Posts Tagged ‘vanity kills’

Springtime Sacrifice

Story by: Dan Barrett

A prequel to Blood Harvest .

Tonight we will return to the bizarre southern town whose presence was spoken of before in these very pages. The place’s name has been long forgotten by urbane folk, and neither local map nor road sign will lead you to it. Prior to the civil war, the area had been a respected farming community for generations. However, at some dark turning point in history, not long after the war, an unknown epidemic hit and all but cleared the place out. No one is able to speak with certainty of these events, as whatever shadowy occurrence that took place was never written down, and all but erased from the collective memory of mankind, which is likely a blessing. The native folk have their rumors about the place, of course, everything from nuclear testing site to alien abduction. The most disconcerting claim, perhaps, is deep in the woods there is a doorway to hell itself, and the demons found a way to come through it, back into our world. It was these things which eviscerated the town, scared off the settlers, and forged a fear so deeply seated in man’s psyche he was forever mute to speak of them. However, you didn’t come here to listen to fables or old wives tales. You want to know the truth, no matter how abominable…

——

What follows may sound like little more than a rehearsed work of the macabre, to be placed on a library’s bookshelf in between similarly penned commercial tripe, but I can say with absolute authority it is quite a bit more than that. If my story sounds ghastly and warped, it is for good reason. I’ll tell you of that which you pursue, a glimpse into the blackened abysses of sincere horror and depravity, but you must promise never to seek it out for yourself, for nothing good will ever come of it!

About 10 years ago, in the summer of 2001, several friends and I were taking a car trip down south to an anime convention. Things were normal, until we started having car troubles. We pulled off on a random exit from I-65 and drove around the countryside for a bit, looking for some kind of service station. After twenty or thirty minutes of driving, the passenger side rear tire snagged a tremendous nail in the road and blew out. At that point, we were effectively stranded in the middle of nowhere; the car out of commission and no town or maintenance area in sight. After some deliberation we decided to follow a nearby trail up through the forest, in hopes it may lead to a development, or, perchance, a lone mansion of some aristocrat attempting to escape the bustle of the metropolis. As luck would have it, we came across what could loosely be referred to as the former, though it bore very few of the qualities we were expecting. The woods had opened up into vast farmlands, with many acres to the east consumed by corn stalks, and the west occupied mostly by an apple orchard. In the middle of these were some residences, though I couldn’t imagine people willingly called these shacks home. But strange folk have equally strange customs, as we would soon find out. There were 5 of us, and at this point we were all together as a group. Nominally, it was Joey, Matt, Blake, Lawrence, and myself. We were equal parts confused and nervous, but with no other options on the table, we decided to proceed and try to find someone with a phone, or vehicle, or … something.

Once we got into the central part of the, I suppose you could say, “village”, our fears were assuaged somewhat when we saw there were inhabitants. Unfortunately, none would return our attempt at dialogue. Perhaps they lacked the ability in general, as they seemed to do little more than pace about aimlessly and make low grunting noises. They did very little to even acknowledge our presence. At that point we split up; Matt, Joey and I went to check out the large saltbox style building which looked like some kind of mayor’s mansion, and Blake and Lawrence went to investigate a charcoal colored oblong structure which might possibly hold a store or marketplace. Blake was kind of an asshole, but it’s still unfortunate my last words to him were “meet us back by the corn in an hour”. We never saw the two alive again.

From the foot of the porch steps we stared upward at the house’s bucolic cedar casing. It was quickly clear our team’s exploration was a bust; the intricately carved mahogany doors were excessively worn and bolted shut, and there were no visible signs that the place was being used at all. The windows were obscured by layers of dust and the distortion of age. Defeated, we returned through the village to meet up with our friends and, hopefully, hear of their success. Sadly, there was to be only a swan song. On our way back we spotted the corpses of our companions, mounted on the side of the wilted building they were assigned to inspect, impaled through the necks. Their chest’s had been ripped open through some horrific feat, and from the gaping hole viscera, blood, and bile spilled out and was pooling on the ground below. The lumps of flesh and skin had become a minor ant colony to some bestial mutation of the common insect; the workers of the brood tearing it asunder and retreating to horde it in their dank subterranean tunnels. The bodies were an awful sight, and smelled terribly. A malicious crow had perched on Blake’s shoulder and was pecking out his right eyeball, the nerve of which was still loosely chaining it in place, producing small spouts of blood and greyish ooze. The gore had driven us both to sickness and the beginning stages of dementia, but I scarcely believe I hallucinated any of what was to follow.

From the darkness beyond the door-less, pine-framed entrance, a figure, straight from the bowels of purgatory, emerged. In appearance, it bore a strong resemblance to a human woman, but its wild look and aura was that of pure evil. While the rest of the denizens wore ripped and tattered farming clothes, the woman was wearing an antiquated Victorian garb comprised of a long dress and puff sleeved top. It had deep, vile red hair and the eyes of a hell-spawned succubus. Its lower face was drenched in carnage as blood poured from its open mouth. In its terrible, claw-like hand it held the exhumed heart of one of our friends! The woman spoke in a crude, sordid language interspersed with fragments of English. Apparently the villagers understood this bizarre dialect and, as beckoned, descended upon the three of us. The details of what happened next are not too clear to me; I was given a blow to the back of the head and I woke up sometime later in the midst of the apple orchard. Upon waking, I noticed I was lying on my back in the middle of a large symbol that had been etched into the ground. To either side of me, the fiends had restrained my friends and were mutilating their faces with aged carving knives and rusted cleavers. Their leader, the demon woman, was holding a heart aloft and chanting in some malevolent banshee language towards the sky. I gathered I was in the midst of some kind of ritual sacrifice, our bodies given in bloodied exchange for a plentiful crop (and very likely the same bodies and blood were going to be used for fertilizer). Though woozy, the sight of my buddies’ tortured, skinned faces blasted enough adrenaline to my nerves I was able to spring up quickly and dash back into the darkness of the forest. Whether I evaded them or they chose to let me go I will never know, but they did not re-capture me. I do not plan on finding out what their true motives were. So let this be a warning to you; it’s best to keep your distance from the foul backwoods.

Fashion that will tear your heart out (The tear your soul apart cliché was already taken by movie adaptations of Clive Barker novels).

• The slightly standoffish quasi-Victorian puff sleeves and corset laced back of the Black Diamond Dynasty #38-643 Victorian Jacket reflect your status as a cold, stern-faced yet charismatic creepy cannibal cult leader. While alternating shiny and matte black stripes and neckline trimmed with pleated ribbon flaunt its unabashedly feminine flourish. Leaving the term “heart stopper” open to interpretation more so than ever.
• The Black Diamond Dynasty 238-300-003 Mini Skirt easily holds its own, with those enticing peek-a-boo flashes of shimmering industrial netting sandwiched between layers of striped black PVC. Layering it over a lengthy, two-toned crinoline makes for an outfit twice as nice. The airiness of the cascading purposefully exposed underskirt, sporadically punctuated by a sudden flash of orange, adds dynamic movement, breaking up the dreary near head-to-toe blackness.Plus it’s hard to look at a multi-tiered orange and black flounced hemline petticoat and not think of decadently delicious edibles, such as pumpkin chocolate torte. Just writing about it brings on an uncontrollable craving for sweets. I suppose any garment with the power to cause inexplicable urge to eat your heart out whilst indulging in pastries and cupcakes is inherently ladylike.
• Strongly resembling the skeletal remains of a once robust wide brimmed hat, this unapologetically oversized spiderweb fascinator, can likely be seen from Google Earth. Sporting millinery this exaggerated in diameter, is somewhat akin to strapping a really, really glamorous satellite dish onto your head.
• Strategically mangled black “zombie” umbrella in lieu of typically frillier-than-thou gothy parasols.
• Within the context of a goth wardrobe, black PVC is, in essence, considered a “neutral”. And a great corset is the equivalent of those “Best Jeans for Your Butt” that women’s magazines devote countless articles to. Therefore, a truly well-crafted black PVC corset will carry you through just about any ensemble (from frou frou formal wear to Feindflug tees). Invest in the best and reap the benefits for years to come. That means NO $14.99 plastic boned lingerie “corsets” from Hong Kong based E-bay shops. The so-called plastic “boning” will bend as soon as you sit, yielding some rather unflattering results.

Retro Ripper

For detailed instructions regarding the construction of victory rolls please refer to El Chupacabra.

What I’ve learned about victory rolls in the past year:

• Hot rollers really ARE your friend.
• Freshly washed hair however is a dreaded foe. As is hair that is too greasy.
• Using the same brand of hairspray as select cast members of Jersey Shore will tame those unruly frizzies and flyaways. Hey, if that shit can cement their ridiculous blowouts in place as they Guido about in Seaside, then it will freeze your rolls in place as well.
• If you fuck up over and over and over again, placing a large flower in front of the less ahem…victorious roll will cover your shame. If the occasion (or your ensemble) allows for it, hiding the wonkier of the two rolls under a style appropriate hat will do the trick as well.

Lady is a Ghoul

The mistress of eerie-monies’ fervent desire to feast on precious your internal organs is reflected in the glint of her darkly iridescent, silvery black eyes and a mouth packing a generous dose of the macabre.

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer, Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake-free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores, and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation which best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (a full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer to neutralize the colour of your lids, which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Eyes

You will need:

Rounded edge brush, iridescent black eyeshadow, metallic silver pigment, ivory eyeshadow, fluffy shading brush, eyeliner brush, black mascara

1. With the help of a rounded edge brush, apply iridescent black eyeshadow to the outer 1/3 portion of your eyelid, starting at the lashline and extend it slightly past the crease. Repeat the process on the inner 1/3 portion of your eyelid. Leave the middle 1/3 of your eyelid bare. Clean your brush prior to undertaking the next step.
2. Fill in the middle 1/3 portion of your lid entire eyelid area with metallic silver pigment applied with a clean and slightly dampened rounded edge brush. Starting at the lashline, yet again extending the shadow slightly past the crease, taking care to blend into the edges of the black shadow you added in Step 1.
3. Highlight your browbone with ivory eyeshadow applied with a fluffy shading brush.
4. Dab a small amount of the same iridescent black eyeshadow you used in Step 1 onto an eyeliner brush. Line ¾ of your bottom lashline starting at the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner.
5. Use a hint of silver pigment to line the remaining ¼ of your bottom inner lashline in an identical manner.
6. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.

At the Mouth of Madness

I used the same technique previously outlined in Blood Harvest to apply a papier-mâché mask to the lower portion of my face and neck. I find that adding three-dimensional texture to my skin causes the fake blood to adhere better. Unlike the blood splattered chest you see in Blood Harvest, I opted to stipple shades of cadaverous grays mixed with petroleum jelly onto the dried mask, leaving out darker colors such as black and red. The latter would’ve given me too much of a burn victim look, which wasn’t what I was after in this instance. I would alternate between applying a mixture of 1/3 petroleum jelly and 2/3 paint onto my face with a medium sized paintbrush and adding a heavy coat of translucent powder until reaching the degree of corpse-like pallor my heart desired. The translucent powder also helped to blend the edges of the mask into my own skin.

Following almost an identical DIY blood formula* I posted in Blood Harvest, I cautiously added some gory finishing touches onto the raised parts of my papier-mâché masked face. Using the same medium sized paintbrush I used to apply the cadaver grey shade, I carefully painted my face and neck with small amounts of fake blood. I don’t recommend dousing yourself with the stuff if you plan on wearing something that you don’t want to ruin (like my Black Diamond Dynasty jacket).Since paintbrushes allow for a more controlled application, you run less of a risk of trashing your tops, and subsequently raising more than a few eyebrows the next time you drop off your dry cleaning. Naturally, I highly advise that you undertake this messy procedure wearing as little clothing as possible or at the very least whilst rockin’ something that once belonged to The Ex. Oh and don’t forget to always allow for ample drying time :)

*I omitted the oatmeal.

PS! Did you know that March 2011 marks the 3rd anniversary of yours truly blogging for the Lip Service webzine? Tis true. I authored my very first blog entry for Lippy in March of 2008.

Credits

Photography: Maura Housley

Model: Vanity Kills

Location: Martinsburg, West Virginia

<3

Vanity Kills

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The Birthday Girl

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Another birthday had come, and with it one more party to add to the list. We were at one of my favorite bars in the city; we being myself and a close-knit circle of good friends I’ve amassed over the years, those I truly felt close to. It was a moderately satisfying, if rather uneventful, night; the bar crowd was typical and the drinks were pleasantly mediocre. We were overdressed, of course, decked out in lavish flowing gowns and enormous hair more fit for a ballroom than a barstool. But this was a celebration and absolutely no time to conceal our love for the garish!

The venue was in full swing, but the lack of exciting dialogue was causing prime time to feel more akin to mime time. Something that would take the night from a blasé 4 to a riveting 8+ was in order. As if on cue, the dubious on-and-off love interest of my old college roommate decided to grace us with his typically “too cool for school” presence. He was an odd fellow, known for both his ironic Franz Ferdinand moustache and highly acclaimed work within the field of street pharmacy. He stepped forward to reveal that he had a blotter securely tucked away in the gargantuan Native American tribal chief ceremonial headdress perched atop his head. Not ones to normally partake in such rash activities (such as conversing with hipsters), we thought ill of the notion at first, but ultimately decided to throw reason on its head and see where this new development may lead us (possibly jail). There were three of us that decided to indulge and we each ingested our respective portion. For some time there was little impact beyond elevated adrenaline levels, but suddenly the world began to grow thin and long until a blackness corroded the lens of perception.

see full size in gallery below

After some time, as to the duration of which I could offer no educated guess, I became aware of myself once again. I was standing up, apparently the same as I had been at the bar but, in growing cognizant of my surroundings, I realized that I was somewhere quite apart from said city-dwelling tavern. There was simply what appeared to be a ramshackle, old dwelling floating solitarily in a void; nothing but amorphous darkness beyond the small bit of soil and several trees serving as the withering buildings’ meager estate. My options were few, and panic oddly suppressed, so I decided to see what lie within the crumbling edifice.

