability of you not getting the others on your own. By using the straw-man of the “dangerous” choices and the threat of you getting one of the options anyway, you can watch your PsyOps adding up to you getting what you want without having to open your own wallet to do it.
See how simple it is?
Clubwear
Well, this is much more straightforward, isn’t it? You want something hot to wear out to clubs, but you know your parents don’t want you to wear anything which might look at home in a nightclub. Mainly, because they don’t want to accept that you do go out to clubs and, deeper down, that you’re old enough to do so (whether legally or no … your webmistress does not endorse acts of sneaking into 21+ clubs but has enough sense of reality to know it happens and we’ll leave it at that). You may not want to hear this, but your parents were most likely pretty cool at some point or, at least, went to a club or three in their day. They know what it’s like and what goes on there; they also most likely assume it’s grown even more degenerate over the years. So, basically, they assume you want super-hot gear to go out flouncing about in an ongoing bacchanal.
Since they probably do have some sense of reality, they realize it is next to impossible to think you’ll never set foot in a club. So, their next strategic tack is to limit your wardrobe choices. The direction and methods you take, including choice of Lippy, will be critical to your success. Here you must think and think well. Which do you think will give your parents the greater level of terror, hemline, clinginess, or potential visibility of boobs? Use the worst of their fears to present a Lippy style which is less fear-inducing.
For example:
Do they flip out at hemlines but don’t mind you wearing something a bit more form-fitting, so long as it hits mid-thigh? Choose the right Lippy, like perhaps the some slinky separates or halter dress from Pin Me Up, then offer those on your wish list alongside some super-short straw-man picks. Does the thought of your rack or any part of it exposed to open air freak their shit? Take advantage of that to get some 25 Years, like the deliciously short mini dress or awesomely clingy halter and leggings. Just use a few appropriately placed options in the mix that will increase their fears of your rack. Form-fitting = bad? Take advantage of that fear by suggesting some short-skirted, shoulder-baring, but not-too-slinky Batz N Bones.
Mind you, as I said earlier, this one is a bit more delicate. Any hint of going to far and, like anything bent too far, it will wind up snapping back … and that backlash will result in NO LIPPY, WHICH WOULD TOTALLY SUCK.
Bear in mind that, in these PsyOps strategies, Moms can be your best ally. If there is one parent who will be FAR more freaked out by you looking hot, it’s probably your Dad. Your Mom will, most likely, recall her wardrobe battles with her parents (probably led by her Dad) and be more sympathetic to your cause. This is the course I used often … presenting something I thought Mom would find too far out, then something past her line but less so … the thing I really wanted anyway. This allowed her to feel like she gave a little, was the COOL PARENT, plus pushed the boundary just a little further out, too. If I had pulled out something crazy sexy, I would have lost her, too, and thus the whole war.
Common sense and nuance are definitely your friends, here. Use them well.
Steampunk
It is a fact, unless your parents were goths themselves back in the day, they will probably be freaked out by you wearing too much black or anything too different. Even if they were, they might still harbor some parental squishiness about wanting to you “fit in” or other such bullshit. If they don’t get your style, they probably never will. The best you can hope for is to bring them around to what they think is a compromise, yet you know is just buying you the Lippy you wanted in the first place.
For example … Steampunk
Just the mere presence of the word “punk” strikes fear in the heart of most parents. (They can be fairly simple that way *wink*) We may think Maya Hansen designs some thoroughly badass corsets, but we also know your parents will not get them at all … Hell, just using the word “corset” in their presence is a no-no. Remember words have power and connotations … corset, at least to them, probably means lingerie, which is a word they most certainly don’t want to associate with their little girl. Beside that, they most likely freak out at anything too avante garde. That, my dear Fashion Freaks, is why we shall use it to get the cutting edge Lippy gear we really want and make them feel good about it. Show them a few pretty over-the-top haute couture oriented steampunk pieces … refer to THEM as steampunk, thus using the fear of “punk” in your favor. Don’t go too freaky or you might scotch them on anything even close to it. Then show them the Step In Time you want, referring to them as “Victorian Steam” style. Parents LIKE Victorian … it has connotations of clean living and nicer, gentler times. Then, get set for a Lippy gift WIN!
Eclectic Style – Military/Pirate/etc
One would think parents would LIKE something with a martial flair, even the regiental nature of most pirate-themed gear. It speaks of discipline and order, things on the + side of the parental scale. But, alas, dear Lippy Addicts, they also make parents nervous. You see, anything outside mainstream fashion tends to make their hearts beat all aflutter, and not in the good way. You may crave a badass Mother of London harness, but your parents will most likely think it is just a little weird, since it’s nothing like what THEY wore back in the day. Even if they were goths, the gothic style has evolved dramatically to embrace a far more avante garde and experimental approach to fashion. These ideas and parents, sadly, don’t mix well.
