Vamp-licious! (a/k/a – You can suck my neck anytime!)
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010 by Mich Masoch
I’m guessing I’m not the only one absolutely leaping out of my skin with yummy, sexy joy to have True Blood owning my Sunday nights once more. How can you NOT love a show that, in the very first episode back, thanks you for your patience and continued loyalty by giving you a deliciously naked, slice of sex pie like Alexander Skarsgaard (as Eric Northman)! Awww, thanks True Blood!
As you may have already noticed, vampires are not the only sexy to be ogled on True Blood. We can also do a fine bit of Lippy-spotting, since the woman who handles all the wardrobe, Audrey Fisher, has brought our favorite sexy gear to Fangtasia and other True Blood hot spots. Here are a couple of captures by Lippy Addict, Nathy (Thanks!!), prompted by the keen eye of one of our favorite Lippy Addicts, DevoidaTaste (thanks, too, Mary!).
In this scene, Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) goes to Fangtasia looking for Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgaard) to discuss the Operation Werewolf brand she’s discovered in her search for her beau, Bill Compton (Steven Moyer). And, my, what’s that? A Lip Service Faded Suspect long moto jacket (want one? just go here in our Sales section!) on a girl hanging outside.
In the very same scene, one of the sexy Fangtasia barmaids rocks a Patent Vinyl & Vegi Leather Classics Buckle Strap Mini Dress (which, by the way, is on sale, too! WOOT!) As the season rolls on, I’m sure we’ll get to see more sexy Lippy on those sexy Fangtasia vamps! Keep an eye peeled and, if you get some still captures, give us a shout and we’ll give you a shout out here in the ‘zine.
All this cross-over sexiness got me to thinking about vampires and what we find so irresistable about them. Let’s start with True Blood’s awe-inspiring cast of sexy blood-suckers, since Alan Ball and crew have really gone out of their way to give us a varied and interesting lot of vamps!
First (always first *siiiigh* *pant* *drool*) is:
Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgaard)
With the story expanding to include Eric Northman’s adorable maker, Godric, we’ve been able to see the soft underbelly of the big, sexy, wicked Sheriff. He’s a badass, absolutely, but the writers are slowly but surely showing more and more of the emotions he’s kept down all these centuries. It can only make him more interesting and, I must say, Eric is already quite an interesting cat. And, also must say, when he says something deliciously droll (even calling Arlene’s kids “Teacup humans”) or wickedly naughty in that low purring voice of his, it just drives this vamp fan insane!
Pam (Kristin Bauer)
Speaking of droll, there is no better foil for the consistently droll Eric than the epitome of droll deliciousness wrapped in a witheringly vicious package, Pam. Whether Pam is picking bits of vampire off Sookie Stackhouse, bitching to Eric about her ruined shoes, or dispensing advice to baby vamp, Jessica Hamby, she is utterly the peak of awesome. I’m so glad her role has been expanded in this season, because the show shines even more with her wit. I don’t know about you, but when she was rudely interrupted in mid-cunnilingus by Jessica’s call and proceeded to ask, in her best impatient purr about whether she’d gone to the hypothetical store for the theoretical chainsaw, I was in stiches. Besides, who else could utter the words, “I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago.” and make it a seething statement of empowerment.
Bill Compton
Sorry Team Bill, though I’ve listed ol’ Bill Compton here third, he’s pretty far down on my list … usually. But, after last week’s *ahem” “twist” (hee hee), his character is at least getting more interesting to follow around. Gone is the moonie-faced mopey Bill, always trying to keep “Suuuckeeeeeh” from getting herself in trouble. Funny part is, with the recent developments (can we say, sneaky stalker file?), Bill Compton – the good boy – is getting a reveal of his dark side while Eric Northman (just can’t seem to keep that one out of my mind *sigh*) – the bad boy – is showing his emotional and more vulnerable, caring side. Will this bit of coming to equillibrium make Bill stay a bit more interesting? It’s tough to say, but I kind of hope it does.
I’d take a bit more time to go into how awesome and awesomely awkward and sexy baby vamp Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll) is and how tiresome I find Queen Sophie Anne (Evan Rachel Wood), as well as how much fun I’m finding the marital interplay between King Russell Edgington (Dennis O’Hare – who is always superb) and his partner Talbot (Theo Alexander) and how wonderfully intriguing the dark, spy Franklin Mott (James Frain). But, we have so many more vampires to drool at *ahem* discuss.
Before moving on, here’s a nifty little collection of True Blood sexy … thanks inter-nets!
Dracula (as played by Frank Langella)
Oh my! Is there anything more lusciously sexy than Frank Langella coming in through that window, chest exposed by his sexy, loose shirt? I think not! Based on the erotically-charged stage play, the movie version heats it up like no vampire story before or since. And the original play’s star, Frank Langella, is a revelation of sauve sensuality. We don’t get the old, creepy, smelly Drac in this film, just the smooth-as-fuck sex machine with soulful eyes, one hell of a bedside manner, and ripe, full lips that can wrap around my jugular anytime! There’s an underlying tone of release in this story, with Dracula representing freedom from stifling Victorian morality and lack of self-determination for women. He is everything the not-quite-content-to-be-locked-down-with-boring-ass-Harker Lucy secretly desires. And we desire Dracula for many of the same reasons. Frank Langella was my introduction to the concept of vampires oozing sexy and, boy, I still thank him and his phenominal lips for that!