Not surprisingly, the interior matched the degeneration of the exterior; the walls were stripped of paint and paper, the floors were missing large sections and the ceilings were precariously cracked and splintering. There was dull light streaming in from an unforeseen angle which provided something of a conduit in navigating the inner sanctum of the structure. The bottom levels were all but uncharitable, so rather than tempt fate, I chose to ascend the staircase in the front room. Reaching the top of the stairs, I noticed that many of the upper rooms would nary accommodate a human body; however though, one particularly large empty room stood out among them as potentially habitable. With nowhere else to traverse, I ventured into this area.

Save for the bits of crumbled plaster and brick around the edges of the room, the floor was entirely bare. The walls had become uniformly blank with age, and the only things which stood out were a long abandoned fireplace and a rather dusty, ancient couch. This was strange enough, until, in a startling revelation, I noticed that some force or entity had posted a sizable HAPPY BIRTHDAY marquee along the back wall, and left a rather bulky cube-shaped present on the rustic couch. Both of these items lacked signs of age or length of stay. Normally, I would run from this uncanny scene, frightened out of my mind, but the effects of the drug and/or the blur of the dreamlike state caused in me an intense curiosity instead, and a distinct lack of fear. This was apparently to be my private astral party and I, as the guest of honor, should take care not miss it. I took my place on the dust-encrusted throne and proceeded to take the present into my lap. Across from me on the wall was a large rectangular mirror. As I stared at the reflected image of myself, I had the bizarre feeling of being watched, almost ethereally, as if the reflective glass was storing an image of me. Inquisitive, but un-phased, I resumed my duty of opening the sole present bequeathed to me by this inexplicable residence. I poised myself to grab the bow and tug it off, slowly removing the ribbon and peeling back the top of the container to peer inside…

I blinked my eyes, startled, as if abruptly awakening from a particularly gripping nightmare. I was sitting in my dimly lit living room, alone and empty handed. Unsure of what had just transpired, I resigned myself to bed and fell into a deep slumber almost immediately. Later, I would learn from my friends that I had left the bar on my own and none of them could find me and knew nothing of my whereabouts for the remainder of the evening. They speculated that I had caught a cab home straightaway and fallen asleep. That was an easy explanation, and I think that I should not tell them about the mystifying pictures I found the following day on the sofa in the room I awoke in. The pictures of me in my party dress, sitting on a strange, deeply aged couch in the middle of a barren, grimy room holding a large, pristine present in my lap…

see full size in gallery below

“The highest of all holidays in the Satanic religion is the date of one’s own birth. Every man is a god if he chooses to recognize himself as one. So, the Satanist celebrates his own birthday as the most important holiday of the year. Despite the fact that some of us may not have been wanted, or at least were not particularly planned, we’re glad, even if no one else is, that we’re here! You should give yourself a pat on the back, buy yourself whatever you want, treat yourself like the king (or god) that you are, and generally celebrate your birthday with as much pomp and ceremony as possible.”- Anton LaVey

Inspiration List: Estigmas (the Z-grade Spanish post-Apocalyptic fetishistic Nazi-sploitation film by Jose Bravo & J. Luis Martinez ), finding practical use for my extravagantly fancy Salon Du Pop ballgown, Hello Kitty children’s birthday thotchke, the delicious juxtaposition of gas masks worn with party dresses, sharing past experiences of fun with hallucinogens , abandoned buildings, turning 28 on January 22nd and celebrating my favorite Satanic Holiday of the year.

Whoever said that gas masks and glamour are mutually exclusive obviously hasn’t seen the bling encrusted and Louis Vuitton-logo-emblazoned conceptual “High Fashion Protection” pieces conceived by Diddo Velema. While Velema’s bizarre designer breathing apparatus appears to be a tongue-in-cheek reaction to “our collectively insatiable culture of consumption”, my own coupling of gas masks and ballgowns is completely devoid of any underlying political innuendo. It’s merely an ode to unconventional pairings of metallic frocks that would be most at home at a Martian senior prom, post-Apocalyptic survival gear, and playful child-like accessories.

Alas, sometimes our best laid plans (such as dropping acid in a haunted house) should remain confined to the realm of a controlled environment for sanity’s sake. The “Ominous Birthday Princess” getup looks simply darling at a photoshoot or a music video, and it will easily seize the imagination of any live audience member at a stage performance. However, certain fantasy-based stylistic statements won’t translate all that well in a club environment, mostly due to the fact that gas masks tend to be face-meltingly hot, and wearing one for an extended period of time without being overcome with the distinct feeling of drowning in your own perspiration can prove to be quite challenging. Unless you’ve got an actual sudden chemical warfare emergency on your hands and preventing toxic irritants from liquefying your eyes is your new number one priority, you’ll probably want to tear the fucking thing off in under an hour. And the sweaty aftermath? If you don’t mind oozing salty fluid out of every pore, go on and live out your dream of becoming the human sauna. But when your friends suddenly flee the scene to “wash their hair” or “call their grandma” at 1:00 am on Saturday night, well – don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Silver Belle

Vanity’s take on birthday girl glam:

• Salon Du Pop 14-71 “Marquise Gown” and matching 14-70 “Flaunt and Flattery Shrug“ in the silver/black colorway shimmer with the otherworldly inapproachability of a garb fit for an entity which exists solely outside of the common man’s perception of reality. The more LSD-laced tiki drinks one consumes, the greater their chance of catching a glimpse of her on the physical plane.
• Purple and black petticoat to further amp up the volume of the lavishly decorated Salon Du Pop Marquise Gown, adding considerably more “pomp and ceremony” to the party. Trust me, LaVey would’ve wanted it this way.
• To avoid getting mistaken for your own birthday cake, balance out the proportions of the billowing lace-trimmed sleeves of the shrug and the multi-layered floor length skirt with the addition of a black waist cincher. It will take the “foofy” quotient down a notch.
• Clinical trials have proven that 10 out of 10 times gas masks looked more legit/creepy/”industrial” than the respirators , dust masks and silly so called “surgical masks” that cyber kids can’t seem to live without. (Read my extended anti-respirator-as-fashion-accessory rant here)
• Purple sparkly Hello Kitty tiara
• ”Birthday Girl” award ribbon pin. Because I’m the guest of honor, bitches. And no force in the universe will stop me from obnoxiously announcing it with my attire.

Learn how to insert falls here.

A happy birthday to me(it’s this Saturday, so you still have a chance to get me something!) and to all a good night

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Credits

Photography: Bill Tracy Photography

Model:Vanity Kills

Location: Abandoned house in Montague, NJ

<3

Vanity Kills

For this fashion-crazed style blogger, 2010 was all about Giger-inspired prints, reach-for-the-sky strong shoulder accented silhouettes (Cyber Sniper, Das Bunker) and an excess of pinks (cotton candy, magenta, and neon-OH MY!)

As far as “the scene” is concerned, I believe pink became the new black sometime circa 1998, which not-so-oddly coincided with Marilyn Manson going through his Mechanical Animals phase. Outwardly ripping off David Bowie’s 70s glam-rock androgynous alien alter ego, Ziggy Stardust, seemed to produce an interesting trickledown effect. As if overnight, a new breed of “glam goth” surfaced, seemingly out of nowhere. You better believe that the very hordes of black-clad teens who’d scoff at the mere mention of pink just a month or so prior, declaring it unfit to wear for anyone who wasn’t a “prep”, started to sport fuchsia feather boas draped around their necks. The look was in no way complete without a heavy helping of good old-fashioned denial upon being questioned about the sudden change of heart (“Pink? I’ve been rocking that shit for years”). It goes without saying that just about every self professed “glam goth” would rather die than cite Marilyn Manson as a style influence. I know I’d publicly announce to anyone within earshot that “My look was heavily influenced by Switchblade Symphony” (Despite Switchblade Symphony’s signature ensembles being more “babydoll” than “glam”). Given the fact I’m turning 28 next month, it’s safe to say I am fully capable of looking back and finding endless amusement in the folly of my “gother-than-thou” youth. Oh, to be 16 again and think coupling pink with black was the ultimate fashion forefront.

“Glam Goths” came and went (it wasn’t long before the retina-hurting bright tribe of cybergoths filled the color void), Manson swelled with coke bloat, and yet the author’s love for this perky shade remained. Some things never change.

Nothing embodies the flamboyant essence of “glam goth” better than Nocturnal Rendezvous Ruffle Shrug in the black/magenta colorway. Princess-like puff sleeves, magenta PVC ruffles adorned with black lace overlay and ribbon detailing make for the most ultimate “Look-at-me-I’m-high-maintenance“ accompaniment to all those slinky New Year’s Eve Party gowns. Not exactly a garment built for comfort, but “glam goths” tend to attribute such things to those with more plebeian tastes. These vainglorious creatures are far more concerned with reeling in praise for their wardrobe choices :)

I love Space Age nostalgia. Yesterday’s tomorrow populated the collective minds of mid-century masses with visions of a high-tech utopia yet to materialize: Hover cars, colonizing the moon, traveling to far off galaxies and mating with hot space aliens. Not to mention the sex robots! Since NONE OF THIS will happen in my lifetime, I’ll have to settle for attiring myself in retro-futuristic pieces straight out of Judy Jetson’s closet, like this Cyber Sniper Skylab Zip Front Jacket in the black/neon pink colorway. Excuse me while my bubblegum hued pointy-shouldered jacket and I continue to long for “the future that never was”.

Adding a grimly dystopian touch to your casual get-ups without going full on Road Warrior is easier than you think. With their unmistakably Giger-esque flair, Erotomechanics Printed Leggings paired with a basic black or grey sweater dress make for a no-nonsense (yet still surprisingly high impact) day look.

Don’t let winter give you the cold shoulder! Stay stylishly warm indoors by layering the Erotomechanics Cropped Jacket over your favorite tank or tee. Swap your usual bulky sweatshirt for this sexy biomechanical wrapper and look just as hot watching Alien all cuddled up on the couch with your boy as you do tearing it up at the club when a good old school Hocico track comes on.

Action Shot:

My friend Lisa and I attired in our matching Erotomechanics Cropped Jackets at a Worms of the Earth show at Club Orpheus in Baltimore, MD. Since the photo is cut off at the waist, you can’t see that we wore matching Erotomechanics Printed Leggings and Oil Spill Skirts with Zip Front Garter and Pouch as well.

The Lolita Candy Snap Front Neck Collar in the black/pink colorway can really doll up an otherwise unnotable solid color button down, add a pinch of sweetness to a black lace blouse or freshen up a close-fitting spaghetti strap camisole. Or try it as a fun, fashionable alternative to a traditional scarf (though that’ll only work if your winters are more San Franciscan than Buffalonian).

Action Shot:

Photo by: Eye of Ra

I have made previous mention of indulging in mainstream fashion magazines on a rather regular basis. It’s no secret to consumers of women’s interest periodicals the content has the tendency to recycle itself fairly often. Statistically, there’s a very high probability of animal print being showcased in some form just about every year. Fishnet tends to make the rounds more infrequently, but it is known to make cyclical guest appearances every few seasons in fall fashion issues.

Let me note how much I do so love the borderline Puritan styling advice which usully accompanies either leopard print or fishnet (most glossy women’s rags hold the conviction only a lady who gets paid-by-the hour would dare to wear the two together) in the spreads featuring them. It’s always “For a classy take on this vixen staple, pair beige fishnets with long pants, leaving just a tiny flash of ‘netted ankle exposed” (thought this is fine advice for the corporate environment, but no fun for real life), “Fishnets and pumps are a surefire way to get mistaken for a streetwalker” and “To tone down the trampiness of leopard; limit the print to a sassy scarf or wild wrist candy coupled with understated separates in a neutral color palette”. I find it thoroughly hilarious.

I for one delight in the notion of taking trashy to the next level in my Lip Service Hosiery Leopard Fishnet Tights. Might even go the extra mile and don ‘em with my Trash Mini Skirt with Side Lacing and leopard print underbust corset. Rumor has it we tacky tramps have more fun ;)

I’m not going to tell you how incredibly exquisite the Blacklist Princess Tears Longsleeved Blouse is, because you can see it for yourself. What I will tell you is I spent an embarrassingly long amount of time trying to properly categorize the sleeves as either Juliet or Leg o’ Mutton. After my research left me with inconclusive data and a question still unanswered, I have determined them to be hybrid Leg o’ Juliet sleeves. Obviously coming up with a new and ridiculous classification used exclusively to identify parts of garments I don’t even own yet is the only way my brain will attain some semblance of peace, thus granting me the ability to successfully move on to other parts of this blog :)

Circuit City Zip Front Hooded Jacket in the black/neon green colorway turns synthesized glamour into an art form. The circuitry’s connotations of exposed android entrails, sexiness through artifice and strategically exposed flesh are all the things which initially attracted me to cybergoth nearly 10 years ago. Before it mutated into a hot rave mess. Personally, I’d forego the mask and goggles.