These styles, it must be said, also trigger a connotation of fetish and what many parents would consider deviant lifestyles or, in the case of pirate styles, naughty sex-laced romance novels. I don’t need to tell you that this does no work in your favor. No matter how open-minded they are toward the rest of the world, that mental door is slamming shut when you get to it.
So, they think your style is a bit too out-there? Give them a choice of what you know they can never “get” and stuff you know they can accept without too much fear of your individuality. Maybe some tasty styles from Das Bunker or some of the new Brocade Piracy collection. Bear in mind, your every act and inclination of individuality is, to them, an assertion that you are an adult and your own person … and that probably scares the crap out of them, whether or not they choose to admit it.
Going All Girly – Pin-up/Burlesque/etc
There is an interesting duality (read: hypocrisy) at work here, in the parental mind and attitude. Looks and styles your parents forced you to wear when you were a sweet little thing are now on the big-time no-no list. There is a simple reason for that, which I can sum up in three little letters … S … E … X. An adorable little crinoline or frilly thing, on a little girl, is the epitome of what parents see as super-cuteness. It is why this sort of thing is probably all over the family albums and framed photos of various dressy events and studio pics. Now that you’re grown up (or at least mostly so), there’s a deeper, naughtier thing behind it. And, of course, parents don’t like anything naughty or with even a whiff of sexy anywhere near their little girl. So, therein lies the irony. Now that you actually want to wear this stuff, they don’t want you anywhere near it.
Let’s face facts, anything which puts a woman in something which represents innocence (like girly crinolines and tulle) is going to be kinda hot because, worn the right way with the right attitude, it says the very opposite. It’s used as a visual contrast, an, “I’m no little girl … *wink, nudge*” for superb effect. Also, anything with connotations of pin-up shows an attitude of willingness to let the sexy side of your girlishness out, not brazen or overt but winkingly suggestive. We all, including your parents, know this is incredibly hot. This is why your strategy needs to be more subtle than the others.
You can use diversion and a little deception to alleviate their nervousness of the potent force of your chosen style.
Whether your favorite Lippy is the pin-up style of Pin Me Up or the more burlesque-tinged Nocturnal Rendezvous, the strategy is very much the same. Start showing around pictures and examples of edgier, sexier stuff in that style, maybe even pick up a few vintage prints of old pin-ups or posters. The important thing is ALWAYS use the words “retro” or “feminine” when talking about the style. Parents like flash-back stuff, because it makes them think of “the old days”, and they tend to be pretty high on femininity, too. If they think you want your gear because you like girly stuff, it’s whole lot better than them thinking the words “pin-up” or “burlesque” and you together. These things now can add up to them imagining you as a Suicide Girl or the like, which is recipe for NO LIPPY … and, of course, you don’t want that.
The Mama Cass of PsyOps – The Schoolgirl!
Okay, there is no pussyfooting around with this one. This look is and can only be a trigger for massive parental terror. For that very reason, if you have your heart set on some Lippy schoolgirl-themed styles like the Punk and Disorderly mini-kilt, Looks That Kill itty-bitty mini, and Patent Vinyl schoolgirl shirt with tie, you have to know you have a much harder PsyOps road ahead of you. Like the last example, you need to use a bit of deception.
There is no fooling parents into thinking you just want to feel more feminine by wearing schoolgirl gear; they’ll sniff that lie out straight away. The only way to go is to USE THE FEAR, harness it to use as a foil to why you REALLY like wearing it. Whether you actually like it or not, start leaving out Japanese anime stuff, talk a bit about Japanese style, even over-the-top varieties like Harajuku girls. Talk about how you REALLY love when the schoolgirl style is done right, when it’s totally cute and whimsical. Here and there, let them see some other, more overtly sexy, schoolgirl gear and refer to how much you don’t like when girls take it too far or look like escapees from Rock of Love (then make a disgusted face). Extoll the fun, playful, girlishness of a cute, little kilt and how you really like feeling young and silly in it. Say how much you dislike the over-the-top of have everything hanging out … how you really like a shirt that, not only doesn’t let your middle show, but also buttons with a cute, little tie. So adorable and fun! Wheeeeee!
If you can get them thinking you want a schoolgirl outfit for what they’ll see as RIGHT reasons, you may just stand a chance. Go too far, in any way, and all your work will be for naught. This means no “little girl” type behavior which they know equals flirting out in the world. Embracing “little girl” things, like Hello Kitty, is good, though. It sets the stage for your deception. Cutesy pens and colored pencils, lunchboxes for purses, barrettes in your hair, stickers and the like … all superb things. Let the visuals and your deception do the hard-lifting of shifting your parents toward viewing your desire for schoolgirl stuff down a benign and more innocent road, one that leads to your new gear!
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Okay, that’s most of the bigger roadblocks you’ll face on your campaign for Lippy prezzies. I wish you much luck in your endeavors and hope this has helped in some way. We were all there once and those of us who learned the Jedi-like PsyOps of bending parental will owe a debt to the next generation to pay the good juju forward. This is my contribution.