Miriam and John Blaylock – The Hunger
So, how does one top the Frank Langella sexy Drac? How about double-your-sexy? The Hunger gives us not just David Bowie as urbane, mannered vampire, John Blaylock, but also the superbly sexy Catherine Deneuve as his wife, Miriam. The filmmakers also give us lots of eye candy and ear candy, with gorgeous vistas of New York and a soundtrack that sidles between goth classics and classical pieces. The vampires are beautiful, classy, intelligent as hell, and they typify everything we’d love to be as urban vamps. And, just when you think that’s the end of the sexy, they bring in Susan Sarrandon, who spends an awful lot of time in a white t-shirt with no bra, which is much too yummy. We also get some delicious girl-girl sensuality between Sarrandon and Deneuve. This seriously raised the bar for vampire sexy, as well as beautiful and intense film portrayals of vampires feeling love, passion, mourning, and the sting of eternity when it can’t be shared equally.
Interview with the Vampire – Armand (Antonio Banderas) + Honorable Mention for Louis (Brad Pitt)
Anybody disappointed that the casting for Interview with the Vampire, at least in the case of Armand, did not follow the description set forth by Anne Rice in the obscenely popular novel? Show of hands? *crickets* Yeah, me neither. Sure, Armand was supposed to be a lovely boy with a Botticelli face and sweet curls, but who can begrudge another opportunity to watch Antonio Banderas smolder up the screen with his über-sexy self? He imbued Armand with a deeper, darker menace and a man’s sensuality. Win and win and big fucking win in my book. Yeah, I’ll admit, menace is a bit creeper coming from a boy with the countenance of an angel, but I’ll take brooding, simmering, sexy menace instead any frick’n day of the week. Banderas’ Armand represented a guilty conscious turned outward with unfiltered zeal. He was a very good boy turned very, very bad and we loved every second he was on screen.
Louis, on the other hand, was the epitome of guilty conscience. I include him mainly because I would probably hear it from too many friends if I didn’t. Pitt, I will admit, is a very pretty young man at this stage. He had a lovely sensual mouth. I get the appeal, really, just don’t share it. I think there was a great appeal in his sad boy character, a soulfulness and delicacy which was rather attractive to many a sweet young thing. I’ll give him his due. Cruise’s Lestat, on the other hand? I can say only *feh*. Take a look a few vamps down to Kiefer Sutherland for the wolf-like venal character the much bally-hooed vampire should have had. And that’s all I have to say about that. *pthft*
Santanico Pandemonium (Salma Hayek) – From Dusk to Dawn
What’s not to love here? Salma Hayek as a super-hot stripper vampire … WIN! Playing with a snake and pouring drinks off her feet for (obvious foot fetishist) Quentin Tarantino’s Richie to drink … EPIC FUCKING WIN! From Dusk to Dawn uses the locked-in claustrophobic scenario usually restricted to zombie/monster flicks and converts it to vampires with panache. It is an ass-kicking movie, with George Clooney as the badass sexy hero and Harvey Keitel as his partner savior. It’s a fucking bloodbath yet still manages to get its sexy licks in with Salma Hayek’s mesmerizingly hot dance number. You love Santanico, you worship her, that is until the doors lock and she tears your fucking throat out. She’s one vicious piece of work and, I’m certain, gave a lot of dancers a lot of joy as she tore up the gropey patrons of the fabulously seedy Titty-Twister.
David (Kiefer Sutherland) + his boys – Lost Boys
In the spirit of full disclosure, I have had a “thing” for Donald Sutherland since I was a wee little girl. So, when I discovered he had an actor son who was ridiculously hot, my little libido went into hyer-drive. When said super-hot Sutherland, Kiefer of course, was cast as the viciously wolflike vampire David in The Lost Boys, I was already turned on before ever seeing the movie. David, as played by Kiefer, is everything you imagine in a young vampire. He’s charming as hell when he wants to be, deadly as hell, and outside any controls polite society usually places on young men. He and his crew are party animals, getting wild before tearing the crap out of those gathered to party, screaming around town on hot bikes, causing all sorts of trouble. How could we not want to live vicariously just a bit through the sexy brood of Lost Boys? How could we not want to throw ourselves at sexy piece of business, David, in hopes he’d take us along for the wiild ride. They never get old, they neevr have to grow up … it’s like Peter Pan on violent rage amped up with a blast of potent sexual charge. NomNomNom!
Dracula (Gary Oldman)
Yes, I’ll say it. The movie sucked so hard, it could indeed take the chrome off a trailer hitch. It was a frightenly bad movie. But … and this is a huge but … Gary Oldman was fucking genius as Dracula. From the creepy-ass twitchy, funky old Drac with the danish-like ‘do to the flashback warrior king Drac, to the soulful gothy Victorian Drac, he nailed it. This is not a surprise. Though Gary Oldman has chewed his share of scenery in some mediocre to awful movies, he is a superb actor with a great skill for playing nuance and heartbreaking melancholy beneath the surface. So, if you haven’t seen this film (and I couldn’t blame you if you hadn’t), do check it out. Brave Keanu’s attrocious accent and worse acting, Winona’s strange meandering presence, and all the other glaring flaws in this incredibly flawed movie. It’s worth every painful moment for the opportunity to watch Gary Oldman’s portrayal of the most storied of vampires. This is a Dracula truer to the original source material. Dracula is melancholy, he’s vicious, he’s gentle with his love and brutal with all others, he’s clever as fuck, and he’s layered with nuances one would expect to find in one with such a tragic personal history and life after … a life which will go on forever without his lost love. There is a lost, melancholy to this Dracula, a sadness which defies normal mortal depths through sheer time increasing its impact. Depite Winona’s heinous attempt at acting, don’t be surprised to find yourself sniffling away a few tears at the end. This Dracula deserves them.
Here are a few pieces of sexy vampire eye-candy!
Well, hope you enjoyed checking out my favorite vamps. Next month, we’ll have some vamps of a completely different sort, when I explore the Exxxotica Expo and find some willing victims (and vamps) for our fledgling vamp site, Vampyrotic!