Will definitely pack this for my annual Kinetik pilgrimage.

Just because you’ve had the misfortune of spotting them on select overdramatic 14-year old Emilie Autumn fangirls (and no, I don’t get the hype around EA either), don’t be so quick to dismiss bloomers as a whole. Let it be known Lolita Candy Elastic Pants with Ribbon Trim in the black/pink colorway make for some seriously yummy sleepwear.

Sharp-peaked shoulder silhouette, epaulets and silver piping give the Das Bunker Cap Sleeve Top in the black/gun metal colorway a decidedly futuristic militant flavor. Matter of fact, I wore it out this past Saturday night and my boyfriend pointed out my shirt was reminiscent of something “space police” would wear. Space police? I’ll RSVP to THAT party :)

I think I’m gonna need a fabulous black military wedge hat with reflective piping accents to complete the outfit.

And this concludes my personal Top 10 of 2010. I don’t know about you, but I’m already itching to see what Spring, Summer, Fall, and Holiday 2011 have to offer!

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Vanity Kills

Since its inception in 2009, Lethal Style has certainly seen more than a fair share of slasher stories paired with The Orginal Cult’s most killer threads. After all, the very name of this style blog basically spells it out for the readers. Over the past year, the characters you’ve read about here disposed of clueless club kids in Cellar Heat, bathed in model blood in Hotel Bathory, and put some rednecks on the business end of a hook in The Reaper. With the occasional shrunken head, chupacabra, and bear on PCP aboard an airplane thrown in the mix for good measure.

I’m thankful for my Lippy webmasters Mich and Jim for giving me the opportunity to flesh out all the crazy ideas spawned within the bowels of my “that bitch ain’t right” imagination. I’m thankful for Dan, my boyfriend, who mostly took over the fiction writing, so I could focus my ADD riddled brain on the meat of the matter — styling and long-winded fashion rants. I’m thankful for each and every photographer who helped to bring my twisted/hilarious/just plain bizarre visions to life. I’m thankful for the friends who became willing victims for my cause (a.k.a. guest models) and for every faithful assistant comrade who carried lights from the photographer’s vehicle onto location. Last but not least, I’m certainly thankful for a certain Los Angeles based clothing retailer, whose gear made all these sartorial shenanigans possible.

I dedicate November’s cornfield-n-machete splatterfest to you all.

Story by Dan Barrett.

The farm was just as it had appeared in the pictures. Fairly dilapidated and half eaten by weeds & rust, but still manageable as living quarters. It was a far cry from the place I remembered as a child, but it should be sufficient. After years of slogging away in office buildings in the city; filing papers, sending faxes, completing menial database consolidation, and ultimately realizing that nearly every waking moment was spent being a slave to our continuously evolving technology, I decided the only way for me to properly continue living was to escape it all. So, I sold my apartment in the midst of the metropolis and sought to buy the farmland my family had owned when I was born. Though the place had been in the family for generations, it had stopped being a useful source of revenue in the days of my early youth and consequently was sold so we could move to an urban area, where better-paying jobs flourished. There I had remained for the better part of eighteen years, learning the ways of the populous and becoming ingrained in the fast-paced society, learning to live and die by the clock. I had succeeded by the criteria of that world, but success did little to lead me from despair. And so, here I was at last, reclaiming the soil of my hard-working forefathers.

The place was highly removed from the population I had known; it was nearly an hour to a city of any notable size, and an impressive twenty minutes outside of what could generously be called a town. The roads leading to it were hardly even paved. It was a good, fortress-like, abode constructed not with outward splendor, but solely with functionality; combined with the beauty of the un-tread earth and nearby deciduous forests, it was the ideal haven for a deserter of society.

It took me only a matter of days to clean up the house enough to comfortably reside there. The place was mostly abandoned, and needed a number of repairs to be restored to basic functioning living quarters. I survived on sustenance I had bought in town while I worked to uncover the long dormant fields. All of them were long deceased and entombed by weed and rock. All, that is, except for one area. There was a cornfield which seemed to have, oddly, been kept up through the years. It was mid autumn, mere days before Thanksgiving, and the corn stalks were a brownish golden hue, in the final stages of decay, but it was clear this field had not been left to perish like the other plots. It was bizarre, but I deduced a rational explanation for it in my head. Despite my lineage, I knew very little about crop growing, so I chalked it up to some form of seed that replenishes itself yearly with little additional maintenance. If only I had been right…

For a while, the days and nights were generally uneventful. I worked on planting seeds when I could; I was hoping to figure out the art of pumpkin growing for the holidays. After dark I sometimes heard strange rustling coming from corn, but I inferred the cause was simply wind, birds, or perhaps ground-dwelling mammals, such as moles or rabbits, and dismissed it. One day, a few weeks after moving into the farmhouse, I was walking through the cornfield to understand its true breadth and depth. After a couple minutes of wandering betwixt this seemingly endless sea of rotten stalks and leaves, I came upon an extraordinary opening where the corn seemed to have been trampled, perhaps not unlike a crop circle! I could not fathom the necessity of such a thing. Unfortunately, my pondering was halted suddenly by what sounded like the crunch of heavy footsteps over the debris. I gradually turned counter clockwise and saw them close in around me. There were several, perhaps eight of them in total. Peculiar and deformed folk, they were wearing raggedy clothing and smelling rank, like old carrion fermented in mud. Some were carrying rusted weapons, and some just had horrible hook-like fingers. I hadn’t heard any reports of crazed mountain folk in this area but, then again, people HAD been quite reluctant to talk about why no one resided on the farm, nor why it had been so cheap. The things seemed to be oblvious to common language, and spoke sporadically in gruff, harsh tones resembling no language with which I was familiar. They closed in around me until escape was beyond hope. At that point a woman, who appeared to be their commander, appeared from the veil of obsolete vegetation. This being was more put together than the rest of them, many times over; it wore all black with stockings and terrifying heeled shoes. It had some sort of torture or suffocation device on its face, wild red hair and brandished a machete. It motioned to the group, at which point they barreled inward toward me and I was rapidly seized. My senses were gone from me for what I had hoped was only a short while, but of that I cannot be certain. When I awoke, there was only blackness around me. Though I could only feel its cold, slimy innards, the group had prepared me for some sort of archaic ritual by crudely grafting a pumpkin onto my head. They had used an unknown heat source to melt the flesh around my shoulders and neck, somewhat effectively binding it to the pumpkin’s outer husk. They had also burned my chest into an unrecognizable pool of blood and dripping gore. I felt nothing but smoldering pain and choking abysmal darkness in my new head. I screamed, steeped in agony, but the sound was deeply muffled and did little beyond causing painful reverberations. My body was being held down by an unseen force and there was little chance of fleeing or responsive action. Much to my chagrin, the ritual required my face also be butchered. I came to this epiphany when I saw thin slits of light appear in what had been my solid black mask. They were identifying the eye holes and, soon after, the knife came down full force on my face. The little I saw past that was marinated in sticky fluid red. She continued to cut up both of my faces, letting my blood leak through onto the pumpkin, running down its length and dripping onto the soil below. Through the pain I could hear them, distantly, chanting. I understood now. This group of miscreants was sitting down for Thanksgiving, and this was their opening prayer. They were giving thanks to the earth for providing for them and offering up a blood sacrifice as proof of their recognition. Perhaps it was due to my delusional state, but I swore I could hear the cawing of turkeys as they paraded around the area. After I had exsanguinated, my body was left, half buried, on the field; it was to provide the nutrients and life to the following year’s crop. Next to my stiffened corpse they left a plate of turkey, mashed potatoes and a husk of corn.

Psychos n’ Pumpkins

Inspiration list: Bad holiday themed 80’s slasher flicks, modern Z-grade Thanksgiving-themed horror centering around animatronic killer turkeys (seriously, check out Thankskilling), Suicide Commando’s music and Johan’s perennial fascination with the black shirt/red tie combo, creepy cornfields, autumn, mass murderers in impractical, alas fashionable, apparel (not an uncommon theme here at Lethal Style), GORE (I just can’t get enough), the backwoods cannibal redneck horror subgenre and over-the-mouth neck corsets.

In a fucked-up nutshell, it is the dysfunctional marriage of a psychotic machete-wielding hick and a well-dressed quasi-fetish-esque female Patrick Bateman (minus the yuppie bullshit). Set in NJ’s finest cornfields to the tune of Suicide Commando’s Construct/Destruct. All wrapped in a pretty package of seasonal blood and guts. Happy Holidays to you too ;)

Never underestimate the power of basics: a well fitted dress shirt (such as the New Model Army LS Insignia Military Shirt, your soon-to-be wear-to-death favorite), a trusty pencil skirt and a pair of “I-can’t-possibly-fuck-my-outfit-up-by-wearing-these” opaque black tights.

Stressin’ about lookin’ like a spinster bankteller? Supplement with shoes which show blatant disregard for comfort of any kind and neckwear which eliminates all notions of subtlety.

Indeed, life is vastly improved by footwear equipped with a heel and platform which closely resemble a marvel of modern architecture. Crossing the street is no longer something you do on auto pilot. In these shoes, it’s an adventure.

Note: If you plan on wearing them in an actual cornfield, I hope you have some damn good health insurance. If you don’t, then marry someone that does. While they’re not quite the McQueen Armadillo 12 inchers, strapping these on with the purpose of trespassing about a stranger’s cornfield with the intent of taking spooky photos in mind will hurt you just the same. In that aspect, cornfields are the great equalizer. Outside the realm of agricultural acreage, I feel like the world is mine for the taking when parading about town in these sexy hunks of metal. It also makes me wish I had seen day shift strippers from Iowa throw these at each other on Jerry Springer.

This time of year, we’re urged to express our thankfulness to Jesus, our fucked up families, and some other wholesome-sounding shit totally unrelated to your ancestors killing off Indians. I find it to be a slippery slope, since Jesus wants me to be nice to people I don’t like and my family drives me to drink. Perhaps, if you dissolve some Valium in a double vodka cranberry-tini, thanking the aforementioned parties will start sounding more plausible, alas; until then, I’m gonna go ahead and give praise to my true God: The Almighty Corset. It has this magical ability to nip the middle just right, assist a girl in the waist-to-hip ratio department, and create a magnificent rack out of seemingly thin air. I show my gratitude by wearing these Godsend garments year ’round just about everywhere I go. Overindulged in Aunt Ruth’s stuffing and pecan pie? The boning and strings will absolve you from guilt, my child. And spare you from being mistaken for a balloon in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.

Tie the whole ensemble together (see what I did there) with a zero budget accessory “borrowed” from your boyfriend (or brother’s) closet.

Celebrate carnage with bloodstained latex gloves.

While I hate to state the obvious, go for disposable examination gloves. You’ll hate yourself forever if you fuck up a cute fingerless bow adorned pair you paid like $65 for on the Internets. It’s a “use once and destroy” kind of deal here, folks.

On the style evolutionary scale, over-the-mouth neck corsets zoom past the dust masks and respirators cyber kids love so fucking much at light speeds. Leaving the dust masks where they belong: in a plastic bag hanging off a peg at the Dollar Tree. You see, neck corsets are considered to be bona fide clothing. Granted, they’re classed as “fetishwear” and can double as a punitive device within BDSM circles, but there’s still no mistaking them for home improvement attire. No matter how many spikes one hot glues onto a respirator, they still manage to look like they’re gearing up to paint a house. Sadly, looks like Ext1ze missed the memo (if you don’t get that reference consider yourself, very very lucky).

Earlier today I had a dentist hovering over me while sporting a light blue dust mask. Presumably it served to protect his face from the delicious mixture composed primarily of cement, tooth and blood spraying out of my mouth. While I do consider people of this profession to be sadistic and predatory by nature, not once did I think he looked like a cool, evil cyborg from the future. You don’t look like one either. And that, my friend, is why I’m on Team Neck Corset. Clearly the winning team.

Bonus points: You’re free from the tedious process of re-applying your lipstick all night long.

Bonus points: The Redux: That 60 year old dude, whose rockstar dreams haven’t given up the ghost yet, won’t drone on to you about his go nowhere band that plays synthpop covers of shit that was popular before you were born. Your selective mutism ploy will finally work!

Warning: You’ll be forced to find new and creative ways to get plastered. But as they say: If there’s a will, there’s a way!

For a family friendly, Thanksgiving-dinner-appropriate take on the getup pictured above:

• Stick with the shirt, skirt and tights.
• Remove shoes, falls, both corsets, bloody gloves.
• Pair with a plain black vest.
• Keep the tie! It will easily camouflage the pyramid stud buttons.
• Dust off those black 2” heels you usually save for job interviews. Surely you must have pair within the recesses of your closet.
• Don’t be so quick to put away that machete. You never know when your batshit crazy uncle will get into the scotch and start waxing poetic about all the sexy things he’d like to do to Sarah Palin over dessert.

Your relatives should be used to you wearing all this black by now.

I’ve discussed the fine art of dreadfall insertion on many occasions. This was one of them.

Guts n’ Gourds

Nothing warms the cockles of one’s bloodthirsty heart quite like torture and depravity, eh?

Here’s how I made a mess out of Dan.

Texture (looks great for burn victims too).

You Will Need:

Two ply toilet paper, Liquid latex(or school glue if you’re poor like me after spending a hell lot of money at the dentist), Petroleum jelly, Paint brushes, Red/black acrylic paint.

1. Rip toilet paper into individual squares.
2. Cover the back with adhesive of choice.
3. Adhere to desired area of exposed skin.
4. Cover the top layer of the TP with latex or school glue.
5. Repeat until the area you wish to cover resembles a toilet paper mummy. Note: Don’t leave any gaps between the bathroom tissue squares. Overlapping is key.
6. Keep busy until that shit dries. It usually takes between 30 to 45 minutes.
7. Create a mixture of 1/3 petroleum jelly 2/3 paint. Use dark colors like black/red/maroon etcetera.
8. Using a medium sized paintbrush, stipple the paint/petroleum jelly concoction onto your toilet paper mache masterpiece.

Assorted Viscera

You Will Need:

Oatmeal, red food coloring, corn starch, corn syrup, water

Combine one tablespoon of cornstarch, 2 teaspoons of water, 6 drops of red food coloring, half a teaspoon of corn syrup in a decently sized mixing bowl. Add as little or as much oatmeal as you want, since that’s the magical ingredient responsible for creating the curdled blood/clumps of ickiness effect. Apply liberally.

Fun Fact: The pumpkin on Dan’s head weighed 35 pounds.

Credits:

Photography: Bill Tracy Photography

Female Model: Vanity Kills

Male Model: Dan Barrett

Location: Coyote infested cornfield in Montague, NJ.

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Vanity Kills

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Tonight’s schlock-tastic creature feature was brought to you by my spiky haired co-conspirator Dan Barrett.

There is a pretty well-known legend around these parts. You’re reading this so I guess you probably want to know what it is. Well, it ain’t so much a legend as it is a happening, but we likes to call it a legend so as to not scare the tourist folk.

It all started a year ago when a few goats went missing from the Peterson farm. We thought it was nothing, some stray coyotes or what have you, but then more livestock started disappearing. Six months passed and two dozen farms had been hit by this, uh, “epidemic” as some might put it. It had the whole town befuddled until one day, when a goat’s body turned up. Six months of nothin’ and then a damn dead goat out of nowhere?

That’s pretty darn odd.

And to make things weirder, there were no signs of foul play, save for a small hole in the neck. None of us had ever seen anything like it. But slowly, more and more animal carcasses were found, and they all bore the same mark. The body was perfectly intact, except for that one tiny puncture. It was all pretty freaky-deaky until some travelers from Puerto Rico came to town some weeks later and told us about a monster they had encountered down their way: the Chupacaba.

Now, they tell me the name literally means “goat sucker” and I guess that makes sense. This thing evidently just sucked the goddamned life right out of our goats. Anywho, they also told us, according to their legends of the Chupacabra, it has two small arms with a three-fingered clawed hand on each, two strong, almost reptilian, hind legs, again with claws, and quills down its back, which it uses to fly. Its head is oval in shape, similar to one of them “grey aliens”, with terrifying protruding red eyes and an elongated jaw. They informed us the way the Chupacabra kills is with a long telescopic device protruding from its fangs, and this makes a perfectly round puncture wound in the victim…

We all agreed the killin’ part hit close to home, but I’ll be damned if that first demon-looking part didn’t sounds a little wonky. And no one in town would have believed a word of it either; that is, until old Mrs. Perkins saw the thing. Mrs. Perkins is old, go figur’, and rumored to be in the early stages of senility (No real debate there, if you ask me, but I guess you didn’t.) but she swears up and down to all things holy she saw the exact creature the tourists described, more or less. Except she declared it had the head of a woman, with blood red hair and long fangs (Uh, like I said, senile). She said it snatched one of her billy goats in its talon-like clawed feet and flew off into the trees when she chased it away with her broom. For the most part, we simple folk believed her; her not being one to lie and all.

So, the other day, we decided we wanted to catch this varmint once and for all. We did what any gun-toting, god-fearing people would do: we planned a stake-out at the ol’ Perkins farm. We herded most of the town’s collection of goats and miscellaneous four-legged creatures that produce meat to the field behind her barn and, for several nights, had groups of us waiting around the edge of the place, in different locations, with pitchforks and cages, waiting for the beast to show its telltale hell-spawned red eyes.

On the third night, the fiend finally materialized. It swooped down out of the shadows like a demonic bat from hell (you seen that Meatloaf cover? JUST LIKE THAT, and I swear it on my name), eyes of fire gazing out of its pale skull. It hungered for warm flesh, but on this night it would not have it; the trap was already set. At the sound of the whistle, we exploded from our stations, a furious mob whose goal was to seek vengeance for the dead. The creature fled in haste back through the woods, and we proceeded to give chase on foot. My two companions and I held our pitchforks to the sky as we hunted it; some of the other men had lit torches to provide light and to extend a charring welcome to the beast, should they be the first to meet it.

We remained in pursuit for perhaps a half-mile before the thing was finally cornered in an opening in the woods. The ‘cabra was fierce, and it bore its glistening fangs as we kept it at bay with our array of sharp sticks and tools. It was a terrible beast indeed, and the description given to us by the unsavory travelers was somewhat accurate. It had a dark, almost reptilian appearance, but oddly its head and face were similar to that of an eastern European woman, but with giant, rounded horns atop it. But let me tell you, those incisors and opticals were straight out of a damn Dracula novel. As bizarre as it seemed to any of us, we collectively realized that this was an honest to god, real life chupacabra and not just one of them coyotes with advanced stages of mange!

We had to catch it so we could sell it to science and get some money for beer and guns. When cornered, the thing seemed to almost be afraid of humans, and it didn’t attack us freely as it did with the sheep and goats. Maybe the smell of our hillbilly blood was too foul, or too full of moonshine. In any case, one of the boys threw a stone at the sucker and it started screechin’ and becoming violent. It picked up a fallen stick and started slashing at anything in its path. It knocked Jimmy to the wayside and clocked Roger real good; he started bleeding from a gash near his receded hairline. The creature evidently got a whiff of that, and descended upon him, tearing away the remainder of his face. The group was so taken aback we let down our guard just long enough for the monstrosity to scamper off into the abyssal shadows of the nighttime forest.

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We really shouldn’t have let our defense flounder. The attacks on livestock have since diminished, but have not entirely ceased. And the worst part is now, every few days someone goes missing. It seems the creature developed a taste for human blood on that night. May god help us the next time we come face to face with THE CHUPACABRA

September’s installment of Lethal Style celebrates the three Cs: cheese, camp and cleavage! Also to a lesser extent, the curious case of the chupacabra!

The phrase of the day is tongue-in-cheek. It’s used to describe all the blood boilin’, flesh crawlin’, spine tinglin’, spooky kitsch world of horror hosts. Sitting on their Victorian velvet couches, playing with severed heads in a laboratory, and rising out of their cardboard coffins, they were as “gravely disordered” as the mid-century terror flicks they showcased. Most often starring reptiles and insects mutated to gargantuan proportions, thanks to science gone haywire, running amok in the streets. All in fiendishly good fun with a heavy emphasis on camp. Double entendres and tight fighting garments were commonplace for the female hosts, while it was bad puns and pseudo Transylvanian accents and/or mad scientist jargon for the gents.

Vampira set the standard for female horror show hosts with her post-mortem pinup flair. Soon, many would follow in her ghastly footsteps, though none would reach the same commercial success Vampira did. At least not until Elvira made her mark on the entertainment industry as “Mistress of the Dark” in the 1980’s. She’d often display her assets in a manner naysayers could easily classify as vulgar. Alas, the negative connotations related to overtly sexualized female flesh were disarmed with one liners and smart ass over-the-top black humor.

This month we embrace our corny joke crackin’, low cut dress wearin’, B-movie obsessed alter egos named Ghoulia and Kat Aver. We ain’t got shit to prove to the world, because only assholes insecure with their own chosen identity take themselves too seriously. And allow me to take this moment to offer up some of the most immature, but probably empowering, fashion advice ever: Haters gonna hate, it’s their job! So disregard the bullshit and behold the power of cheese.

Plus, those that are honest to “God” true cheeseballs are never this self aware. If you don’t have the ability to laugh at yourself, worry not, everyone else is already doing it for you.

Exhibit A

The guy who wears a claw ring on each finger, a fedora on his head and sports a skull in a jester hat tattoo on his arm. Also owns various permutations of the Three Wolf Moon shirt, not because he really loved that Internet meme and wants to be “ironic” for the sake of sharing a chuckle with his fellow Internet culture obsessed nerd friends. No, he’s an “otherkin” and possesses the soul of a wolf trapped in a human body. You’ll often see him busting his best “come hither” pelvic thrusts when Combichrist’s “This Shit Will Fuck You Up” packs the dancefloor with people that, yet again, don’t know any better. And yes, he always goes home alone. But not before he asks if you want to come over and see his knife collection, while spilling his $3 well drink down your blouse. There are at least 5 in every club.

But Exhibit A will never have the sense to be introspective enough to look inside himself and lighten the fuck up, because he’s a fucking wolf….mmmmkay. And by “wolf” I mean joke. So I guess, what I wanted to say (though apparently I am unable to in under 1,000 words) you can learn to take a joke or become a joke.

And therein lies the difference between “good cheese”(usually of the retro-nostalgia variety) and rotten stinky cheese (usually of the outside of B-movie context trans-specied wolf variety, trying to talk to you about Battlestar Galactica as you’re trying to order a goddamn vodka cranberry).

Stylin’ it up like a late night creature feature hostess ain’t about tryin’ to make tattered spiderweb lace something it’s clearly not (dainty, ladylike or in good taste); it’s about embracing the graveyard trash in you.

So are you ready for some of Lippy’s finest ghoulish garments?

Is that a resounding FUCK YES that I hear?

The 26-119 Webutane Returns Full Length Dress with its open shoulders, dramatic swallowtail sleeves and lace up sides is perfect for slinking down shadowy corridors, candelabra in hand. As a matter of-fact, it could be easily mistaken for a piece straight out of Vampira’s closet.

Your posture and your drinks should be both STIFF! If you’ve caught a glimpse of Vampira’s iconic walk in Plan 9 from Outer Space, you’ll see just what kind of an entrance a rigid stance can make. A posture collar helps to keep your chin up high and neck extended, which pretty much forces you to move like a really elegant corpse. I make it sound enticing, don’t I?

While it might be physically impossible to replicate Vampira’s inhumanly tiny waist, I always have to make a case for corsets. They’re just so “dreary ghoul” (that’s uh, “very cool” in cheesy horror host speak). Did I reach my deliciously bad pun quota yet?

Devil Doll ‘Do

When attiring thyself in a face framing, feathered neck corset, there’s only one place for hair to go. And that’s up. Victory rolls immediately sprung to mind, since this particular retro do is vaguely reminiscent of devil horns by design. And so I deemed such a hairstyle charmingly appropriate for a monster-centric tale. The instructions below are reprinted with permission from Miss Meagan Kyla, my favorite glamour ghoul, Auxiliary Magazine fashion stylist, hat-maker extraordinaire and of course dear friend. She wrote the tutorial on rolls much better than I ever could. I used to force her to do my hair at gunpoint in such a way when we lived across the street from each other in Buffalo, NY. I thought that only her words would do this edition of Lethal Style justice.

You will need:

• Hot rollers -Will give your rolls their proper height and curl. The roundness of the top curls shape the hairstyles and defines the rolls. Meagan recommends hot roller sets that have several sizes of rollers.
• Curl boosting spray- When sprayed onto dry hair, it helps to hold the curls and give them a shiny finish. This product should be lightly sprayed onto the hair before the hot rollers are used. Doing so will protect your hair and give your hairstyle hours of hold.
• Bobby pins- Choosing pins closest to your hair color is preferable. They will be used to secure the rolls on top of your hair and may be visible from certain, odd angles. “Hiding the pins will become an art form with this hairstyle”- says Meagan.
• Hair Spray- Will be used to finish the styling and help smooth fly-away hairs.
• Accessories (optional)-I opted to forego my usually beloved hair flowers, bows and clips, since I chose to wear rather busy neck décor. I might have a soft spot for selective tackiness, but I ain’t tryin’ to look like a damn Christmas tree either.

Note: To get the hair off the back of your neck, try a French Twist.

The Girl Behind the Monsters

Paying homage to great horror hosts of the past certainly doesn’t mean copying them to a T. Plus, the only person I’ve seen get away with Vampira’s super strong, super arched eyebrows was Vampira. Amen!

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer, Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake-free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores, and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation which best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (a full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer to neutralize the colour of your lids, which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Eyes

The application technique is identical to August’s Victorian mourning inspired piece Plague Widow albeit presented here in a more autumn appropriate palette of muted gold and lush cranberry.

You will need:

Rounded edge brush, frosted gold eyeshadow, eyeliner brush, chocolate brown eyeshadow, small blending brush, cranberry eyeshadow, small fluffy brush, ivory eyshadow, black eyeliner, black mascara (or falsies)

1. Using a rounded edge brush, apply a frosted gold (you want a shade reminiscent of antique gold rather than in your face BLING BLING gold) eyeshadow across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
2. Dab a tiny amount of chocolate brown eyeshadow onto your eyeliner brush and draw a line which follows the natural crease of your eye. Making the line as straight and precise as you can is key! Using the same brush, blend the color outward. This technique is called cutting the crease.
3. With the help of a small blending brush, blend cranberry eyeshadow up and outwards. Make sure to blend the cranberry into the chocolate brown you added to your crease in Step #2 to avoid harsh lines.
4. Highlight your browbone by sweeping some ivory shadow directly under your eyebrows with the help of a small fluffy brush.
5. Line your bottom lid, starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with black kohl eyeliner. Most of the color should be concentrated in the outer corner. I find it’s easiest to put on eyeliner after eyeshadow and before mascara.
6. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara. You can add falsies if you feel light paying an extra tribute to Elvira and Vampira’s “creepy peepers”. To do so: Add adhesive to the back of the eyelash strip. Grab a false eyelash with a pair of tweezers and adhere to the outermost part of your eyelids, keeping them as close to your own lashline as possible. You know that they’re in the right place when they’re sitting right on top of your natural lashes. Gently hold them down in place with your finger for about 30 seconds or so until the glue dries.

Cheeks

Vampira’s naturally razor-sharp Scandinavian cheekbones were as barren as a freshly dug grave. Contrary to her pallid predecessor, Elvira did not shy away from bold 80s reddish-fuchsia blush. And your very own ghostess with the mostest, Vanity Kills, prefers a barely there light flush. As if she hardly had any heart beat at all.

You will need:

Apricot blush, blush brush

1. Place a small amount of apricot blush on your blush brush and gently swipe blush starting at the apples of your cheeks up towards your temples. Blend, blend, blend!

Lips

Lips take a backseat as the lids, hair and neckwear hog all the glory and attention.

You will need:

Flesh-toned lipliner, Pinky-peach lipgloss

1. Use a flesh-toned lipliner to fill in your lips, starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners. Otherwise your lipgloss will run like Lindsay Lohan from a drug test.
2. Finish off with a generous coat of pinky-peach lipgloss. Beginning in the center of your upper lip, gently press the gloss wand into the flesh of your lip and then proceed to roll it over the entire top lip area, working toward the edges. Repeat the process on your bottom lip. Remove any excess product by placing a finger in your mouth, closing your lips around it and then removing the aforementioned finger.

Credits :

Photography: Zach Rose

Model:”Your Ghostly Hostess”/”El Chupacabra”: Vanity Kills

Shot on location in Difficult Run, VA and my apartment in Washington, DC

<3

Vanity Kills

see full size in gallery below

The Plague Widow

Story by Dan Barrett who shares my love of woodcuts, dark ambient, cathedrals and “evil stuff.

NOTE: This story is best accompanied by the music of Raison d’etre. Or something “sad and evil”.

Oro supplex et acclinis, I meekly and humbly pray,

Cor contritum quasi cinis: my heart is as crushed as the ashes:

Gere curam mei finis. perform the healing of mine end.

The somber cerulean abyss of night rose to veil the dying bouquet of oranges and reds painted in the twilight sky. The last drops of the day’s storm were lightly dancing atop dark puddles, shadowed by the massive archway overhead. The cathedral towers stretched high above, piercing the gathered clusters of fog, toward unseen heavens. In the most distant and obscured spire, the bells slowly rang out seven dissonant chimes to sullenly acknowledge the hour. The ringing was to fall on my ears alone. In withered hands I carried the remembrance wreath of violet stargazer lilies. From deep within the abandoned walls of the grand edifice I could hear, in infinite faintness, the ghost choirs on the breath of the wind. From the steps I gazed out into the vast, crumbling cemetery where my village now slept.

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Three years ago, the black plague ravished my town, crippling and debilitating its denizens. After days, or even weeks, of agonizing suffering, the body would eventually expire. My children, my husband, and my acquaintances all perished that autumn. Everyone I had ever known had been obliterated in the course of a single season. Now, I was the town’s widow, eternally damned to unrequited mourning. I was left, each day, to dress the headstones of the children with memorial wreaths and utter hymns directing the wandering souls to solitude and salvation, to stroll the mausoleum of my deceased community, offering quiet prayers of bereavement. I am a specter who walks among deserted ruins and clandestine ghosts on this lost highway with no end. For I was the first victim of the plague and my desolation is that of death. And so, I am cursed in this nonexistence to never again be with the ones I loved.

Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine :
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
In memoria æterna erit iustus,
ab auditione mala non timebit.

Turning something like “The Great Pestilence” into a fashion statement is, in this humble (ahem…) blogger’s opinion, the very essence of goth. Okay, maybe not modern PC goth, where people get up in arms about everything under the fucking sun. I got into it because I like “evil stuff”. No, this is not up for discussion.

However…

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We’re sort of going to skip all those super creepy plague doctor bird masks (did I mention how creepy I think those fucking things are?), smelly rags, and gangrene-inspired makeup in favor of loosely Victorian influenced styles. Because those Victorians had mourning down to a science.

Is my take on it not OG enough for you? Looking for something with a little more authentic 14th century diseased European peasant flair to it? Then by all means, please DO stop bathing, attack a potato sack with scissors and start wearing THAT everywhere you go. The debilitating illnesses will follow naturally. Oh, wait; we don’t do panhandling-by-choice “crust punk” around here. I forgot.

Inspiration list: Woodcuts, bubonic plague, dark ambient, Catholic fetishization of pain, sadness, the National Cathedral in DC, Gregorian monk chants, my sick obsession with building an outfit around that black and white skirt.

But especially dark ambient.

With that out of the way, ladies, may I have your attention please…

Ruffled shirts lend the appearance of having a more voluminous chest area.

Added benefit aside, the Blacklist Core #49-237 Long Sleeved Ruffle Dress Shirt in the blood colorway is one of the most ultimate layering staples a goth girl can have in her ever expanding closet. Pair with a black underbust to get that effortlessly put together look in literally, a cinch. Oh and it also

• Sweetens up a business suit (although you’ll want to tuck it into your pants).
• Takes the school marm/food service worker factor out of a basic black vest.
• Looks simply striking with a well tailored simple black blazer.
• Puts the FUN back in funeral.

Show your ribcage without sacrificing tasty noms for the rest of your life with a medically inspired cameo underbust. I’m 100% okay with wanting to look mortally ill. But I’m not down with keeping it real enough to actually get there.

All the X-ray corset action not giving you any sartorial mourning wood? Try this adorable lacy number from the eerily appropriately named Victorian Mourning line in the black colorway.

Creeped out by the mere thought of sportin’ some post-mortem locks attached to a jet brooch much like our Victorian friends did? In that case my squeamish comrade, it seems like a lone black silk flower pinned against your throat might just be more up your alley.

Pay penance to the fashion gods (or 80s Madonna) by accessorizing with a rosary, if you wish. I quit Christianity somewhere in the neighborhood of age 10, but can’t help but be drawn to all the trappings of Roman Catholicism (that I didn’t care about as a kid). It’s so full of anguish, misery, martyrdom and torture. And Catholics totally win at architecture. AND I FUCKING LOVE MUSIC THAT IS MOSTLY MADE UP OF LATIN REQUIEMS AND GREGORIAN MONK CHANTS!

Oh and you’re not TRULY IN THE THROES OF AGONY, until you hide behind a long black veil. It’s all about showcasing your sadness in the most flamboyant manner imaginable. Still confused? Study Robert Smith‘s every move. Only then will you posses the ability to mope with the best of them.

The time of Tim Burton being a relevant, edgy and innovative movie director may have come and gone, but those black and white vertical stripes are here to stay. Not to say that Tim Burton like, invented that shit, because clearly he did not, but I’ll be damned if I don’t call black and white vertical stripes, “Tim Burton stripes”. Long story short , this darkly romantic Victorian bustle skirt vaguely reminiscent of one of Christina Ricci’s party dresses in Sleepy Hollow adds instant sophistication to almost any get-up. Regardless of what crap old Timmy churns out next.

Conquering Coral (that’s right, kids it ain’t just for yo’ gran’ma Tilly anymore)

When I say “coral”, what’s the first thing that pops into your head? Perhaps the shade of paint one would use to spruce up the walls of a Floridian retirement home? An “edgy” hue of nail polish the 55+ set can rock on their toes while vacationing in Myrtle Beach? Makeup advice plucked directly from the pages of some yawn inducing blander-than-a-Michael Bolton-concert mainstream fashion magazine? Cause, yeah, that’s kind of what I think of. In many instances, yes, it IS the elevator music equivalent of the color world. Alas, an unexpected burst of coral offsets the tried and true smoky eye (favored by Goths AND porn stars worldwide) in a way which flatters both light and dark skin tones. It ensures that mournful “Oh the suffering…the torment……the unbearable pain” gaze you’ve been practicing in front of the mirror so diligently doesn’t go unnoticed under those layers of tulle obscuring your face. And hey, in case you do fuck up, you’re hidden behind the safety net of the mourning veil. Because, yes, smearing your eyeliner truly IS something to bemoan for all eternity.

Death and coral … TWO things we’ve reclaimed from the elderly in ONE frivolous fashion post. Next month in Lethal Style: Removing those pesky black lipstick stains from your dentures in one simple step.

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer, Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake-free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores, and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation which best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (a full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer to neutralize the colour of your lids, which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Eyes

You will need:

Rounded edge brush, coral pigment, eyeliner brush, black eyeshadow, small blending brush, matte mid-tone gray eyeshadow, small fluffy brush, matte white eyshadow, black eyeliner, black mascara

1. Using a dampened rounded edge brush, gently tap (DO NOT SWIPE) a coral pigment across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
2. Dab a tiny amount of black eyeshadow onto your eyeliner brush and draw a line which follows the natural crease crease of your eye. Making the line as straight and precise as you can is key! Using the same brush, blend the color outward. This technique is called cutting the crease.
3. With the help of a small blending brush, blend matte mid-tone gray eyeshadow up and outwards. Make sure to blend the gray into the black you added to your crease to avoid harsh lines.
4. Highlight your browbone by sweeping some matte white shadow directly under your eyebrows with the help of a small fluffy brush.
5. Line your bottom lid, starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with black kohl eyeliner. Most of the color should be concentrated in the outer corner. I find it’s easiest to put on eyeliner after eyeshadow and before mascara.
6. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.

Cheeks

You can skip the blush if the phrase “healthy glow” strikes terror in your little black heart. Or “pallid plague-stricken corpse” fits more within the parameters of your usual aesthetic.

(Disclaimer: Despite owning contraband such as “pale peach blush” and “bronzer”, it is not my desire to send anyone to a spooky re-education camp. I’m just a fan of playing up all parts of my face)

You will need:

Matte bronzer, pale peach blush, blush brush

1. Swipe some matte pressed bronzer onto your blush brush. Starting mid-cheek, going towards your ear, apply the bronzer into the hollows of your cheeks using short, up-and-down vertical strokes. Darker shades will give the illusion of the hollows of your cheeks receding, which enhances the overall definition of your cheekbones.
2. Using the same technique, add pale peach blush to the apples of your cheeks, which will cause them to protrude. Use translucent powder to blend between the two colors in order to avoid obvious lines.

Lips

As an avid reader of mainstream fashions rags, I can attest to the fact most beauty writers urge us to adhere to some rather strict makeup rules. Ladies curious about bold lip looks are told by these publications they “want to look vampy-NOT like a vampire”. And so we are advised to obey the “play up one feature at a time” rule. In other words, to keep the eyes and cheeks simple when opting for an over-the-top pout. In many cases I tend to agree, since I’ve borne witness to many a raccoon eyed, black-lipstick-on-the teeth trainwreck in my 13 years of gothing it up. So, I often favor the high impact eyes/ultra glossy nude lip look myself. Alas, sometimes it’s more than forgivable to set your makeup gun to “whore”, such as when wearing veiled hats which obscure the majority of your face. Go light on your lips and they’ll simply disappear under all the lace and netting. And so it had come to pass that your smokey eyes and plum lips came to a cease fire and became BFF again.

You will need:

Burgundy lipliner, plum lipstick

1. Use a burgundy lipliner to fill in your lips, starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners. Filling in your entire lip area will not only make an excellent base for color, but will also prevent your lipstick from traveling past your actual lip line and setting up shop in the tiny fine lines around your mouth. Ever seen that shit? Fucking terrifying!
2. Follow up with plum lipstick. Beginning in the center of your upper lip, gently press the tube into the flesh of your lip and then proceed to roll it over the entire top lip area, working toward the edges. Repeat the process on your bottom lip.
3. Last but not least, remember to prevent potential slippage by placing a finger in your mouth, closing your lips around it and then removing said finger. This will remove any excess lip junk. In this new era of tagged Facebook photos catching everyone by surprise, you never know where your likeness will show up. And when that unflattering inebriated photo DOES surface, the last thing you want is being remembered as a card carrying member of the aforementioned “Raccoon eyed, Dark-lipstick-on-the teeth Trainwreck club” for all eternity. ‘Cause once something is up on ‘em InternetZ, it tends to never go away. So yeah, avoid lipstick-on-the teeth situations at all costs.

Credits:

Photography: Lanya B

Model: Vanity Kills

Location: The National Cathedral is located in Northwestern Washington DC

<3

Vanity Kills

[Show as slideshow]

The summer sun was glaring down oppressively, pushing its blinding rays onto my face and neck. Despite its irritating nature, the light felt warm and invigorating against my pale skin. I was picnicking at the gate of the garden, encircled by colorful foliage, and although the surroundings were indescribably beautiful, I was still feeling a bit empty. There was one taste which could not be sated by the delights of this enclosure, and it was that of a delicious, sugary, donut. Oh, how I yearned for the smell and texture of that circular bit of dough; the vivid colors and sprinkles beckoning my senses to indulge. In fact, I believe I could just die for donuts.

see full size in gallery below

But alas, there was not a bakery for miles! I was hopelessly out of luck.

However, at that moment a very strange thing occurred. From far across the lawn a giant ant was marching towards my position. Typically, I think that giant insects would incite panic within ones heart, as they are generally hideous and repulsive creatures. Oddly though, this ant had an adorable face and appeared almost plush in the gentle curves of his abdomen. Another thing to note about ants is they are very often the culprit of stealing food at a picnic. The large ant closing in on me was again in opposition to this stereotype, as it was actually bringing things to my picnic. How delightful this creature was!

see full size in gallery below

“Thank you ant, you are very generous” I said, as it drew near. I leaned down and kissed its ovoid head. The odd courier had brought a male on its back, assumedly to attend me at my lunch. The male was dressed in a fancy vest & pants, with strange, pointy hair which was not a staple of the men from this village. I giggled at his cute and unusual fashion sense. He was clearly from a foreign land and would make a fascinating lunch partner. “Would you like to join me for tea?” I asked politely. It seemed that he would. To my utmost surprise, the stranger and his cohort had brought chic donuts, in several of my favorite flavors, to nom on for desert as well. And so, that would be our afternoon; drinking tea, speaking of beautiful things, and dining on the delectable and elusive donut.

see full size in gallery below

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: “I live in Bird Scrotum, New Mexico and the closest goth/industrial club to me is 300 miles away”, or “I don’t go out and dress up because all the clubs play Rob Zombie and cater to barely legal little douchebags. It’s like a fucking mallgoth convention. I’m not paying $10 to go to a mallgoth convention”, or “Our local night closed because, as much as people like to bitch for hours on end on the Internet that their town has nothing to offer, they don’t support the night when actually starts up”. Yeah, sadly that’s the reality for many of us, including myself. I relocated to upstate New York from the NJ/NYC area in 2005 and upon first stepping foot in an Ithaca, ahem…nightclub, I saw some SCARY shit. It was like crashing a game of Dungeons & Dragons, played at a Renn Faire by a bunch of furries. Occupying the same space as these individuals felt wrong on 10 different levels. “Is this really the same scene I’m in?” I’d often ask myself. I like industrial, so why is there NONE at a seemingly industrial club. Is it necessary to play back to back Nine Inch Nails songs? Are people REALLY requesting trance and Cradle of Filth? Yeah, we were all at a “goth” club, but I felt little to no kinship with people who thought that the Three Wolf Moon shirt was cool (and NOT IN AN IRONIC WAY) and took part in things like Live Action Roleplaying. It felt TOO MUCH like crashing a party thrown by sexless nerds, doomed to dwell in their Mother’s basement forever. A sea of 30+ year old virgins.

I make no apologies for publicly admitting that I didn’t belong there.

The “scene” was in poor shape then and it’s even worse now, so I found myself traveling A LOT, just to go to a decent club. Some of us don’t have that option.

If the belle has no ball to go to, she must create one. Remember when you were a kid and you made due with the simplest of things for the sake of entertaining yourself? Tea parties thrown for Barbies and legions of stuffed animals, climbing trees, and/or building blanket forts.

When was the last time you’ve been to a picnic? No, not the corporate kind where your immediate supervisor gets obliterated and starts unloading his marital issues in your lap. And you’re forced into way too much awkward forced interaction with your coworkers. The kind of picnic I speak of involves peeling yourself off the couch, off the social networking sites (where you’re probably busy posting about how bored you are and how you wish that there was something to do in your immediate area) and into the party clothes. No use in letting your Sunday’s best become a moth buffet if you can help it. Buckle the boots, pile on the ruffles and pin on the falls; you’re getting out of the house. Oh and, kindly inform your other half that ‘tis the time for a break from his all weekend long Left4Dead zombie slaughtering extravaganza. The living dead will still need killing when you come back, but for now they’ll have to wait.

Pack a basket with fresh fruit, decadent desserts (you can always bemoan the circumference of your waist at a later date, but for now SPLURGE) and just to keep things CLASSY, some good old cheap champagne in a brown paper bag. Head for the local park or historical cemetery. Nom, explore, take goofy pictures (for Facebook, naturally) and talk about how lame everyone at the local goth dive is. Drink in your own fabulousness while sippin’ the discount bubbly. It’ll be the fancy first date you never had. Note: Most relationships of people I’m acquainted with began by mutual consumption of well drinks and/or PBR, and were cemented by drunkenly going home together.

The technicality of not having an actual man in your life still shouldn’t stop you from dressing like you’re trying to impress one. Grab a fashionable friend (Meagan always being my #1 choice) and seize the day in style. After all there is no law which forces all ladies that lunch to dress like dull country club crones.

Or take the chance and ask an ant to bring you a mate. It obviously worked for me.

Picnic Perfect

You can always bank on 1940’s inspired styles to be quintessentially feminine and flattering. Alas, since historical accuracy is never de rigeur here at Lethal Style, I favor shirts like the Lady is a Tramp II One for My Baby Stretch Poplin Cap Sleeve Top in the red/black colorway. It captures the lady like essence of the period, while maintaining a modern, gothy feel with its PVC red and black pinstripe trim.

A formal ensemble lacking a corset is not unlike a stripper without her 8” trademark lucite heels. Or a “Virgin Daquiri”. I guess the idea is there, but something just feels off. So lace up and sit straight! I chose a red satin underbust accented with black polka dots. It makes me think of tasty gourmet pastries. The kind you take a picture of before you chow down, because hey, you just spent fucking $7 on a tiny tart. So you might as well immortalize it for posterity.

P.S. Cleavage!

But what’s this, Vanity Kills? Is that a pinstripe top paired with a polka dot corset? Isn’t pattern mixing considered to be a hallmark of poor taste? Didn’t your Mother teach you any better?

Aight, so first and foremost, my Mama didn’t raise no fool (Well, that’s not completely true, since I AM a fool for baked goods and clothing beyond my budget). Secondly, obsolete fashion rules are obsolete. If the color palette matches(in this case both the pinstripe trim on my solid black top and the color scheme of my underbust corset is red and black), then mixed patterns will work like a charm. Alas if you attempted this with a rainbow neon leopard halter top paired with a zebra corset, both busy patterns would complete for attention, resulting in the kind of catastrophe that lands peoples’ candid shots in those “What Not To Wear” sections in the back of magazines.

Also: just because hipsters do it, it doesn’t make it a good idea. Keep that in mind and you’ll always come out a winner.

Black and red skull cameo brooch is the spookier-than-thou alternative to the traditional portrait of a lady. Note: Pinning a brooch against your throat adds an instant touch of refinement to even the most basic looking, office dress code approved, Plain Jane, refrigerator white collared shirt.

Floor length black PVC Victorian bustle skirt celebrates turn-of-the century high society opulence, while eschewing the notions of prudence, modesty and various other forms of joykilling that is generally synonymous with that particular bygone era. I mean, yeah, the damn thing covers your ankles, but would surely garner disapproving looks from church-y folks who think that it’s a woman’s job to shield the male population from their own impure thoughts and other proper hemline aficionados. Indeed, the hemline might say “holy”, but the fabric says “harlot”. The perfect balance, say I.

Proud owner of a Duchess de Sade II Victorian Mourning Skirt in the black colorway? This would be a prime opportunity to parade around in it, darling. It just fits with the whole idea of lazing about in a park, sprawled out on a picnic blanket in your pseudo-Victorian fetish glory, while cute boys shove glazed rings of fried dough into your waiting mouth.

Sadly, “dressing up” means wearing your LEAST faded (and therefore “best”) Wumpscut T-shirt to a lot of the boys. And so, dear, male readers, I challenge you to do better. No, I don’t mean copying Gary Oldman’s look in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Most men I know would rather be shot in the face at close range than dress like Count von Froufrou. My boyfriend calls his dressy look “old world gentleman”. I call it “old world gentleman LITE” or “old-world-gentleman-whose-entire-outfit-can-easily be-assembled-from-various-mall-stores”. Think vests, classic short sleeved button downs made out of breathable materials and pants you can get away with wearing inside a religious institution. Personalize with one or two carefully chosen accessories such as copper and bronze steampunk inspired pocket watch or a few subtle skull* or gear pins. Don’t ruin your “good clothes” with tawdry, cheap-looking spiked collars and a million black rubber bracelets (Not that you should own those anyway, if you’re reading this)

*When I say skull, I mean something tasteful. Think anatomical Victorian, not a scowling skeletal visage bearing vampire fangs, blazing red jewelstone encrusted eyes and a jester hat. A good way to measure if a potential new trinket falls into the “tasteful” category is asking yourself if an Insane Clown Posse fan would be likely to enjoy this piece. If the answer is a resounding “No”, then you’re in the clear, my friend.

All tressed up and nowhere to go

There’s no such thing as half assing at Lethal Style! ‘Cause you can’t just pull out all the stops and not getcha hurr did.

I have written detailed descriptions of the exact method of installing hair falls here and here.

Note: Tired of covering up your roots with goggles and bandanas when rockin’ falls? (You should be)

While I remain largely indifferent to mainstream pop icons such as the notorious Lady Gaga ( most of the time) I must say that these hair bows she popularized are a fucking godsend. They’ll hide that troublesome inch or two of root growth like nobody’s business. Please DO buy one that matches your own hair color as closely as possible.

Gilty Pleasure

(I have managed to avoid obvious clichés about “going for the gold”. I figured you guys would appreciate that)

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer, Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake-free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores, and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer to neutralize the colour of your lids, which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Vanity Kills’ Quick–n-Easy Golden Gaze

Eyes

You will need:

Rounded edge brush, golden pigment, eyeliner brush, matte white eyshadow, small eyeshadow brush, liquid black eyeliner, black mascara

1. Apply a high shimmer golden pigment with a dampened rounded edge brush across your entire eyelid from lashline to slightly past your crease. Tap your brush against your lid gently -DO NOT SWIPE- as you apply the product, for greater color payoff.
2. To score ultra electrifying lower lids, moisten an eyeliner brush slightly. Dab a tiny amount of golden pigment onto your brush, tapping off any excess color. Hold down your lower eyelid. Starting at the outer corner of your eye, sweep the brush along your lower lashline working your way inward.
3. Highlight your browbone by placing a hint of matte white eyeshadow directly under your eyebrows with the help of a small eyeshadow brush.
4. Starting at the inner corner of your eye, rim both your upper and lower lashline with liquid black eyeliner. For maximum application control, try an eyeliner pen.
5. Finish off the look by applying two thin coats of volumizing black mascara to your top lashes. Follow up with one coat to your lower lashes.

Cheeks

You will need:

Matte bronzer, petal pink blush, highlighter, blush brush

1. Swipe some matte pressed bronzer onto your blush brush .Starting mid-cheek, going towards your ear, apply the bronzer into the hollows of your cheeks using short, up-and-down vertical strokes. Darker shades will give the illusion of the hollows of your cheeks receding, thus giving your cheekbones a more chiseled look.
2. Using the same technique, add petal pink blush to the apples of your cheeks, which will cause them to protrude. Use translucent powder to blend between the two colors in order to avoid obvious lines.
3. For added glow, blend a small amount of highlighter into the tops of your cheekbones.

Lips

Nearly nude lips perfectly compliment this bold eye look.

You will need:

Medium nude brown lipliner, nude pink lipstick

1. Use a medium nude brown lip to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners. Filling in your entire lip area will not only make an excellent base for color, but will also prevent fading, feathering and general migration of your lip products.
2. Follow up with nude pink lipstick. Beginning in the center of your upper lip, gently press the tube into the flesh of your lip and then proceed to roll it over the entire top lip area, working toward the edges. Repeat the process on your bottom lip.

Credits:

Photography:Eye of Ra

Model(s):Vanity Kills
Dan Barrett
Stefan the Ant

Location: Northwest Washington DC

<3

Vanity Kills

[Show as slideshow]

It’s usually fun and exciting to be a princess; it’s something pseudo-magical that people (usually girls) aspire to be. You get to live in a large castle, eat fancy food, wear overly-expensive garish clothing, and generally do whatever you want. However, this all ended for me when I was 17. That was when my mother, an important queen, died and her throne was usurped. The old and terrible Madame Frontenac, who took over the monarchy, cast me, being the only living bloodline to the rightful queen, down to live in the depths of the rotting, abyssal basement.

The disused shithole had always been off-limits to me during youth, and it was readily apparent why. Firstly, the stench of the entire place was face-melting (and not in the yummy MDMA laced baked goods way, either). Secondly, the place was dimly lit and covered with dust & cobwebs. Thirdly, there simply wasn’t anything to do down here. So, not only was I bored and trapped indefinitely in this dismal catacomb, but all my fancy clothes, save for one party dress, were revoked and given to the Madame’s obese, repugnant daughter.Not like she even fit them FML.

I lost track of time nearly immediately, since there was no way to tell the fluctuation of light from the outside world. Every so often, a maid would bring me some food and, occasionally, some cleaning materials, since my title had apparently been downgraded from princess to basement janitor. “Princess Bea” was now, and seemingly forever, “Janitor Bea.” Cleaning this ill-used compound was degrading and, as time passed, I harbored a growing resentment towards the evil Madame Frontenac, wishing only to escape so I could see the look on her face while I relieved her of her head.

For months there was no hope of retribution; that is, until I discovered the ancient wooden door, hidden behind a decomposing dresser. The door led to an unlit hallway, which appeared to spiral down into the infinite black nothingness of the earth and smelled like a sewer. At first the door was of little significance, until the C.H.U.D came. The door was, in fact, the gateway to the kingdom of the cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers! The C.H.U.D were very frightening in appearance, looking like mutant humans with glowing yellow eyes. They seemed unable to talk and, instead, made strange and terrifying grunting sounds. However, despite being utterly ghastly, they did not try to harm me. Instead, it was quite the opposite. The C.H.U.D would come out of hiding and gather around me like happy forest creatures while I did my chores in the basement. Eventually, the C.H.U.D adopted me as their own Princess, and my title was upgraded from “Janitor Bea” to “Princess Bea, Queen of the CHUD”.

The C.H.U.D were also angry at the Madame, who I assumed had something to do with the creation and subsequent imprisonment of the C.H.U.D, and they were willing to help me exact my revenge; for the C.H.U.D had tired of eating rats and rancid scraps of the underground, and they desired to dine on human flesh. When the time was right, we smashed our way out of our stygian tomb and set about reclaiming the fallen palatial abode. While the hired help were paralyzed by fear of the hideous mutants, the C.H.U.D dismembered and consumed them in vile and non-PC ways. These fiends from the dungeon depths quickly overran the castle and made short work of its inhabitants, all except for the Madame and her corpulent crotch fruit, who they trapped in the throne room.

At last I was set to have my revenge. I commanded the C.H.U.D to do away with the daughter and they set their ravenous teeth to her, ripping her limb from limb until not but a bloody pulp remained. For my own satisfaction and as payment for my banishing, I tore the Madame’s head off her very shoulders with uncanny C.H.U.D-inspired strength. The pleasant howls of the sated C.H.U.D. filled the blood-soaked room. I held the severed head above me at length and declared myself the proud and mighty Bea, Queen of the C.H.U.D.

For Mine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

The Abbatoir Aristocrat

Tattered cloth juxtaposed with pearls and restrictive corsetry make for fashions worthy of a present-day princess with a taste for both the refined and the macabre. The girl who’ll rip out you digestive system, have it bronzed and use it as a tiara rack.

Constructed from sexy sheer layers of ravaged fabric, the SlasHer Girl’s Long Sleeved Shirt gives a raw edge to even the most frilly sugarcoated layer cake of a skirt. As if it were tailor made for a true queen of the underworld whose ultimate storybook happy ending is laden with severed heads.

Shred your shirts, not your dignity. A black PVC underbust corset works double duty by providing curvage and coverage simultaneously.

*Insert pearl necklace joke here*

Har har har…now that we got that out of the way…

A strategically placed accessory typically associated with all the trappings of the upper class softens up the slashed n’trashed top and lends an echo of cultivated beauty to your reign of glamour and terror. Stick to a single strand of pearls or an off-centered jeweled brooch for an air of lady-like elegance. I said ELEGANCE. Did you catch that? This means don’t pile on all the bling you stashed in your accessory drawer at once.

If you find traditional royal headwear to be too MySpace-scene-kid-tacky for your discerning tastes, pin an oversized purple leopard print lily into your lush locks instead. Look the part of a princess, not a royal mess.

A black petticoat trimmed with purple ribbons and ruffles worn in place of a skirt is truly befitting for nightclub royalty who love to flaunt their flair for the dramatic. And so, the next time you’re faced with the daunting dilemma of figuring out exactly what a girl should wear to a formal garden party, thrown in her honor by grotesquely deformed sewer dwelling creatures, go with the crinoline. Skip the overskirt. Some garments technically classified as underwear are just too pretty to remain hidden.

What’s this? Floor-sweeping skirts aren’t exactly your flavor? Try one of these short, but still decidedly sweet alternatives currently in stock on Lippy’s website right now:

Style #73-300-001 Ghoul School Voile Mini Skirt in the Black/Purple colorway.

Style #83-3-02 Victorian Mourning Side Zip Layered Mini Skirt in the Dark Purple colorway.

Glass slippers might’ve worked in Walt Disney’s adaptation of Cinderella, but you’re just not that kind of princess. Fetish meets fairytale in the form of black PVC knee-high boots laced with alternating black and purple satin ribbon. Guaranteed to stay put on your feet before, during, and after the ball.

Bone printed stockings showcase the pride you hold in your majestic and dignified man-devouring C.H.U.D heritage. For the C.H.U.D are a proud and noble race.

The updo is DEAD! Long live anything but…

Unless you favor the PedoBear-approved kiddie beauty pageant contestant look, I’d say that it’s time to give those overly crispy curls shellacked on top of your head a rest. In the kingdom of Lethal Style, loose waves hold court. The creation of which I’ve previously discussed in further detail here.

Alternatively, you can try this no fuss quick n’ painless straightener method:

Or pay some nice people in Hong Kong to send you a wig :)

Royal Blush

De-prissify dainty pinks and pastel purples once and for all with a punch of charcoal. Y’know, in case you were secretly worried about looking like an Easter Egg.

General Prep Work

You will need:

Moisturizer, Primer, Concealer, Matte liquid Foundation, Foundation Brush, Translucent Powder, Powder brush, Eyeshadow primer

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake-free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores, and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.
7. Prep your lids with eyeshadow primer to neutralize the colour of your lids, which in turn makes for brighter more vibrant shadow. It also prevents said shadow from creasing.

Eyes

You will need:

Eyeshadow Primer, Eyeliner that matches your hair color if you draw your eyebrows in, Makeup sealer (optional), Black eyeliner, Violet pigment, Charcoal pigment, Light pink eyshadow, Frosty off white eyeshadow, Eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge, Blending brush, Fluffy eyeshadow brush, Eyelash curler, Black Mascara

1. Prep your brows by filling them in with a pencil and softening the lines with a small brush or drawing them in if you don’t have them. Eyebrowless ladies like myself should make sure to use a pencil that matches their hair color. After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer. Last but not least, lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
2. Apply clear adhesive tape starting at the outer corner of your eye and extend to the end of your eyebrow. Press down gently with your finger to smooth it out. This little trick gives your eyeshadow an extremely pronounced hard edge, which creates a clean and defined shape.
3. Take an eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge and wet it a little. Dip your dampened brush into the violet pigment and gently tap — DO NOT SWIPE — the pigment across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease. Don’t worry if you get excess pigment on the tape. Once you’re done with your eye makeup and peel the sticky stuff off, I assure you that any messes you might have made will magically disappear.
4. Using a blending brush, add some charcoal pigment to the outer crease of your eye and bring it down to your lashline on the outer corner of your eyelid. This is also known as the “outer V”. Blend into the violet pigment from Step #3. If you shave and draw your brows on, you can extend the pigment past your crease and onto the lower part of your browbone, since you obviously have more room to work with. Once again, ignore any fallout that might have ended up on the area you previously taped off.
5. Starting at the inner corner of your eye, using a small fluffy eyeshadow brush tap some light pink eyeshadow outward toward the “V” of charcoal you applied in Step 4. Blend into the violet pigment you added in Step #3. Eyebrowless girls and boys have the option to extend the pigment past the crease and onto the lower part of their browbone the same way they did in Step 4.
   At this point, the outer part of your crease (and parts of your browbone if you’re brow-less) should be lovely shade of charcoal, while the inner part should be a light pink. Blend both shades into each other at their meeting point, which should lie somewhere at the halfway point in the crease of your eye.
6. Clean the fluffy eyeshadow brush you used in the previous step. Sweep some frosty off white shadow directly under your eyebrows (doesn’t matter if they’re drawn on or natural). Blend the frosty off white eyeshadow into the two colors that you’ve blended into your crease in Step 5, the charcoal and the light pink.
7. Line your bottom lid starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with your favorite brand of black kohl eyeliner. Most of the color should be concentrated in the outer corner. I find that it’s easiest to put on eyeliner after eyeshadow and before mascara. Curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler and top off with 2 coats of black mascara.
   Now would be a good time to remove the tape and admire your eyeshadow blending skills!

Cheeks

You will need:

Blush brush, Rose pink blush, Bronzer, Highlighter

1. Swipe some pressed bronzer onto your blush brush.
2. Starting mid-cheek, going towards your ear, apply the bronzer into the hollows of your cheeks using short, up-and-down vertical strokes. Darker shades will give the illusion of the hollows of your cheeks receding.
3. Now, using the same technique, add a rose pink blush to the apples of your cheeks, which will cause them to protrude. Use translucent powder to blend between the two colors in order to avoid obvious lines. This ain’t Ru Paul’s Drag Race, where such things might be more acceptable.
4. For added glow, blend a small amount of highlighter powder into the tops of your cheekbones. This will enhance the definition of your bone structure.

Lips

You will need:

Rose pink liner, frosted fuchsia lipstick

1. Use a rose pink lip liner to fill in your lips, starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners. Filling in your entire lip area will not only make an excellent base for color, but it will also prevent the bleeding and feathering of your lipstick.
2. For some delicious lips reminiscent of sugary baked goods, grab your frosted fuchsia lipstick and beginning in the center of your upper lip, gently press the tube into the flesh of your lip and then proceed to roll it over the entire top lip area, working toward the edges. Repeat the process on your bottom lip. Being spotted with lipstick on your teeth is considered a major beauty blunder! Prevent potential slippage by placing a finger in your mouth, closing your lips around it and then removing said finger. This will remove any excess lip junk.

Photography:Alas Vera

Model- “Princess Bea: Queen of the C.H.U.D”: Vanity Kills

Location: The terrifying basement of my old apartment in Buffalo, NY

<3

Vanity Kills

[Show as slideshow]

The story of Easter

By: Dan Barrett (because he has to do something with that writing degree he acquired in college. Also “poetry” is in no shape or form a forté of Vanity Kills)

One day the Easter bunny came to earth
to bequeath upon us delicious chocolate
cast into fun and cute shapes
and also EBM.

Then he set about his work
to give every angry rivethead a basket of eggs
but not the new APOP album
(because it’s emo)

Some say Easter has something to do with resurrection
like the second coming of Skinny Puppy
Because everyone knows that Cevin Key
writes a better synth-line than Jesus.

It is a time to look up to the Rose-Coloured Skies
and Praise the Fallen
to put aside our Inhumane Amusement
and listen to that Wumpscut song Rise Again.

Anyway, the Easter rabbit gave out candy and tickets to Kinetik
to all the cybergrrls/cyberbois
because they love neon colors
and high sugar foods.

The number of eggs per basket
was directly proportionate
to the number of things that are not hair
in their falls.

April got a basket of green eggs
which matched her skirt
which came from Lip Service
Oh look kids, a plug!

Sadly, her Beloved puppy,
who happened to be wearing bunny ears for some reason,
appeared from the depths of the mist
and descended upon the treats faster than Rudy R.

So, with the spoils of the holiday lost,
she crushed an egg-shaped effigy
to curse the Eevil Young Flesh
and yelled out to the bunny that she was still talking but he wasn’t listening.

Also swords

Ahhhh…Easter. A blessed day devoted to the celebration of that which is most important in life, namely chocolate and zombies. It also heralds the imminent arrival of sweltering summer months. As the ye olde nuclear furnace in the sky causes temperatures to spike, many Lippy Addicts of the goth/industrial persuasion find themselves reliving the melting flesh scene from Robocop on a daily basis. Our friend, the mighty sun, greatly limits our wardrobe options and forces many of us to forsake being fashionable in the name of keeping our cool.

I’ve read several articles which tackled the issue of beating the heat without trading in your I’m-only-wearing-black-until-they-find-something-darker ensembles for khaki shorts, pastel tank tops and those god-fucking-awful monstrosities-in-shoe form called “flip flops”. While breezy linen skirts with black lace accents and dark colored camisoles embellished with standard gothy fare, such as the ever popular skull motif, were suggested as sensible alternatives, that still didn’t really solve the issue that plagues the inquiring minds of the style conscious spooky socialites amongst us, “Just what the fuck do I wear to the club when it’s still like 90 degrees at night?”

Well, since you asked….

While I dare NOT come between a goth girl and her arsenal of tight n’shiny fetish wear, I feel like it is my duty as a fashion blogger and fellow club goer to advise you to rock your infamous “historically accurate” Marie Antoinette gown reproduced entirely in pastel PVC in more moderate weather. Mostly due to the fact that I don’t want to smell your festering BO all the way across the bar. With that said, YES YOU CAN, wear vinyl when Mercury rises. You just have to “Use Your Brain And Think About It” (Thanks for letting me rip that phrase directly off my T-shirt, Feindflug).

Without further ado, here’s how to look hot without dissolving into a big sticky puddle of grossness:

Haute Heat

The key to making perspiration producing synthetic fibers such as vinyl, rubber, and latex work in the scorching summer season is to simply wear less of them. In other words, send those sexy but impractical dresses and catsuits on a much needed vacation until October. It should go without saying that sticking to separates will not only prevent you from lookin’ a hot boiled mess, but feelin’ like one too. Opt for a top or bottom of the PVC persuasion, but avoid wearing them AT THE SAME TIME. For maximum ventilation, try a simple black vinyl zipper-front sleeveless crop top, like April’s. Oh yeah, and don’t skimp on the antiperspirant.

Create a texture contrast by pairing your second skin-esque top with a more utilitarian-chic stretch twill olive cargo skirt such as this Lip Service Hot Topic style 29 79 (ht cut 14560) mini.

Covering your hands after Memorial Day might seem like a counterproductive feat at first, but trust me you’ll be glad you shielded your mitts after being forced to shake hands with a rather damp and odiferous friend-of-a-friend you’ve just been introduced to. The one that danced to the DJ’s back-to-back- set of old school EBM for the past 45 minutes. Then you’ll catch yourself thinking “Wow…that Vanity Kills was right. Short gloves in the summer really aren’t a bad idea”.

Petrified by the thought of having your feet encased by buckles and PVC for hours on end as you punch and kick your way across a sweaty crowded dancefloor? Then get out of the scene!

Two things:

1. Gladiator sandals or other “breathable” footwear commonly associated with the season will never be seen as a suitable substitute for boots here at Lethal Style. You’ll sooner see me touting the Olsen Twins as style icons.
2. To minimize chafing and discomfort, which can occur when moist skin comes in contact with material such as vinyl, apply talcum powder onto any exposed bits of your calf or thigh that touch the inside surface of your boot.

I have written detailed descriptions of the exact method of installing hair falls here and here.

Soylent Greens

If you’ve only limited yourself to sporting this hue to your annual St. Patrick’s Day pub crawl and the all Boy George 80s throwback night, then you my dear friend, haven’t been living at all. Spring into the green in 2010 (No, not in the granola-crunching Earth Mama sort of way either).

General Prep Work

1. Wash your face with a cleanser formulated especially for your skin type. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a soft cloth. Prep your skin with moisturizer before applying concealer in order to ensure a smoother, flake free application.
2. Before proceeding any further, allow your skin to properly absorb the moisturizer. This should take about 10 minutes.
3. Since foundation worn alone often has a nasty habit of settling in the fine lines around your mouth, near your eyes, and on your forehead, I highly recommend using a primer after you’ve moisturized your face. Utilizing a small amount of primer helps to fill in unflattering expression lines, pores and scars, thus allowing foundation to actually do its job!
4. Nix blemishes and skin discoloration by gently patting concealer over the trouble area. Follow by blending with your ring finger.
5. Apply a matte liquid foundation that best matches your skin tone to your face and neck with a foundation brush (A full dome shaped brush works beautifully). Start by applying small dots in the center of your face and then moving outward.
6. Set everything in place by finishing off with a thin coat of translucent powder. Use a full, round shaped powder brush for optimal results.

Eyes

1. Dab some brown eyeshadow onto a small angled brush. Tap off the excess. Starting at the widest part of the brow, near the nose, and using short strokes, apply brown eyeshadow directly to the natural hair of the eyebrow. Repeat on the other side. Make sure to use a shade that matches your hair color (in April’s case brown was used since she is a blonde). After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer.
2. Lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments, and liners.
3. Take an eyeshadow brush with a round/tapered edge and wet it a little. Dip your dampened brush into yellowish-green pigment and gently tap, DO NOT SWIPE, the pigment across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
4. With the help of a blending brush, deepen the crease of your eye with dark green shadow.
5. Using a smaller eyeshadow brush apply a layer of vivid green eyeshadow over the color you added in Step 3 to add dimension to the look.
6. Grab your blending brush again and blend the same vivid green eyeshadow you added in Step 5 into the dark green that you added to your crease in Step 4 to avoid harsh lines. Make sure to blend up and outwards.
7. Highlight your browbone with shimmery white eyeshadow applied with a small eyeshadow brush.
8. Line your bottom lid starting from the outer corner of your eye, slowly making your way toward the inner corner with your favorite brand of black kohl eyeliner. Most of the color should be concentrated in the outer corner.
9. Last but not least, add extra depth and drama to your gaze with a pair of false eyelashes. To apply, add adhesive to the back of the eyelash strip. Grab a false eyelash with a pair of tweezers and adhere to the outermost part of your eyelids, keeping them as close to your own lashline as possible. You know that they’re in the right place when they’re sitting right on top of your natural lashes. Gently hold them down in place with your finger for about 30 seconds or so until the glue dries.

Cheeks

1. Swipe some mauve blush onto your blush brush.
2. Apply the mauve blush to the apples of your cheeks.
3. For added glow, blend a small amount of highlighter powder into the tops of your cheekbones. This will enhance the definition of your bone structure.

Lips

1. For a sheer wash of pretty spring time pastel color, use a mauve lip liner to fill in your lips starting at the center of your natural lip line and moving toward the outer corners.
2. Finish off with a coat of clear lipgloss.

[Show as slideshow]

Credits

Model, Photography and Styling: April Mayi

<3
Vanity Kills

see full size in gallery below

I think it was about 3 years ago when I first met Mrs. Hendrickson. I was an amateur collector of all things Tiki, and new to town. I had heard through a colleague that she threw the absolute best Tiki-themed parties this side of Rapa Nui, so of course I could not turn down an opportunity to indulge in pseudo-Polynesian fare. It wasn’t long after I had moved that I was invited to one of her infamous shindigs. Her lounge was everything that I expected it to be: a densely packed space, filled to the brim with exotic foliage, strange & questionably legitimate artifacts, and all forms of carven Pacific rim deities big and small. In fact, the cluster of things was so heavy that no trace of the outside world had a chance of seeping in and ruining the experience. And what an experience it was. These wildly popular bashes were always crowded with new and returning faces, and there was no shortage of excellent rum-based drinks nor hedonistic activities to partake in. It was always a great place to go to escape the terrible events of the week and lose yourself in a strikingly realistic world of wooden gods, potted palms, hula dancing and of course the trademark of a Hendrickson party: the shrunken head drinking glasses.

Of course there were always rumors about the place, most likely spoken by those who weren’t adventurous enough to actually attend one of these alcohol-soaked affairs, and instead preferred to shit on other people’s good times from afar. The word on the street and resting on the lips of party-goers, though never spoken outright, was that Mrs. Hendrickson’s shrunken heads were just a little TOO realistic. She would never tell anyone where she purchased these curious vessels, or how she came to acquire such a collection, and instead insisted that their origin was mundane and the knowledge of it would ruin the mystique.

see full size in gallery below

At first I, like the other guests, simply brushed off these rumors as silly urban legends invented by petty kill-joys who were jealous of Mrs. Hendrickson’s success. However, after attending these suburban island getaways for several years I started to notice things that were in fact a bit strange. Mrs. Hendrickson would introduce a new shrunken head on the last weekend of every month, and I swore some of them resembled attendees of days past, for example: someone who’s hair you vaguely remember staring at on the way to get another Mai Tai. But perhaps this was in some sort of odd tribute to an honored guest who moved away. There were other things too; I couldn’t help but think that the gaunt, leathery features on these heads were a bit TOO lifelike. In retrospect, they were a bit scary until you got a few drinks in your system (luckily which didn’t take very long at all). And if you had the honor of using the newest addition to the collection you would notice that it was oddly warm to the touch. For all of these things I found some sort of rationalization to ignore them, and of course a slice of bright fruit mixed with rum was always helpful in keeping my mind on more hedonistic matters.

see full size in gallery below

However, after several years of enjoying the local interpretations of crab rangoon and pig roast, I came to know that the rumors of the shrunken heads was all too true. It was late in the year, one of the autumn months. I had been exploring the local dive bar scene while waiting for the next luau to commence and on several occasions had met a rather annoying young woman who attempted to wow me with stories of tribal life in Tahiti that were so full of gaping mistakes and inconstancies that she may as well have read me an amateur Hollywood script. The point is not that she grated on my nerves, but the fact that I knew her rather well and could recognize her juvenile countenance in any setting. Needless to say, when that fateful Tiki party I was rather pleased to get back to drunkenly arguing about the construction and transportation of the ancient Moai over Mrs. Hendrickson’s signature cocktail “Cannibal Concubine”. Since it also happened to be the end of the month, a new shrunken head was due to be announced. I had grown a bit weary of this tradition after bearing witness to it for so long, so I choose to talk with some friends rather than gaze upon yet another withered trophy. I thought nothing of this new cephalic chalice until it came into my field of vision later than night. Normally I would hardly have paid it any mind, but when I saw this ghastly abomination I couldn’t help but scream in fright. For the new head bore the exact visage of the girl from the bar!

Needless to say, that was my last encounter with Mrs. Hendrickson and her grandiose gatherings. I left town not too long after and never looked back. Sometimes I wonder about those parties though, as I am sure they continue in my absence. Despite everything, a part of me hopes that Mrs. Hendrickson is still there, throwing lavish soirees and pouring one of her trademark mixed drinks for a cute young girl with a memorable face.

Her most famous drink: “Cannibal Concubine”

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 oz white rum
• 1 1/2 oz dark rum
• 1 oz pineapple juice
• 1 oz orange juice
• 1/2 oz fresh blood
• grated foreskin
• severed finger or eyeball wedge

When the word “luau” springs to mind, what sort of wardrobe options does your mind conjure up? Grass skirts and coconut shell bras? Bikini bottoms and flip flops? Or perhaps the ubiquitous Hawaiian shirt with an updated feminine cut? While that’s mighty fine for a pig roast on the beaches of Oahu, dressing the part of this hula homemaker with a vicious streak calls for a sexy spaghetti strapped frock that will leave her party guests drunk with desire. Accessorize it with care and the boys will simply lose their heads!

Scratch the seven seas itch with a mainland-friendly cocktail dress suitable for suburban hausfraus struck by island madness .Think sinister hostess with the mostest in this elegantly simple Lip Service 92-186-HT cut 17643 style made for Hot Topic.

A must for the modern day June CLEAVER, whose love for decapitation and head shrinking is matched only with her love of baking that perfect pie. ( I love when the jokes write themselves)

A black, wide elastic waist belt nips and defines your midsection (Note: When wearing a dress without a well-defined bodice such a belt aids in creating an extremely figure enhancing babydoll shape)

Forget those ridiculously overpriced cocktail rings. Try pairing wooden Virgin Mary and Memento Mori bracelets as a darkly kitsch and, quite frankly, cheaper alternative. Because every fashionable domestic goddess sure does love a bargain!

Nude Cuban heeled black back seamed pantyhose! Legs just don’t get anymore pinup perfect than that!

The lady of the house can’t be gallivanting about in some of those 7” inch stilettos that nudie dancers wear when she’s running around with a hors d’oeuvres serving tray in one hand, and a scorpion bowl in the other. But a pair of these adorable black patent 3” pumps will do just fine!

Head Huntress Hair

Straight, sleek and voluminous. Not a strand out of place.
Hotter than the fires of Pele lighting a volacano bowl. Cooler than a “Singapore Sling” on a blistering July afternoon. Deadlier than a “Scorpion’s Sting” chased by a “Zombie”.

• Coat hair with a layer of heat-protective spray.
• Grab a flat iron and clamp it down on your hair as close to the roots as possible.
• Pull flat iron through hair slowly and away from the head.
• Part hair at crown and proceed to pull up and away from the face.
• Place Bump-It under part.
• Arrange hair in such a way that it covers the Bump-It and pin it back into place.
• Place two black hair flowers in hair where the Bump-It begins.
• Use smoothing cream to keep the remaining hair, (which is not “Bump”-ed up) fly away free.
• Apply a liberal amount of hairspray to keep hair in place.

Orchids of Hawaii

Bring out your inner “Tease of the Seven Seas” and channel the beauties of Leeteg’s black velvet paintings with an eye and lip palette inspired by the perfect pinks and lush purples of a Polynesian paradise.

Skin

1. Meagan applied a tinted moisturizer all over her face using a cosmetic sponge to enhance her natural skin tone. This is a great alternative to wearing heavy foundations in the sweltering summer months!
2. Using a powder brush, she added a dusting of translucent powder to set the tinted moisturizer in place and nix any potential shininess.

Eyes

1. Dab some brown eyeshadow onto a small angled brush. Tap off the excess. Starting at the widest part of the brow, near the nose, and using short strokes, apply brown eyeshadow directly to the natural hair of the eyebrow. Repeat on the other side. Make sure to use a shade that matches your hair color (in Meagan’s case brown was used since she is a blonde). After you’re satisfied with the shape of your brows, feel free to seal them with a single coat of a makeup sealer.
2. Lightly coat your entire eyelid area with an eyeshadow primer, to build a smooth base for your shadows, pigments and liners.
3. Using a fluffy brush apply purple eyeshadow across your entire eyelid from lashline to crease.
4. Hold down your lower eyelid. Using a small eyeliner brush, dot plum (or any shade of purple that is darker than what you used in Step 3 ) shadow directly underneath the eyelash line of your lower lid, beginning at the outer portion of the eye.
5. With the help of a blending brush, add the same plum shade you added in Step 4 to the crease of your eye.
6. Highlight your browbone with soft shimmery beige eyeshadow applied with a blending brush.
7. For extra pronounced lashes top off with 3 coats of black mascara.

Cheeks

1. Swipe some peach blush onto a medium sized blush brush.
2. Apply the peach blush onto cheekbones and blend into temples.

Lips

1. Meagan applied a cotton candy hued pink lipstick straight from the tube all over her lips and then blended the edges with a lip liner brush.
2. She finished off the look with a coat of sheer pinky gloss she added on top of the lipstick.

Credits

Model and Photography:Meagan Kyla

Location: Buffalo, NY

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Vanity Kills

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